THE FUTURE

I love this picture, brilliant in so many ways.. Firstly, the future is inevitable and secondly – do you really want to know about it?

I love all things shrouded in mystery – tarot cards, palm readers, mystics and psychics. When Americo and I were in Miami I persuaded him to let me blow some of our hard earned cash on getting my palm read, don’t get me wrong this is not something I subscribe to merely a little bit of fun, anyway it was fascinating! She did not ask me anything about myself just started right in on what she foresaw in my future. Afterwards I began to wander, having heard what she had to say, does this then affect the decisions that I will make? It is as though physiologically I have now been pre-advised of my decision and, so as not to tempt fate, I have to choose what I have been advised to choose! Does that make sense? Because you have been told X is the way forward you are now fearsome to choose Y.

This weekend I am planning a little get together in the park, it is almost an annual event in aid of my birthday, only this year it is slightly late. Oh Well! Usually I excel at organising and arranging these events but recently I seem to have lost momentum. I am not sure if it is a sign of getting older or just a sign of getting complacent. Whatever, I plan to rectify the situation with a series of busy activities.

I recently found out that Americo (poor, sheltered man that he is) has never seen, or indeed heard, of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. So, in the interests of cultural diversification, I feel it is my duty to take him off to the ‘Sing-A-Long’ version - where best dressed wins a prize. I am in two minds on whether to warn him of the wonders that await, or, just throw him into a pair of gold hotpants, a la Rocky Horror, and head out for the night. For those of you who are Rocky virgins (surely there cannot be many?) I highly recommend this as an evening’s entertainment! Although be advised it is not for the feint hearted or the morally motivated.

Speaking of motivation, The Girls – Pearl, Tanya and myself went to our first night of all Women’s Volley Ball on Tuesday, funded by our very generous Government.. Oh Me, Oh MY… the PAIN! Personally I just do not believe in the mantra “No Pain, No gain”, seriously - who comes up with this nonsense? Generally I avoid all forms of excercise holding firm to my belief that when I feel energetic - I lie on the sofa and wait for the feeling to pass!

I can honestly say I was cursing my stupidity at being SO vigorous as I crawled up the stairs and heaved myself into bed. Luckily I survived to tell the tale! And am still so thoroughly enamoured with volley ball that I will be back there next week.

Until then!

THANKFULLY IT IS OVER..

Right, I am back! This week has continued in the same vein it began - me ‘making friends’ with various people on a daily basis. Obviously my problems all started on Sunday, with the whole in-law v table issue, only to find that that incident was merely the tip of my irritation iceberg….

On Monday evening I managed to fight my way to a seat on the very full, very stuffy tube (underground train). I had just pulled out my trashy novel when I looked up to find a very pregnant lady standing in front of me. I tried to persuade my conscience to ignore this information but the little cherub sitting on my shoulder had other intentions.

I looked up at the lady, smiled, and said “excuse me, would you like a seat”. She in return looked at me with a bemused expression on her face and said.. “Why?”

I barely managed to hold the words that were desperate to spill forth – aren’t you pregnant????? and mumbled something abstract. Would you believe this has happened to me about 3 times? I am sorry ladies but no longer shall I be going through this embarrassment. Unless I see someone with a sign saying BABY ON BOARD, I shall be ignoring all other indicators, clearly my radar is on the blink!

As you have probably realised the last week or so I have been somewhat distracted. I recently took on a new project, our quarterly Newsletter which is due imminently, hence my neglect of Americo & Me. It has been a really wonderful challenge and I have enjoyed it immensely. As the project has been handed to me in its entirety I arrange what subjects/articles are going to be included, layout, formatting, spelling, grammar etc, etc, etc.

Sounds like a piece of cake? I then received the articles. It took all my creative skill to re-write them in line with our brand ethos, have I mentioned that I work in a Wealth Management Firm? No? Now do you fully appreciate the commitment? You can only get so excited about a pension.

