FRIDAY!

Good news – the Windy One is to be moved as of next week; and not a moment too soon I might add! In the last fortnight things have gotten to a frustrating level where I find myself debating the sense of making it into the office.

Unfortunately now that I am a committed married lady I cannot be quite as flighty as I once was. Where as before if I found myself “surrounded by idiots” (in the words of Scar from the Lion King), I would simply smile smugly, safe in the knowledge that I could walk whenever I had had enough. Unfortunately now that I have a mortgage I have to be slightly more circumspect although Americo does, on occasion, have to remind me of this. It is true, I don’t have much of a work ethic but in a perverse way this actually makes me a better worker.

It would take an age to explain the twisted logic of my comment but it goes something like this… As I am never particularly desperate to be in a job, my work is always of the best standard for the simple fact that I have CHOSEN to work here! Simple, really.

This weekend is about to be the start of a (hopefully) glorious summer. We are celebrating this beginning, with much hard work… Americo has been harassing me to keep a weekend free to attend to the garden. So tomorrow is fully dedicated to cleaning, scrubbing, pulling and generally getting grubby! I am trying to contain my enthusiasm but finding it a bit of a struggle…

BOYS BEHAVING BADLY

I know, I know, I have been slack the last couple of weeks with my posting. As they say the road to hell is paved in good intentions and none have been better than mine!
This last weekend was crazy, as previously predicted. The bachelor’s went off with a bang, many a hangover and more successfully achieved. My husband came rolling in at 5am a veritable paragon of society compared to the other drunkards! I know this as I was the welcoming party for the early arrivals (we had 7 or so people staying with us after the bash) who came in requesting necessities such as water, buckets and headache pills…. I am sure by now you can see the theme this post will be taking so read on.

As beds and bedding were limited I had enough sleeping accommodation for an extra 6 people with an additional mattress etc to be provided by the main organiser. Unfortunately in the rush to set off for the evening’s entertainment the extra inflatable mattress was not unloaded the from the car and so we were one bed short. Normally this would not be a problem but things being as they were the couch had already been taken over.

Anyhow, I woke up to the not so quiet debate between Mr X and Americo on whether he could sleep on the floor at the end of our bed. After much discussion (basically Americo gave up arguing) Mr X was provided with pillows from the sofa and our TV rug whereupon he curled up on the floor and drifted into a drunken slumber. Unfortunately Americo and I were not so lucky…

It started with a gentle hum, within five minutes however the snoring had escalated, reverberating about the room and eliminating any chance of sleep. Something had to be done! Americo tried prodding our inebriated friend, calling his name, banging on the bed, all to no avail. Eventually I wrapped the pillow about my head and attempted to get some sleep, you have to understand that although this muted the sound it still fell woefully short of the requirement levels! I cannot explain the racket, something akin to sleeping in a timber mill - under the saw! At one stage I seriously contemplated setting up my hammock on the balcony, finally vetoing the idea once I had reviewed effort against time.

Now you would think that all ends here – guess what, it doesn’t! No bachelor’s is complete without the obligatory hurling episode and ours was no different. When I could remain in bed no longer I ventured into our en suite bathroom, only to stop at the threshold. I won’t give the full graphics as I am sure you can include your own imagery but suffice to say, I made it no further. The downstairs bathroom had fared only slightly better in that the culprit had made it to the toilet. However, all is well that ends well with thanks to Mr X who gave our bathroom floor a thorough cleaning!

Our friend Peter is very happy to have had the bucket of shame title taken from him and handed down to the very deserving brothers grim who have christened the toilets in our new home. They in return were suitably ashamed to have received such particular honour.

bad, Bad, BAD

The sooner this week is behind me the better things will be for everyone! Usually I manage to keep my frustration levels to a minimum but let’s face it the week started badly and so it progressed. “The Windy” one continued to wind me up with increasing liabilities of a confrontation. The storm hit on Thursday morning.

