OUR WEEKEND OF MISADVENTURES..

As I am sure you have probably guessed, this weekend … we played volleyball. What can I say, the minute the sun shines I feel it is my duty to head out to the park and utilise every last minute. And so started our weekend of misadventures…

Usually I decline to be on any side that has my most delightful of husbands on it. This is not because I am tempted to throw myself into his arms at every opportunity, nor for fear that we may distract each other. No. The reason I refuse to be on his team is simply because he is draconian, playing sports with Americo is akin to having a tyrant on your team. He bosses you about then attempts to explain the game, in simple terms. I end up feeling like a 5 year old, with coach detailing that the ball, flying at speed, requires for you to return it over the net. Really? I have always wondered about those finer details!

The problem is - everyone else knows what he’s like too! Therefore, because I love him so much and will eventually forgive his bad behaviour on court, I inevitably end up playing on his side. Americo has asked me to put in here that he is actually encouraging and uplifts moral. (hahahahahaha – what ever!)

Now, when Americo plays any ball sports he is like a fox terrier, charging for any and every ball, so much so that you eventually decide not to go for them, safe in the knowledge that back up is on its way.

Stupidly I forgot this golden rule. Picture the scene, ball coming directly at me, I leap up (looking remarkably sporty like!) to return it and win the point. Subconsciously I hear Americo pounding up behind me, but for some reason my brain does not register the danger until…. My jaw connects with his steel encased arm. OH the pain! It felt as though my jaw had been disconnected, in fact I initially wondered if it had!

Who would have thought that I, Zanna HTDS, would ever get to the stage of receiving a sporting injury? SO impressive! Others were less enthused by my war wound, suggesting that it is not a TRUE sporting injury. WHAT?? I was playing sports and got injured.. hence…? I am however happy to report that my jaw has now re-aligned itself and all is well that ends well (aside from the odd clicking when I chew!).

Unfortunately things were not so simple for Americo, who, after thumping me in the jaw with his reinforced steel arm, was bitten by some tiny, nondescript but vicious bug. The initial attack was so unexceptional that my hero did not even notice until much later in the evening when his foot resembled a balloon with toes. In true style we ignored his fat foot for the next day with expectations that the swelling would – well – just go! Come Monday morning (public holiday) unbelievably his foot was even bigger. Although we were all laughing about him having a kankle (calf/ankle) I did, in between giggles, manage to get him a doctor’s appointment.

The doctors recommended kankle treatment is a course of anti-inflammatory and antihistamine, which has left Americo feeling slightly wasted. Still he has laughed along with the rest of us about his current condition mostly, I think, because it is not actually painful! Otherwise he would have been ooohing and aaahing determined that the angels are calling his name. I promise you – there is none as sick as a male creature.

FAMILY..

Firstly ladies and gentlemen, you will all be happy to know that my dearest father is feeling much better after his recent bout of malaria. I spoke to him earlier in the week and he was sounding quite chipper after having mom nurse him back to health.

My mother is a heroine at almost all things medical and has virtually become the district doctor – even though she is not one. She has handled a myriad of illnesses and accidents from malaria to chopped off fingers, third degree burns to rushing farm workers off to the hospital for births. Never mind her cool headedness when a child had her stomach blown open whilst crossing the live minefield separating Zimbabwe from Mozambique. Yes, my mom has the patience of a saint and a stomach of steel. I like to think that I take after her in many ways however when the gifts were being handed down clearly ‘Patience of a Saint’ was left off the list.

Truth be told I really do not deal very well with sick people. Americo swiftly realised this after catching a particularly severe case of ‘Man Flu’ only to find that his devoted and charming wife did not quite live up to expectations on the patience and sympathy front! The problem is twofold .. chiefly, Americo is a rubbish patient, being predominantly grizzly and grumpy as opposed to frail and ill. Secondly, I hate seeing him sick, ergo … he just shouldn’t be!

So in other news, I had a lovely lunch with my brother today who I have not seen for ages as he has shipped himself and family off to sunnier climes – lucky devil.

Last night was our final volleyball evening of the summer season, that is right folks .. summer is about to be officially over with the entire population of England going into hibernation. Thankfully we have our holiday in Australia to keep us going as the light slinks away and the temperature continues to drop. I have to put in here that Americo has been somewhat impressed with my recent spurt of commitment to a sport, I must admit that I have even surprised myself!

THE FUTURE

I love this picture, brilliant in so many ways.. Firstly, the future is inevitable and secondly – do you really want to know about it?

I love all things shrouded in mystery – tarot cards, palm readers, mystics and psychics. When Americo and I were in Miami I persuaded him to let me blow some of our hard earned cash on getting my palm read, don’t get me wrong this is not something I subscribe to merely a little bit of fun, anyway it was fascinating! She did not ask me anything about myself just started right in on what she foresaw in my future. Afterwards I began to wander, having heard what she had to say, does this then affect the decisions that I will make? It is as though physiologically I have now been pre-advised of my decision and, so as not to tempt fate, I have to choose what I have been advised to choose! Does that make sense? Because you have been told X is the way forward you are now fearsome to choose Y.

