ALL CHANGE

Four days to go until I am officially unemployed. Phew! How nerve-wracking. I didn’t think I would be feeling quite as sentimental about leaving, when I resigned two months ago, as I do now. The X has been where all my proper, grown up experiences have occurred. This was my first ever permanent job. Whilst I have been working here Americo and I bought our first home, we got engaged and married. All this kindly funded (on my side) by my salary at The X. This job has been the first where I have had a constant, monthly income – I didn’t realise how much I took it for granted. There is nothing quite so satisfying as knowing that next month your bank account will, miraculously, be replenished!

Anyway, I have already jumped so, here’s to a thrilling ride, not to many bumps and a great adventure! Now I am shamelessly going to say that should any of you find yourselves in need of a virtual assistant, for a small fee, I am available at www.theprivatesecretary.co.uk.

In other news, life is very quiet these days with Americo eager beavering about with his MBA. In his words – one month down…….. 23 to go. Comforting thought is it not? However, we did manage to take yesterday off and enjoy the sunshine. On a whim we decided to go to Richmond park, leaving our car at Trevor’s house (in East Sheen.. though he will swear it is Richmond), from there to walk and find a spot in the park.

As we were leaving our car at Trev’s it was only polite to knock on the door and say a friendly hello. To be honest neither of us thought he would be up, after it was only 12pm. [Trevor takes sleeping to Olympic levels.] On this day however, we were in luck, they were up and active we had a quick catch up, outlining our plans for the day. As theirs were along similar lines they came to join us in the park.

What a blissful afternoon.

We lazed about eating, talking nonsense, playing cards – honestly, does life get more perfect? Good friends, great weather and food!

After a slumberous afternoon we played a little Frisbee. Sadly our chosen patch of park was not particularly geared up to running and catching; what with holes, rocks and deer turd (sh*te) littering the space making it all quite hazardous – and that is not even mentioning my lack of hand eye co-ordination, or my windmill running technique.

Americo on the other hand bounced about like an over grown Labrador, catching every Frisbee thrown his way, I eventually sat out just to watch him in action!

THE BATTLEAXE...

Our dear friend Trevor moved off to the bright lights of North Sheen about a year ago. He and some friend rented this beautiful house, in a quiet neighbourhood..

Not long after they had moved in Americo and I went to visit, London streets are notoriously awful for parking so we were thrilled when we noticed a parking space virtually outside their front door. Yay! We zipped in and dashed into the house.. not before noticing this little old biddy staring murderously at us. Oh well. We mentioned the crazy to Trev who explained that she is very territorial about anyone parking in front of her house… Even though she has no car… and potentially visitors!

Anyway, this Sunday we thought we would pop in and see Trevor – it was reasonably early in the evening and, surprisingly, there was loads of parking. As we weren’t sure he was home Americo idled the car whilst I jumped out the car to bang on the door. Unfortunately my knocks went unanswered, along with calling through the letterbox. Anyhow, I turned to go back to the car when the Battleaxe (as she will now be referred to) came charging out the house.

“Move your car, Move your car.”

Jump back lady, clearly not staying long as the engine is still on (ready for our fast get away from the madness!). I got back in the car and Americo, having witnessed this bizarre behaviour asked what was going on. I explained that she didn’t like where we were parked, even though, only the nose of the car could have been venturing anywhere near her sight.

There she stood, the crazy old coot, in her blue dressing gown glaring at us through her living room window.

We thought we would give Trev one last call before heading for home (tenacious aren’t we?). He hadn’t heard my knocking as he was somewhat preoccupied, hurling his guts out in the toilet. What can I say, we have perfect timing. But don’t go feeling too sorry for Trevie, it was all self induced!

So The Battleaxe watched us get out the car and, not wanting to loose her opportunity she pounced as we reached the door. Shouting in a heavily accented voice to “move the car – move the car!”.

Mmmmmm, I rushed the house, Americo pretended oblivion and Trevor was too dazed to take anything in!

Seriously! Has no one ever heard a teaspoon of sugar does a lot more that a bottle of vinigar?