I am not a morning person, I know this, you know this - everyone knows this. But the truth of the matter is that my no talking before 10 am policy (preferably 12 pm) was strictly enforced when the windy one joined the company. I can only just handle annoyances on a good day, but major irritations every morning of the week are just too much for me! Now you can imagine my dismay when we had an office reshuffle a few months back and who should be placed in front of me? You guessed it!

I realise that my black mood was brought on by a relatively minor thing but I claim woman’s prerogative! I got into the office and the window was open with cold air gusting down my collar, I asked, very politely if we could please close it as I was freezing. Sadly ‘he’ is the keeper as it is only on his side that you can open/close it, anyway the response was a very resounding “NO! – I am hot, go put on a jacket”. Now the other girl on our set of desks had also asked, however she took it one step further and closed the window when he was away. There started a day of continued pettiness with one opening and the other closing. Eventually I requested again that surely he could not still be ‘boiling’ and could we please close the window. Again, NO.

By this stage my PMS was clocking in big time and begging for blood. I very gallantly restrained myself from crossing completely to the dark side which I can assure you would have been vulgar, violent and altogether very satisfactory! The problem with me is that once I am on this trip it takes very little for me to go from Zero to Hero (as it were). So I did the only thing a girl can do.

I requested he be moved from my sphere due to major personality differences namely that I am made of goodness and light and he is generally a pain the ****! (I like to believe this about myself .. but really even I know that is somewhat of a stretch!) Regardless, my manager, having witnessed him picking his nose the day before, was quite sympathetic to my cause. And so it is that peace shall once again descend on my world albeit in a few weeks time. However as there is some light at the end of the proverbial tunnel I can hang in there! Aren’t I brave?

Anyhow it is Friday and I will be leaving this week behind me with glee.

ANOTHER DAY..

.... Another irritation! Last week (Friday) as I sat at my desk a pungent aroma assaulted my nostrils. Perhaps pungent is a slight exaggeration however it was a smell more commonly associated with bathrooms than boardrooms. I glanced up hoping to find the guilty party looking suitably bashful. No such luck. Anyhow, it happened again on Friday afternoon.

Then yesterday, this odour once more came to my attention. I am sorry, but is there really any need to alleviate gas in the vicinity of your colleagues.. I thought not. I have my suspicions as to who the offender may be, namely the dodgy Australian who sits across from me burping (and presumably farting) his way through the day.

Today was one burp to many from ‘the all burping and farting one’, with me requesting that either he get house trained or move elsewhere! Hopefully the public shaming will end this all to comfortable behaviour!

This weekend was fairly quiet for Americo and I – lulling us into a false sense of security as the coming weekend is going to be manic in the extreme. On Saturday Americo woke up trying to con me into making him coffee. As I drink neither coffee nor tea his chances are always slim to begin with. Anyhow his attempt is well worth a mention…

As I woke up before Americo I quietly got out of bed and went to hit the shower, however the minute he felt me shift one beady little eye popped open and he said,

“Zanna, last night I had a dream”. As Americo very seldom remembers these I was interested. “What was it about?”
“Well, I dreamt that God spoke to me” he continued to explain. “God told me that you are going to make me a cup of coffee!” I turn and look at Americo, who is grinning back at me like the proverbial cat that got the cream.
“Indeed?” I reply - “Did God happen to mention that your cup of coffee will only be making an appearance once I have had a shower?”
Somewhat crestfallen he looks at me
“He guessed you would say something like that!”

THE WILD SIDE CALLS...

Last night we fell asleep to the gentle pitter patter of rain. It got me thinking about my appreciation of turbulent weather, even though the conditions were anything but! There is something about howling wind and driving rain that calls to my feral side.