This weekend I am planning a little get together in the park, it is almost an annual event in aid of my birthday, only this year it is slightly late. Oh Well! Usually I excel at organising and arranging these events but recently I seem to have lost momentum. I am not sure if it is a sign of getting older or just a sign of getting complacent. Whatever, I plan to rectify the situation with a series of busy activities.

I recently found out that Americo (poor, sheltered man that he is) has never seen, or indeed heard, of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. So, in the interests of cultural diversification, I feel it is my duty to take him off to the ‘Sing-A-Long’ version - where best dressed wins a prize. I am in two minds on whether to warn him of the wonders that await, or, just throw him into a pair of gold hotpants, a la Rocky Horror, and head out for the night. For those of you who are Rocky virgins (surely there cannot be many?) I highly recommend this as an evening’s entertainment! Although be advised it is not for the feint hearted or the morally motivated.

Speaking of motivation, The Girls – Pearl, Tanya and myself went to our first night of all Women’s Volley Ball on Tuesday, funded by our very generous Government.. Oh Me, Oh MY… the PAIN! Personally I just do not believe in the mantra “No Pain, No gain”, seriously - who comes up with this nonsense? Generally I avoid all forms of excercise holding firm to my belief that when I feel energetic - I lie on the sofa and wait for the feeling to pass!

I can honestly say I was cursing my stupidity at being SO vigorous as I crawled up the stairs and heaved myself into bed. Luckily I survived to tell the tale! And am still so thoroughly enamoured with volley ball that I will be back there next week.

Until then!

NOBODY HOME

On Saturday we woke up at about 10am, I would like to have said bright and early but it was not to be. Americo and I are night owls no matter how hard we try. This weekend we were with Americo’s family. Americo’s mom is going off to Portugal for three months so we wanted to see her before she set off on her travels. Unfortunately, instead of having the whole weekend with family, Americo was called into an early Monday morning meeting, in Slovakia, so had to fly out on Sunday afternoon.

I have a bit of a love – hate relationship with Sunday, on one hand it is the one day a week that Americo and I (generally) spend exclusively together. On the other, when Sunday dawns it brings with it a slight resentment that Monday is shortly to follow! Whatever my relationship with Sunday it does not divert from the fact that Sundays WITH Americo are vastly more appealing than Sunday’s without. Regardless, Americo deserted me at about 1.30pm to head off to the airport and I, in the interests of self preservation, decided to travel to Richmond and watch ‘The Boys’ play volley ball.

I arrived at volley ball to late to have any actual effect as Cheerleader, and all my good intentions of bringing supplies and feeding the starving masses fell to the wayside. However I made the effort, more so than they realise...

For me the fundamental rule of London Life is to avoid buses like the plague (especially on weekends), unfortunately, as Americo had the car on Sunday I had to make certain allowances. On the way to Ham Common I have to admit to a certain novelty enchantment, it was short lived. The return journey took almost 2 hours with the most revolting creature sitting at the back of the bus spouting forth a venomous dialog consisting, predominantly, of the more earthy expressions from the gutter.

Now I am sure you have all noticed a pattern, when Americo goes out of town I head to KFC! Sunday night was no different… There I sat, with the whole evening ahead of me and my ‘kin filthy chicken’ devoured. I looked around the disaster area we currently call home and got myself motivated.

In any good attack it is important to formulate a plan - other than hoping someone else will attend to the chaos. I started to tidy. I worked my way around the ground floor with systematic thoroughness. In the kitchen I returned salt & pepper shakers etc to their rightful cupboards before making the counters shine with pride (and a little bit of help from Mr Muscle!). I repatriated the paperwork that had illegally migrated from Americo’s home office onto my dining room table. The white flag of surrender finally appeared with the arrival of heavy artillery - The Vacuum and Mop. Yes the house has been beaten into submission, for the moment, however with Americo’s return I foresee another uprising towards the end of the week!

Now I have to work up my reserve energy to tidy and clean the 2nd and third floors! It will have to be Thursday as tonight I have my volley ball – still soooo committed! And tomorrow I am going to support my colleagues in the JP Morgan run. This will mostly consist of me sitting on the grass, keeping an eye on bags whilst enjoying a very satisfying puff gulping down Pimms and Lemonade – LOVE SUMMER!!

TO SMOKE OR .. Not to?

Volley ball – I hope you are all suitably impressed with my dedication to this sport? Lets face it, I am a couch potato and my idea of exercise generally only extends to watching someone else do it.. on TV and not very often! But I am really enjoying my weekly sessions of v.ball in the park, even though my skills don’t quite equal my enthusiasm. Yesterday was the perfect day for out door pursuits, the sun was shining but the blistering heat of earlier had mellowed, and there I was sitting in the park, having a smoke waiting for the activities to begin.