WELCOME.. 2010

A Happy New Year to one and all! 2010 has blown in on rather a chilly wind with snow engulfing much of the UK. My New Year’s resolutions remain much the same, enjoy life to the fullest, carry on as I have every year, NOT give up smoking … unless absolutely necessary. This year though there is a variant from my usual theme; 2010 is our year of change, I am expecting great things from the next twelve months.

As I am sure I made you ALL aware Americo and I went to Australia for Christmas. Put simply, it was bliss! We had the most wonderful time with many special thank you’s to all our friends; the holiday would not have been the same without you! There are so many highlights from our trip that I barely know where to begin.

Our first destination was Airlie Beach, the gateway to the Whitsundays and the Great Barrier Reef (well the start thereof...). After so much travelling I have to admit our first day was a wipe out, mostly spent doing … nothing! Unfortunately our vacationing times coincided perfectly with the arrival of stinger season. This is basically when nature’s most venomous jelly fish go on tour, cruising the seas of Northern Australia and turning all potential swimmers turn into extra’s from the Teletubbies. Let me explain… To avoid getting zapped by the poisonous tentacles of the jellies you wear a stinger suit (hahaha – see what I mean!), this covers you from head to foot in thin lycra (very unforgiving) and turns a beach full of sun worshipers into a horrific version of the children’s TV show.

Anyway, we went to the Great Barrier Reef, snorkelled and saw many fishies, the biggest of which was George the Grouper weighing in at HUGE (9 feet long and 300kg). For your benefit I have scoured the net and found some photo graphic proof … although they truly do not do him justice. He was described to us as the size of a cow with no legs and though I scoffed that was actually pretty apt.

Our next tour was a trip round the Whitsunday islands finishing off at the beautiful Whitehaven beach. This has now become Americo’s all time favourite beach, in the world, with crystal clear waters and silicon sand. I will have to dredge up a photo of my own Teletubbie waddling down the beach in his flippers!

Now we come to the Kayaking…. I can see many of you shaking your heads in wonder that I would EVER agree to do something so physically strenuous. All I can say is .. it had good PR. To be honest the kayaking was my idea, I had the rather idealistic image of Americo and I paddling about the ocean with not a care in the world. Anyhow after some research a full day’s kayaking would equate to 14 kilometres of hard work, I looked at my dearest husband and suggested that, possibly, the half day would be a more sensible option. This is where the PR comes in.. Both Max and Americo sat there smirking and selling the benefits of a full days excursion with lines like “don’t worry Zanna, it is not like you will actually DO any rowing”.

HA!

My ideals of a romantic time for two were shattered, Americo turned into drill sergeant extraordinaire and thus I spent the day rowing like a demon.

They suggested biking the next day… needless to say I gracefully bowed out and went for a massage!

GOODBYES

We are once again alone in the house as my friend has moved back to her home. I was sure that she would be marked by her experiences of living with us and had a little chuckle when she wrote the other day to confirm my suspicions. To give a bit of back ground..

Americo and I have lived in our home for just over a year and, in that time, we have basically … moved in. I have only recently put photo’s in picture frames, being somewhat decorationally challenged, amongst other things!

For the first year we had not one curtain - until my mother came to the rescue providing cover for all our downstairs window requirements. The rooms on the second floor however are still open to the neighbours, should they have an interest to peek. It is in one of these rooms that my friend has been living for the last few months.

In case you haven’t already guessed a curtainless room does not a sanctuary provide! There is no chance of wandering about naked, well .. not unless you are VERY still, in the crouch position, behind the bed, in one corner. Basically, much more effort than reward! So she devised a routine whereby she would take all her clothes to the bathroom, shower and then get changed in the corridor (spare bathroom is V.small) – safe from any neighbourly curiosity.

Anyhow, she has now moved back to her home and e-mailed me the other day saying..

“Had my shower this morning, grabbed my clothes and headed into the hallway to get dressed……. Then realised……. I HAVE CURTAINS!”

Hehehe

I am waiting to hear what other lasting effects living with us will have had!

THE FUTURE

I love this picture, brilliant in so many ways.. Firstly, the future is inevitable and secondly – do you really want to know about it?