However, no good deed goes unpunished and this was no exception. The downside to my above elation is that for the last two days I have had to work with The Australian. A more uncouth man you could not hope to come across, an in depth description can be found here. Due to the fact that my Mac skills are non existent (having never worked on one) I had to surrender to his superior knowledge and skill. Luckily most of the work was completed on day one, sadly on day two our ‘Man’ waltzed into work with a slight headache from a little too much over indulgence the night before.

Foolishly he then proceed to bait me with various changes I needed made to the Newsletter that, by the way, will be sent to our very high profile Members. Needless to say it was an imprudent battle to pick. ‘Handle with Care’ was a saying coined for me.

FRIDAY!

Good news – the Windy One is to be moved as of next week; and not a moment too soon I might add! In the last fortnight things have gotten to a frustrating level where I find myself debating the sense of making it into the office.

Unfortunately now that I am a committed married lady I cannot be quite as flighty as I once was. Where as before if I found myself “surrounded by idiots” (in the words of Scar from the Lion King), I would simply smile smugly, safe in the knowledge that I could walk whenever I had had enough. Unfortunately now that I have a mortgage I have to be slightly more circumspect although Americo does, on occasion, have to remind me of this. It is true, I don’t have much of a work ethic but in a perverse way this actually makes me a better worker.

It would take an age to explain the twisted logic of my comment but it goes something like this… As I am never particularly desperate to be in a job, my work is always of the best standard for the simple fact that I have CHOSEN to work here! Simple, really.

This weekend is about to be the start of a (hopefully) glorious summer. We are celebrating this beginning, with much hard work… Americo has been harassing me to keep a weekend free to attend to the garden. So tomorrow is fully dedicated to cleaning, scrubbing, pulling and generally getting grubby! I am trying to contain my enthusiasm but finding it a bit of a struggle…

ANOTHER DAY..

.... Another irritation! Last week (Friday) as I sat at my desk a pungent aroma assaulted my nostrils. Perhaps pungent is a slight exaggeration however it was a smell more commonly associated with bathrooms than boardrooms. I glanced up hoping to find the guilty party looking suitably bashful. No such luck. Anyhow, it happened again on Friday afternoon.

Then yesterday, this odour once more came to my attention. I am sorry, but is there really any need to alleviate gas in the vicinity of your colleagues.. I thought not. I have my suspicions as to who the offender may be, namely the dodgy Australian who sits across from me burping (and presumably farting) his way through the day.

Today was one burp to many from ‘the all burping and farting one’, with me requesting that either he get house trained or move elsewhere! Hopefully the public shaming will end this all to comfortable behaviour!

This weekend was fairly quiet for Americo and I – lulling us into a false sense of security as the coming weekend is going to be manic in the extreme. On Saturday Americo woke up trying to con me into making him coffee. As I drink neither coffee nor tea his chances are always slim to begin with. Anyhow his attempt is well worth a mention…

As I woke up before Americo I quietly got out of bed and went to hit the shower, however the minute he felt me shift one beady little eye popped open and he said,

“Zanna, last night I had a dream”. As Americo very seldom remembers these I was interested. “What was it about?”
“Well, I dreamt that God spoke to me” he continued to explain. “God told me that you are going to make me a cup of coffee!” I turn and look at Americo, who is grinning back at me like the proverbial cat that got the cream.
“Indeed?” I reply - “Did God happen to mention that your cup of coffee will only be making an appearance once I have had a shower?”
Somewhat crestfallen he looks at me
“He guessed you would say something like that!”

THE WILD SIDE CALLS...

Last night we fell asleep to the gentle pitter patter of rain. It got me thinking about my appreciation of turbulent weather, even though the conditions were anything but! There is something about howling wind and driving rain that calls to my feral side.

Let me explain, in Africa I loved watching thunderstorms. The day starts out as any other except there is a heaviness in the atmosphere, a smell of ozone in the air. It might be hours before the rain comes but you can feel the electricity, a taste of expectancy. Slowly the clouds gather, turning the sky a bruised colour - night has come early. The clouds go black, full of water, eager for release.. But not yet. There is a loud rumble in the distance as the thunder growls across the land, like so many tables being dragged and pots broken. Silence! A flash, splitting the sky in half, a delay, then an almighty BOOM as the sound of lightening catches up to you. Chaos reigns above but still not a drop has been spilt. The roar of thunder and lightening grows, ever closer, until it feels as though the sky will plummet to the ground.