I love times like this, where you are sitting almost in seclusion, enjoying a puff, reading a book and generally feeling smug at being able to block out every other being. That is until I was knocked out of my reverie by a boy of about 12 standing beside me asking for a light. I looked up at him questioning what he wanted my lighter for, he looked back at me and said “to light my smoke” (his eyes adding OBVIOULSY!). Now I realise my hypocrisy when I answered “No” - sure I am sitting there enjoying my smoke whilst simultaneously denying him, his. However, as I explained to him, I cannot, in good conscience let him smoke/start to smoke and be the provider of the fire. Was this boy my child or nephew I would sincerely hope that some adult, faced with the same quandary, would also say no!

When I got home last night I explained to Americo what had happened, he looked at me, raised an eyebrow and said “when exactly did you start smoking?” Bloody typical! “HA” I answered back “Not the point, I had far more sense than asking an adult for a light”. In our poxy little town that would have been the swiftest way to discovery. Anyway, I am not a particularly moralistic person, if I see a group of kids smoking I am unlikely to tell them to stop, but I am not exactly going to encourage them either. Unlike my beloved husband who feels that if they want a light or a cigarette you may as well hand it over - they will just get it from somewhere else anyway….

What utter nonsense, Americo NEVER has a light and he hates sharing his smokes!!!! ;0)

BACK & I'M BAD..

Last week seemed to rush past like a freight train. One minute it was Monday, the next it was Friday and I had barely managed to update my blog!

We went to Volley Ball on Tuesday; I managed to convince Americo to rush back to London from his conference so that he could partake of the festivities. As this had not been in the initial game plan Americo had no clothes with him for volley ball, so being the doting wife (that I clearly am) I lugged all his clothing about London with me. Funny how when I used to travel I could take a little day sack with me for at least 10 days but 1 pair of Americo’s shoes and my whole satchel is full. To conclude on the Volley Ball, this is not just a jolly as first thought – I seem to have signed myself up to a league so will have to be somewhat more committed than initially expected.

This weekend was full of family, Saturday was my niece’s 7th birthday which had me up at the crack of dawn in order to assist with party preparations. Sunday we had Americo’s family round for lunch.

Aaah it was a lunch to remember, and sadly not in the good way either! To begin, I know my faults, I am bossy, lack patience when irritated and generally speak my mind. It is second nature to me when I see one of my nephew’s or niece behaving badly to immediately put in a cease and desist order. Which, as far as I am concerned is not up for negotiation – it is an order with immediate effect. I bet are you are all feeling sorry for the sprogs now?

So, on to the fateful event; I caught our nephew drawing with a piece of metal on my wooden table. We had all been sitting around said table so I am not sure how I hadn’t noticed the silence that inevitably means trouble is brewing. When I caught him at it and asked ‘what the .. are you doing’ – he replied saying ‘I was bored’.

No action from the parental sector. Now this is a quandary, on one hand this is my house and the other, this is not my child. I am sorry to say that the ‘this is my house’ won the day and I refused any pudding to the cantankerous child. Explaining that the excuse of ‘I am bored’ is unacceptable whilst wilfully damaging someone else’s property!

As we sat there with one 12 year old boy in tears and everyone looking at me as though I had just sprouted horns and a tail, I have to admit to ALMOST relenting. However Americo fully backed my decision (which was an incredible relief). His mom offered to buy us a new table – not the point – and my sister in law thought my technique was far too harsh. My logic being .. will he do it again? I doubt it! What I found most uncomfortable though is that my mother in law looked at me like I had a heart of stone, as if the behaviour was all okay because it was in the family?

Saying that however I think I have a better understanding of why parent’s let their children get away with mischief. It is bloody hard to discipline a child. There is something about those big eyes staring back at you as if you have just told them that Santa doesn’t exist and all the reindeer were packed off to the glue factory.

BUSY MONDAY

Due to an impressive amount of slacking off last week I now find myself in a bit of a quagmire with regards to work. Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t slack off too much however Monday has arrived with vengeful thoughts of keeping me out of mischief! Tonight I am a work widow as Americo is off shmoozing with his newly acquired team, nevertheless, I believe in looking on the bright side of life … today’s bright side is? I get to eat my KFC fix without any of the guilty feelings associated when Americo is here! I know, it is a small thing but strangely satisfying. Americo meanwhile gets to socialise with all the big bosses, being suitably impressive and spend the night at a hotel well in the Boonies. (Boonies – somewhere MILES away from civilisation, think milk your own cow for coffee).

Yesterday we went to Volley Ball coaching in Richmond, considering we play fairly regularly you would have thought I had gained some finesse. Sadly I am astoundingly pathetic at sports so much so that I have almost honed my lack of skill into an art form. You may snigger but yesterday, after spectacularly missing the ball and landing with a loud thud on my bottom, I received an encouraging round of applause. Americo meanwhile rushes about the court like a fox terrier trying to get every ball that comes his side to the net, wiping out all other players in his wake.

So in the interests of public amusement I am going to go and PLAY volley ball tomorrow, after work, and no doubt return home with my ego broken and every muscle aching.