I love all things shrouded in mystery – tarot cards, palm readers, mystics and psychics. When Americo and I were in Miami I persuaded him to let me blow some of our hard earned cash on getting my palm read, don’t get me wrong this is not something I subscribe to merely a little bit of fun, anyway it was fascinating! She did not ask me anything about myself just started right in on what she foresaw in my future. Afterwards I began to wander, having heard what she had to say, does this then affect the decisions that I will make? It is as though physiologically I have now been pre-advised of my decision and, so as not to tempt fate, I have to choose what I have been advised to choose! Does that make sense? Because you have been told X is the way forward you are now fearsome to choose Y.

This weekend I am planning a little get together in the park, it is almost an annual event in aid of my birthday, only this year it is slightly late. Oh Well! Usually I excel at organising and arranging these events but recently I seem to have lost momentum. I am not sure if it is a sign of getting older or just a sign of getting complacent. Whatever, I plan to rectify the situation with a series of busy activities.

I recently found out that Americo (poor, sheltered man that he is) has never seen, or indeed heard, of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. So, in the interests of cultural diversification, I feel it is my duty to take him off to the ‘Sing-A-Long’ version - where best dressed wins a prize. I am in two minds on whether to warn him of the wonders that await, or, just throw him into a pair of gold hotpants, a la Rocky Horror, and head out for the night. For those of you who are Rocky virgins (surely there cannot be many?) I highly recommend this as an evening’s entertainment! Although be advised it is not for the feint hearted or the morally motivated.

Speaking of motivation, The Girls – Pearl, Tanya and myself went to our first night of all Women’s Volley Ball on Tuesday, funded by our very generous Government.. Oh Me, Oh MY… the PAIN! Personally I just do not believe in the mantra “No Pain, No gain”, seriously - who comes up with this nonsense? Generally I avoid all forms of excercise holding firm to my belief that when I feel energetic - I lie on the sofa and wait for the feeling to pass!

I can honestly say I was cursing my stupidity at being SO vigorous as I crawled up the stairs and heaved myself into bed. Luckily I survived to tell the tale! And am still so thoroughly enamoured with volley ball that I will be back there next week.

Until then!

HOME.. please?

Today I have limited enthusiasm in work, compounded with a side of no interest drenched in apathy! I know every one hates Monday’s, the thing is, generally, I don’t, however this Monday feels like it should have been consigned to the trash can early on. So, in the interests of my sanity, I have written the day off to predominantly attempting to look busy and surfing the net. Even with these kinds of low ambitions I may not reach my goal, however I shall endeavour!

What, I hear you asking has brought on this bout idleness? Well, to put it simply, I am exhausted! It all started like this….

Friday, our day of regrouping before the weekend, we were invited out for a ‘quiet drink’. I should have known better, there is no such thing as a quiet anything with our friends - I can only put this down to being foolishly optimistic. Even more foolishly however I offered to be the designated driver (much better to have been the drinker than the driver!) The pub was filled with discrete couples and groups chatting quietly and having the epitome of a ‘quiet drink’. Enter the Zimbabwean contingent…

I must admit, when we arrived, the boys were looking very civil, this soon descended into raucous laughter and debauchery. Ending with the drinkers polishing off all the Yagermister (sp) the bar owned and suspect versions of love songs sung to beautiful woman. All and all an evening of embarrassing revelations, free entertainment for the other patrons (dodgy dancing to footloose) and many, MANY, mocking stories for years to come! (woot woot – sorry Bobby, had to do it!)

Saturday dawned bright and sparky for some (i.e. ME) and a dark and cloudy for others. I must admit to a certain smugness at my lack of hangover, it was unfortunately short lived as we had to do repairs to the shower at the rental. We had just finished when the phone rang asking what our afternoons intentions were .. here we go again.. So of we headed for a braai (BBQ) at Trev’s house with Tanya (my sister) joining us there. It was a great afternoon/evening we played games, gossiped laughed and ate until we could eat no more. However it was another late night!