At last relief comes with that first droplet of water, the beginning of a deluge. There is nothing gentle about this storm, after all the advertising it does not disappoint, the rain pours forth. The water is forceful, impatient to reach earth. If you step outside now you will feel the power as drops zing against your skin. This is my time, having waited so long, this is the time I go out to welcome the rain. Then it is over as though it never was.

Ahh, an African Thunderstorm, so awesome that words cannot capture its essence!

Here we do not get the driving rain that rushes over Savannah lands into the mountains but I have an alternative. The Wind, an untamed force, in a submissive land. Come winter the arctic blows its icy fingers across the UK. On these days I lift my face to greet it, raising my arms wide. The wind rushes forward in answer pulling my hair and clawing at my coat. I struggle to explain this wildness that runs through me. It is an eccentric, but significant part of my being. Like the storm or the wind, something unreachable, wild and free..

Now don’t get me wrong. As much as I love to dance under the pouring rain in Africa the chances of me doing so here are fairly slim! Drizzly weather does not appeal to me in the same fashion!

I HAD A DREAM..

Last night I dreamt we were living in a haunted house. It was very graphic, with that feeling of dread as the walls started to shake and I watched in horror when the roof began to collapse in on us with a huge roar. I awoke with a cold sensation that only dreams can induce.....

....... to find Americo snoring loudly in my ear! This was a very frustrating moment for me, where usually I would kick him until he shut up, my silencing leg is currently out of commission, so I gently (or not as the case may be) nudged Americo into wakefulness with my shoulder.

Actually we seem to have had a slight shift in sleeping habits which I am not very happy with. Historically I was the first to fall asleep in the belief that Americo remained awake to guard me in repose. Recently this has not been the case! In fact, this week he has actually fallen asleep BEFORE me??? Not really a good thing for him, as I am a nervous night time person and keep asking 'What was that?' - thereby waking him constantly until I do eventually drifts off to nod. I have said it before and I shall say it again .. isn’t he a lucky man?

We have now finalised our trip to the States – well, what else was I to do whilst recuperating? Instead of focusing our efforts only on Orlando we have decided to do a road trip round Florida. Our starting point will be in Tampa where we land, 3 days in Orlando to visit two of the theme parks, onwards to Miami. From Miami we will then return to Tampa via the Everglades and up the west coast. I cannot wait.. now to find that perfect bikini!

Wish me luck this evening as my friend Liz is coming round for dinner and scrabble - hopefully, my planning has been a bit slack this time. Last time she thoroughly thrashed me so tonight is all about saving face.

TUESDAY!

I am slowly but surely recovering from my varicose vein operation but must mention that it is not the most pleasant of experiences. As well as the beautiful bruising, I have a 4-5cm cut in my groin that totally grosses me out every time I look at it! I did think about taking photo’s and posting them for a keepsake but really it is too revolting… The other cuts are inconsequential as they don’t give me any pain and will be all gone in a jiffy.

Before this operation I was a huge advocate of “plastic fantastic.. baby”! In that when/if Americo and I ever have children every part of my body would be returned to pre-child proportions. Now, however, I feel that plastic surgery really should be the last option. That is not to say that I have gone all extremist in the other direction - I still want the right to choose! It is just that I now remember how painful it is to go under the knife.

So to this end I have a shocking announcement… I am going to start being healthier. I have no expectations that this will last long as I get bored easily and generally lack dedication. However in order to keep the bulge at bay I feel that something really must be done. SO! Once all the holes are sealed I shall be joining a swimming pool and taking up where I left off MANY years ago. Any helpful hints would be appreciated..

Yesterday I spoke to my Aunt Mary who told me that someone from our French side of the family (on my mother’s side) have written a little book about our history/family tree. How exciting! Unfortunately it is all in French so will need to be translated but I am eager to get a copy with family stories dating back to 1066! I will keep you posted.

IT'S PINK!