Let me explain, in Africa I loved watching thunderstorms. The day starts out as any other except there is a heaviness in the atmosphere, a smell of ozone in the air. It might be hours before the rain comes but you can feel the electricity, a taste of expectancy. Slowly the clouds gather, turning the sky a bruised colour - night has come early. The clouds go black, full of water, eager for release.. But not yet. There is a loud rumble in the distance as the thunder growls across the land, like so many tables being dragged and pots broken. Silence! A flash, splitting the sky in half, a delay, then an almighty BOOM as the sound of lightening catches up to you. Chaos reigns above but still not a drop has been spilt. The roar of thunder and lightening grows, ever closer, until it feels as though the sky will plummet to the ground.

At last relief comes with that first droplet of water, the beginning of a deluge. There is nothing gentle about this storm, after all the advertising it does not disappoint, the rain pours forth. The water is forceful, impatient to reach earth. If you step outside now you will feel the power as drops zing against your skin. This is my time, having waited so long, this is the time I go out to welcome the rain. Then it is over as though it never was.

Ahh, an African Thunderstorm, so awesome that words cannot capture its essence!

Here we do not get the driving rain that rushes over Savannah lands into the mountains but I have an alternative. The Wind, an untamed force, in a submissive land. Come winter the arctic blows its icy fingers across the UK. On these days I lift my face to greet it, raising my arms wide. The wind rushes forward in answer pulling my hair and clawing at my coat. I struggle to explain this wildness that runs through me. It is an eccentric, but significant part of my being. Like the storm or the wind, something unreachable, wild and free..

Now don’t get me wrong. As much as I love to dance under the pouring rain in Africa the chances of me doing so here are fairly slim! Drizzly weather does not appeal to me in the same fashion!

I HAD A DREAM..

Last night I dreamt we were living in a haunted house. It was very graphic, with that feeling of dread as the walls started to shake and I watched in horror when the roof began to collapse in on us with a huge roar. I awoke with a cold sensation that only dreams can induce.....

....... to find Americo snoring loudly in my ear! This was a very frustrating moment for me, where usually I would kick him until he shut up, my silencing leg is currently out of commission, so I gently (or not as the case may be) nudged Americo into wakefulness with my shoulder.

Actually we seem to have had a slight shift in sleeping habits which I am not very happy with. Historically I was the first to fall asleep in the belief that Americo remained awake to guard me in repose. Recently this has not been the case! In fact, this week he has actually fallen asleep BEFORE me??? Not really a good thing for him, as I am a nervous night time person and keep asking 'What was that?' - thereby waking him constantly until I do eventually drifts off to nod. I have said it before and I shall say it again .. isn’t he a lucky man?

We have now finalised our trip to the States – well, what else was I to do whilst recuperating? Instead of focusing our efforts only on Orlando we have decided to do a road trip round Florida. Our starting point will be in Tampa where we land, 3 days in Orlando to visit two of the theme parks, onwards to Miami. From Miami we will then return to Tampa via the Everglades and up the west coast. I cannot wait.. now to find that perfect bikini!

Wish me luck this evening as my friend Liz is coming round for dinner and scrabble - hopefully, my planning has been a bit slack this time. Last time she thoroughly thrashed me so tonight is all about saving face.

TUESDAY!

I am slowly but surely recovering from my varicose vein operation but must mention that it is not the most pleasant of experiences. As well as the beautiful bruising, I have a 4-5cm cut in my groin that totally grosses me out every time I look at it! I did think about taking photo’s and posting them for a keepsake but really it is too revolting… The other cuts are inconsequential as they don’t give me any pain and will be all gone in a jiffy.

Before this operation I was a huge advocate of “plastic fantastic.. baby”! In that when/if Americo and I ever have children every part of my body would be returned to pre-child proportions. Now, however, I feel that plastic surgery really should be the last option. That is not to say that I have gone all extremist in the other direction - I still want the right to choose! It is just that I now remember how painful it is to go under the knife.