We made it to bed after 1, and up and rushing at 8 to go walking with J&J. By now we were both talked out, it was a very silent trip to our meeting point interspersed with curses when we could not find our final destination! Luckily Americo and I are such happy people and, once we had navigated ourselves to civilisation, the world was back to rights. We had a lovely walk, although my suggestion of shorts turned out to be rather rubbish as we were stung, mercilessly, by stinging nettles! Bloody country life!!

After reading this you are probably feeling as exhausted as we were however…. It was not over! Nope, we still had things to do and people to see.. So we leaped back in our little car and headed over to Ham to meet up with S & I and their families. We eventually touched down at the home base last night after nine to sort ourselves out for the week ahead.

So you see, having burnt the candle at both ends I am feeling a little jaded and uninterested in what today has to offer – unless it is offering a good nights sleep!

CELEBRATION

Oh there is just so much to tell that I barely know where to begin! We left off on Friday with me dashing to the station and heading off to Reading for Pearl’s 30th. I am sorry to say that there are no decent photo’s of the evening, such a same…

The train journey to Reading was fairly uneventful and I successfully managed to navigate my way to the hotel without getting lost, quite an achievement for a girl who cannot tell her left from her right. Pearl’s party was held in a very trendy cocktail bar where she had hired out the VIP lounge.. and thus the evening began. Two for one cocktails - it sounds like a good idea, however the next morning, when you feel that someone has opened a mining operation to your brain, it is not quite so clever. Anyhow a wonderful night was had by all, ending with Americo & I weaving our way to the hotel at about 3ish.

On Saturday I woke to an anvil being repeatedly bashed upon my skull and the BOOM, BOOM, BOOM of the new Black Eyed Peas song on repeat. Oooh the pain, the pain; I was somewhat cheered though to see that Americo was not faring any better! (Misery loves company!) Feeling slightly better after breakfast (lunch), painkillers and coke we gingerly walked to the car.

From Reading we had to find our way to Pear & Peter’s to prepare for the next leg of our celebration weekend. Little problem, our trusty TomTom had gone on strike - leaving us stranded in ‘the city of one ways’. Bravely we ventured where no unSat-Nav’ed car had gone before.

Eventually our TomTom was coaxed back into life and we arrived and P&P’s. Only now time was limited and we had to race about trying to get ready for the Blessing. No small task considering we all felt (and I am sure looked) somewhat jaded after the night before.

We made it to the Blessing, arriving fashionably late, to a greeting party of the Zimbabwean contingent outside, in the rain, having a communal cigarette..

Tomorrow I shall endeavour to provide highlights the weekend, of which when alcohol is involved, there are many!

Comic, care of Metro - nemi

LOVE & MARRIAGE

A few years ago a friend of mine asked his father what the secret to a long and happy marriage was. His father’s reply was very interesting..
“I loved her more, the times she loved me less”. Sadly there is no hard and fast secret recipe for a good marriage, but I really like this theory.

Americo’s and my relationship goes through cycles, of course I love my husband but there are times when I feel such a total adoration for him that it hurts. Other times - he bugs the hell out of me!

This morning was definitely one of those days. We are going to my friend Pearl’s 30th birthday party tonight and then, tomorrow, onwards to a wedding for other friends of ours. Unfortunately the week has not panned out quite the way I foresaw it; mostly with me having everything organised in preparation of picking up my suitcase this morning and swanning out the house. As it was I ended up madly shuffling through clothes for both events whilst Americo lay in bed being more of a hindrance (to both the packing & my humour) than a help. Thankfully I managed to settle on our gear and close the case, however ….

…. This was definitely a moment in time where I loved him less! Luckily it short lived as I managed to find the amusing side of his general morning patheticness.

This week has been chaotic, my commander & chief is off on holiday, leaving today, so we have been on panic mode trying to get everything out in preparation for his absence (and my holiday at the end of next week). What I am trying to say is, I shall be back on Monday, possibly even with photo’s of yours truly looking suitably out of place clubbing in Reading… wish me luck! More so that you may think necessary, as I packed for my clubbing experience half asleep and have probably left some vital part of my wardrobe at home!