The other night Americo did a load of washing. As a red pair of fisherman trousers we got in Thailand would be included I reiterated that no whites, whatsoever, should be involved… You can see the impending doom.. I transferred everything from washer to tumble dryer and guess what I found? Americo’s once very manly football socks were now a lovely shade of salmon, along with his ankle guard and some other choice items. I have to admit to a little chuckle of amusement seeing my husband rushing about trying to get his gear together with pink ankle guard on one foot and a jaundiced expression directed at the socks.

I have not always been the ‘demi-domestic goddess’ you see before you. In fact when I came to the UK my kitchen skills consisted of nuking a potato in the microwave and not much more. I remember one boyfriend’s mother saying ‘She is lovely darling.. but I don’t think she can cook!’

My second home in London was a houseshare on Fladgate Road. I was living with a group of friends from Zimbabwe along with my brother and his wife. Being so far from home we were more a family unit than a typical shared house. Everyone had a duties partner and each ‘couple’ had their chance of cooking a proper meal once a week. However, as I could not cook my partner would only allow me to watch and clean. The one day, seeing me wielding a knife, he removed the danger from my hands and asked me to please sit out of harms way.

To return the kindness I offered to iron his shirt whilst he cooked dinner. All I can say is it seemed like a good idea at the time. It started off so well, that is until about half way through when the iron got a little sticky and I lifted it to find a newly inserted hole. After this episode not only was I banned from the kitchen but my washing duties were limited to putting the washing machine on where upon magical little Fairies would descend, transfer them to the tumble dryer and onwards to my bedroom all neatly folded! Oh how I miss those days!!

This weekend is a busy one for us, we have my cousin’s 40th birthday party which is themed fancy dress. Americo has been inspired, suggesting he will be going as .. himself! Hmmmm. I on the other hand intend to make just a little bit more of an effort within what we have at home. Do you think I could put my wedding dress back on and go as Julia Roberts in The Run Away Bride? No? I didn’t really think so either. Undoubtedly something will spring to mind between now and tomorrow.

Sunday we are walking with friends round Henley on Thames with a little picnic at some halfway point – lets hope the weather stays as beautiful as it is today. Finally, as Monday is a bank holiday, we are off to the park for volley ball. After much beating of chests last weekend we have a tournament of some description going ahead. My money is on Americo and Bob, mostly because the are brutal and hate to loose!

Tuesday is my op so I will probably be out of commission and off the blog until the following Monday.. Until then!

HOSPITALS..

Things have been busy this week as I am out of the office next week having an operation on my leg. Thankfully it is nothing serious but I will be laid up for the week with my right leg in the air. I am really not sure what to expect and after initially putting a brave face on things have since relented and asked Americo to come and hold my hand!

Hospitals and I do not go well together. I have a mild phobia of needles that began with one to many jabs when I was younger. The last time I had one of these I was about 11 and it was the last ‘shot’ of a long series of rabies jabs.

I remember the day clearly it was the last Sunday of school holidays and I was due back at boarding school on Monday. There had been much discussion throughout the day about the best way to proceed. I was arguing the side of “let’s not have it done” (I think dad was almost convinced .. aware of the impending pandemonium) however mom remained resolute. I must mention that, although mom was stoic, she was also dreading taking me to get it done.

Dad, having previous physiological scarring from one of these trips refused to be involved. And so it was that Julian, my big brother, was roped into joining us - all the time questioning why anyone would need to be on hand for his little scrap of a sister? The reason was soon revelled….

We drove the 30km’s into town with a growing sense of trepidation filling the car. Eventually we arrived at the hospital, my little bottom puckering at the thought of being turned into a human pin cushion.

Out came a friendly doctor commenting on my bravery, then he did a fatal thing.. he showed me the injection. I took one look at it, grabbed the car keys out of mom’s hand and ran, locking myself in the car. After much persuasion from my mom I reluctantly unlocked the car and followed them back into the ward. Honestly I truly did have good intentions of behaving myself, but when he came in for the second go I could contain myself no longer. However all the staff, having witness my previous bid for freedom, were on hand to head me off.