So to this end I have a shocking announcement… I am going to start being healthier. I have no expectations that this will last long as I get bored easily and generally lack dedication. However in order to keep the bulge at bay I feel that something really must be done. SO! Once all the holes are sealed I shall be joining a swimming pool and taking up where I left off MANY years ago. Any helpful hints would be appreciated..

Yesterday I spoke to my Aunt Mary who told me that someone from our French side of the family (on my mother’s side) have written a little book about our history/family tree. How exciting! Unfortunately it is all in French so will need to be translated but I am eager to get a copy with family stories dating back to 1066! I will keep you posted.

All Done!

I had my operation on Tuesday and all has gone well. I am feeling somewhat battered and bruised with a beautiful patchwork of black and purple running up and down my leg where they pulled the vein out.

There were a few touch and go moment such as when the nurse came to take my blood and then attached a hose pipe to the vein to get a FEW vials.. by the end of that I was feeling somewhat queasy and Americo didn't look much better!

I won't go into all the gory details but would like to mention that I was incredibly brave and did not head for the doors the minute I saw a needle.

When I came to I had a very nice nurse who I was absolutely convinced was Americo and kept insisting that he take me home IMMEDIATELY as I was sick of being in hospital! He on the other hand tried to explain that he was not Americo and as such could not take me anywhere.. Once I was a bit more compesmentis he said that I was speaking in Portuguese?? Not quite sure where that came from but it seems those classes did actually pay off - I just have to be doped up in order to use them!

Anyway I am signing off now. I will be back on Monday.

IT'S PINK!

The other night Americo did a load of washing. As a red pair of fisherman trousers we got in Thailand would be included I reiterated that no whites, whatsoever, should be involved… You can see the impending doom.. I transferred everything from washer to tumble dryer and guess what I found? Americo’s once very manly football socks were now a lovely shade of salmon, along with his ankle guard and some other choice items. I have to admit to a little chuckle of amusement seeing my husband rushing about trying to get his gear together with pink ankle guard on one foot and a jaundiced expression directed at the socks.

I have not always been the ‘demi-domestic goddess’ you see before you. In fact when I came to the UK my kitchen skills consisted of nuking a potato in the microwave and not much more. I remember one boyfriend’s mother saying ‘She is lovely darling.. but I don’t think she can cook!’

My second home in London was a houseshare on Fladgate Road. I was living with a group of friends from Zimbabwe along with my brother and his wife. Being so far from home we were more a family unit than a typical shared house. Everyone had a duties partner and each ‘couple’ had their chance of cooking a proper meal once a week. However, as I could not cook my partner would only allow me to watch and clean. The one day, seeing me wielding a knife, he removed the danger from my hands and asked me to please sit out of harms way.

To return the kindness I offered to iron his shirt whilst he cooked dinner. All I can say is it seemed like a good idea at the time. It started off so well, that is until about half way through when the iron got a little sticky and I lifted it to find a newly inserted hole. After this episode not only was I banned from the kitchen but my washing duties were limited to putting the washing machine on where upon magical little Fairies would descend, transfer them to the tumble dryer and onwards to my bedroom all neatly folded! Oh how I miss those days!!

This weekend is a busy one for us, we have my cousin’s 40th birthday party which is themed fancy dress. Americo has been inspired, suggesting he will be going as .. himself! Hmmmm. I on the other hand intend to make just a little bit more of an effort within what we have at home. Do you think I could put my wedding dress back on and go as Julia Roberts in The Run Away Bride? No? I didn’t really think so either. Undoubtedly something will spring to mind between now and tomorrow.

Sunday we are walking with friends round Henley on Thames with a little picnic at some halfway point – lets hope the weather stays as beautiful as it is today. Finally, as Monday is a bank holiday, we are off to the park for volley ball. After much beating of chests last weekend we have a tournament of some description going ahead. My money is on Americo and Bob, mostly because the are brutal and hate to loose!

Tuesday is my op so I will probably be out of commission and off the blog until the following Monday.. Until then!