BOYS BEHAVING BADLY

I know, I know, I have been slack the last couple of weeks with my posting. As they say the road to hell is paved in good intentions and none have been better than mine!
This last weekend was crazy, as previously predicted. The bachelor’s went off with a bang, many a hangover and more successfully achieved. My husband came rolling in at 5am a veritable paragon of society compared to the other drunkards! I know this as I was the welcoming party for the early arrivals (we had 7 or so people staying with us after the bash) who came in requesting necessities such as water, buckets and headache pills…. I am sure by now you can see the theme this post will be taking so read on.

As beds and bedding were limited I had enough sleeping accommodation for an extra 6 people with an additional mattress etc to be provided by the main organiser. Unfortunately in the rush to set off for the evening’s entertainment the extra inflatable mattress was not unloaded the from the car and so we were one bed short. Normally this would not be a problem but things being as they were the couch had already been taken over.

Anyhow, I woke up to the not so quiet debate between Mr X and Americo on whether he could sleep on the floor at the end of our bed. After much discussion (basically Americo gave up arguing) Mr X was provided with pillows from the sofa and our TV rug whereupon he curled up on the floor and drifted into a drunken slumber. Unfortunately Americo and I were not so lucky…

It started with a gentle hum, within five minutes however the snoring had escalated, reverberating about the room and eliminating any chance of sleep. Something had to be done! Americo tried prodding our inebriated friend, calling his name, banging on the bed, all to no avail. Eventually I wrapped the pillow about my head and attempted to get some sleep, you have to understand that although this muted the sound it still fell woefully short of the requirement levels! I cannot explain the racket, something akin to sleeping in a timber mill - under the saw! At one stage I seriously contemplated setting up my hammock on the balcony, finally vetoing the idea once I had reviewed effort against time.

Now you would think that all ends here – guess what, it doesn’t! No bachelor’s is complete without the obligatory hurling episode and ours was no different. When I could remain in bed no longer I ventured into our en suite bathroom, only to stop at the threshold. I won’t give the full graphics as I am sure you can include your own imagery but suffice to say, I made it no further. The downstairs bathroom had fared only slightly better in that the culprit had made it to the toilet. However, all is well that ends well with thanks to Mr X who gave our bathroom floor a thorough cleaning!

Our friend Peter is very happy to have had the bucket of shame title taken from him and handed down to the very deserving brothers grim who have christened the toilets in our new home. They in return were suitably ashamed to have received such particular honour.

I HAD A DREAM..

Last night I dreamt we were living in a haunted house. It was very graphic, with that feeling of dread as the walls started to shake and I watched in horror when the roof began to collapse in on us with a huge roar. I awoke with a cold sensation that only dreams can induce.....

....... to find Americo snoring loudly in my ear! This was a very frustrating moment for me, where usually I would kick him until he shut up, my silencing leg is currently out of commission, so I gently (or not as the case may be) nudged Americo into wakefulness with my shoulder.

Actually we seem to have had a slight shift in sleeping habits which I am not very happy with. Historically I was the first to fall asleep in the belief that Americo remained awake to guard me in repose. Recently this has not been the case! In fact, this week he has actually fallen asleep BEFORE me??? Not really a good thing for him, as I am a nervous night time person and keep asking 'What was that?' - thereby waking him constantly until I do eventually drifts off to nod. I have said it before and I shall say it again .. isn’t he a lucky man?

We have now finalised our trip to the States – well, what else was I to do whilst recuperating? Instead of focusing our efforts only on Orlando we have decided to do a road trip round Florida. Our starting point will be in Tampa where we land, 3 days in Orlando to visit two of the theme parks, onwards to Miami. From Miami we will then return to Tampa via the Everglades and up the west coast. I cannot wait.. now to find that perfect bikini!

Wish me luck this evening as my friend Liz is coming round for dinner and scrabble - hopefully, my planning has been a bit slack this time. Last time she thoroughly thrashed me so tonight is all about saving face.

IT'S PINK!