There was no escape; I did though manage to create quite a stir screaming down the corridors with a trail of nurses and orderlies in my wake. Inevitably I was cornered and after such a run around restrained by Mom, Julian and 6 orderlies. I am not sure Julian ever fully recovered from the swift conversion of blue eyed angel to fiend. I also understand that my reputation holds firm at that little hospital in Mutare.

Now before you start a major outpouring of sympathy for Americo, let me just say that I have improved. I now provide the ‘needle bearer’ with a set of handy guidelines i.e. ABSOLUTELY no opening the needle packet in front of me, definitely no showing of the needle and suitable distraction is a necessity at the time of injecting. Americo is looking forward with, with great anticipation, to Tuesday’s activities!

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN...

That is right folks Americo and I are into the final countdown before we hit the airport and fly out of here. What a last few days… Our weekend was hectic with me suffering from bad moods and the flu.. which really assisted said bad mood. Americo thought I was a delight and is eagerly looking forward to the next time I am ill…….

The DS side of the family came to us for lunch on Sunday which was wonderful, for us – I am not so sure about them. No sooner had we finished eating than Americo roped his brother, Mario, into ‘assisting’ with the fixing of all odd jobs around the house. Refitting skirting boards, waterproofing the showers etc, etc. At the end of it he (Americo) looked at Mario with a beatific smile on his face and said, ‘next time you should come for the weekend’. Chances are slim - especially when Americo suggested sending out a ‘to do’ list in advance! He is nothing if not an optimist.

I am not sure if I have said this before but I love shoes. Beautiful shoes are my downfall, however I have been very good and abstained from all shoe shopping compulsions. That is until I saw the most striking pair of red heels begging to be adored. And so, I rushed home to my best of husbands and BEGGED! Explaining how forlorn they looked in the shop window and, as I am the most deserving of wives, they should come home to me. After much deliberation and discussion it was agreed that they were to be mine - I cannot lie, Americo discussed, I utilised coercion and blackmail! Well what is a girl to do?

Anyway on Monday, after dashing home to meet the dishwasher repairman.. who arrived an hour before schedule, leading to huge irritation as I missed him. I thought it was the perfect time to go and collect my heart’s desire. Oh they are lovely and would you believe the last pair in my size – it was meant to be.

I was so enamoured that I wore them into work on Tuesday. Sadly the pretty red shoes did not feel the same way about my feet as I felt about them. After my charitable deed of bringing them home they made a vicious and completely unprovoked attack on my feet! I think in future they will be worn with care, to a bar where not much standing or walking is required!!

On that note I am off to SA, I will try to write if I get a chance between body surfing and sunning myself. If not, a wonderful Easter to all and I shall update you on our adventures upon my return.

THIS AND THAT

We have, at last come to the dregs of our deep freezer, having consumed many, many K.G’s of meat over the past 8 months. At the moment our frozen treasure trove holds exactly.. one packet of ice and a roast pork! I think this is the first time our ‘cupboard’ has been so bare but we are trying not to do a major shop until our return from South Africa. How we are going to achieve this I am not quite sure. As it is I have had to be very creative with my cooking – much to Americo’s satisfaction! On Monday night I made improvised cottage pie with bacon, mushrooms, peppers, beans and mince. Americo loved it so much he almost single handedly at the entire thing.

This week I have not been feeling very well and therefore a little bit grumpy. I hate being sick, it frustrates me that my brain works through a foggy haze making the simplest task feel like a huge chore. I am sure everyone feels the same but that doesn’t make what I am feeling any bloody better!!!!

As I have mentioned we are off to South Africa in two weeks for my cousin’s wedding and a wonderful 10 days in the sun. I am sure all the ladies will understand when I say “I simply have NOTHING to wear” and so, Americo, taking pity on his woe begotten wife, gave me a budget to spend on a dress. I am glad to say that I have now blown all my cash on a beautiful outfit with shoes (only going over my allowance by £25)!! This is a considerable achievement as both dress and shoes are beautiful and I will get great enjoyment from wearing them often.

Unfortunately that is all for today as my brain is going into neutral and the mist is slowly descending making all communication nigh on impossible.