The other night Americo did a load of washing. As a red pair of fisherman trousers we got in Thailand would be included I reiterated that no whites, whatsoever, should be involved… You can see the impending doom.. I transferred everything from washer to tumble dryer and guess what I found? Americo’s once very manly football socks were now a lovely shade of salmon, along with his ankle guard and some other choice items. I have to admit to a little chuckle of amusement seeing my husband rushing about trying to get his gear together with pink ankle guard on one foot and a jaundiced expression directed at the socks.

I have not always been the ‘demi-domestic goddess’ you see before you. In fact when I came to the UK my kitchen skills consisted of nuking a potato in the microwave and not much more. I remember one boyfriend’s mother saying ‘She is lovely darling.. but I don’t think she can cook!’

My second home in London was a houseshare on Fladgate Road. I was living with a group of friends from Zimbabwe along with my brother and his wife. Being so far from home we were more a family unit than a typical shared house. Everyone had a duties partner and each ‘couple’ had their chance of cooking a proper meal once a week. However, as I could not cook my partner would only allow me to watch and clean. The one day, seeing me wielding a knife, he removed the danger from my hands and asked me to please sit out of harms way.

To return the kindness I offered to iron his shirt whilst he cooked dinner. All I can say is it seemed like a good idea at the time. It started off so well, that is until about half way through when the iron got a little sticky and I lifted it to find a newly inserted hole. After this episode not only was I banned from the kitchen but my washing duties were limited to putting the washing machine on where upon magical little Fairies would descend, transfer them to the tumble dryer and onwards to my bedroom all neatly folded! Oh how I miss those days!!

This weekend is a busy one for us, we have my cousin’s 40th birthday party which is themed fancy dress. Americo has been inspired, suggesting he will be going as .. himself! Hmmmm. I on the other hand intend to make just a little bit more of an effort within what we have at home. Do you think I could put my wedding dress back on and go as Julia Roberts in The Run Away Bride? No? I didn’t really think so either. Undoubtedly something will spring to mind between now and tomorrow.

Sunday we are walking with friends round Henley on Thames with a little picnic at some halfway point – lets hope the weather stays as beautiful as it is today. Finally, as Monday is a bank holiday, we are off to the park for volley ball. After much beating of chests last weekend we have a tournament of some description going ahead. My money is on Americo and Bob, mostly because the are brutal and hate to loose!

Tuesday is my op so I will probably be out of commission and off the blog until the following Monday.. Until then!

That Disaster Dinner..

Oh what a weekend. On Thursday I prepared Americo’s favourite dinner – Oxtail. If anyone has ever cooked oxtail you will know that it is a very flavourful meat that is as tough as old boots unless cooked for endless hours. Usually I would do this in the pressure cooker which cuts the cooking time by half and is guaranteed eating satisfaction. However last week I thought I would be adventurous and experiment… on Thursday I cooked it for two and a half hours in the oven expecting that it would require only a further one and a half hours on Friday night. I was misled! By 11pm on Friday dinner was still a bit too much on the chewy side and my husband was looking decidedly grouchy. So it was with grumbling tummies and chastised attitudes we went to bed.

You will be happy to know that the oxtail, after a further hour in the pressure cooker, was salvaged and tasted very nice and tender the next day. However 6 hours in the oven and the extra hour seem a bit excessive for any meal. Next time (as Americo expressed on numerous occasions) I shall stick to the tried and tested method! You see sweetheart, I do on occasion listen to you!!

On Saturday, having recovered from our disappointments of the night before, we set out for a lovely day with friends. Storme & I went to Tori’s kitchen tea whilst Ian and Americo amused themselves by purchasing all the ingredients for our dinner. What was to be a quiet evening of just 4 ended as a drunken shindig with all the boys on top form. I cannot remember when I have laughed so much! As I was not drinking the mantle of designated driver fell to me. I have to admit to a certain gratitude that my charges were all slightly under the weather.. thereby unable to remember the trip or my driving home! Actually it wasn’t as bad as all that but I truly do not think I could have handled 4 extra backseat drivers making helpful suggestions.

Sunday dawned beautiful and sunny (possibly a little too sunny for Americo who, from what I understand, had a marching band playing in his head). Unfortunately there was no time for sympathies as we had to be up and att’em so that we could replenish our stocks at Costco then onwards and upwards to lunch with Pearl and Peter. We arrived at P&P’s with our 6 months worth of meat and promptly rearranged their fridge to accommodate all our food. After a lovely lunch in their beautiful garden we drove home for many a delightful hour of unpacking, wrapping and stacking.

Come Monday morning I was looking forward to the relative peace of going back to work! Now it is Tuesday and the shine of Monday has definitely been tarnished!

AUSTRALIA

This weekend we had friends round for dinner. There were 7 of us in total and one baby addition. I love nights like this, good food, good friends and good drink! Not that I am a major drinker, but I must admit that when you are sitting round the table, solving all the worlds problems, there is nothing better than a good scotch on the rocks. Saturday night was extra special as we were introduced to J & J’s little daughter, who is very new to the world at a month old. She behaved wonderfully and to be honest by the end of the evening I was feeling that little tug towards motherhood. Not so Americo!

Americo comes from a family of all boys, his experience of babies is nil to non existent. In fact I remember when we were dating in Zimbabwe and his sister in law brought round his newborn nephew for a family introduction. Americo peered into the pram, lifted some blankets, looked blankly at L and said “where is it?”. Some people love babies, some people don’t, Americo on the other hand just has no idea what to do with something so small!

As I have mentioned before we (I think mostly me) were looking at applying for our visa to Australia. Mentally I have already relocated, planned where we are going to live and envisioned everything. I cannot see us settling here, in the UK and at the rate Zimbabwe is floundering I cannot see us settling there either. This leaves us in a very tricky predicament. Luckily when I chose my husband, I selected best of the man brand. Americo and I are very good at different things, I tend to rush ahead with mad-hatter schemes, looking into this and that, whilst Americo ponders the options set before him, then tackles them in an irritatingly logical way - thank goodness I married him as I am not sure anyone else would stand so strong against the force of my will!

Americo is a natural pessimist whilst I am an eternal optimist and the one trait we both share in abundance is our tenacious belief that we are correct… However, after long discussions I learn to temper my enthusiasm and he takes on some of my excitement. So what about Australia? Well my friends we have decided to delay. Our decision will be made once we have returned from our holiday to Aus in December. This is a revoltingly sensible and depressingly logical decision but will, I am sure, eventually lead to the best outcome.

Meanwhile time marches on, we only have a month before we are off to South Africa and our diaries are fully booked until then.

HOME ALONE

This weekend Americo went for the bachelor part of the hen I went to last weekend.

As they were flying to Belfast I was woken up at the crack of dawn to drive him to the station. It was a proud moment for my dear husband as I stumbled out of the house in my pyjamas at 6:45 on Saturday morn.

When I returned home P, who spent Friday night and Saturday with me, was still safely tucked up in bed. I thought it was very charitable of me to let her sleep in! When Americo woke me I believe I muttered something to the effect of “if you pull P out of bed by her feet I will get out of bed to come and watch”. You see, if I am unpleasant in the morning P is doubly so, thus it would have made waking up worthwhile!

Saturday night I was on my ownsome, lonesome, P having left earlier in the evening. I don’t know what it is about being home alone but you seem to regress. In that moment, when all the lights are off and I am lying in bed, it feels as though every bogey man from my childhood has come back to haunt me. I know it is ridiculous, but still I am scouring the shadows, looking for my make believe axe murderer who has somehow materialised now that all is in darkness. This reminds me of one big bump in the night….

Sometime ago in our old house, Americo and I had just gotten into bed and turned off the lights when there was an almighty crash. Americo leapt out of bed, yanked open a draw and dashed downstairs to confront our would be intruder. When he came back upstairs I asked what he had retrieved from the draw. To my astonishment I found out it was a hulking, great big kitchen knife! Said knife was kept in our room should the need arise for Americo to protect his devoted wife. Anyhow, that weekend we had friends for dinner and I told the story of Americo and the Knife.

As occasionally happens one of our friends ended up staying the night. The next morning, over breakfast, he tells me how he woke up, desperate for a pee but petrified about going to the loo and being accosted by a naked, knife wielding Americo!