ALL CHANGE

Four days to go until I am officially unemployed. Phew! How nerve-wracking. I didn’t think I would be feeling quite as sentimental about leaving, when I resigned two months ago, as I do now. The X has been where all my proper, grown up experiences have occurred. This was my first ever permanent job. Whilst I have been working here Americo and I bought our first home, we got engaged and married. All this kindly funded (on my side) by my salary at The X. This job has been the first where I have had a constant, monthly income – I didn’t realise how much I took it for granted. There is nothing quite so satisfying as knowing that next month your bank account will, miraculously, be replenished!

Anyway, I have already jumped so, here’s to a thrilling ride, not to many bumps and a great adventure! Now I am shamelessly going to say that should any of you find yourselves in need of a virtual assistant, for a small fee, I am available at www.theprivatesecretary.co.uk.

In other news, life is very quiet these days with Americo eager beavering about with his MBA. In his words – one month down…….. 23 to go. Comforting thought is it not? However, we did manage to take yesterday off and enjoy the sunshine. On a whim we decided to go to Richmond park, leaving our car at Trevor’s house (in East Sheen.. though he will swear it is Richmond), from there to walk and find a spot in the park.

As we were leaving our car at Trev’s it was only polite to knock on the door and say a friendly hello. To be honest neither of us thought he would be up, after it was only 12pm. [Trevor takes sleeping to Olympic levels.] On this day however, we were in luck, they were up and active we had a quick catch up, outlining our plans for the day. As theirs were along similar lines they came to join us in the park.

What a blissful afternoon.

We lazed about eating, talking nonsense, playing cards – honestly, does life get more perfect? Good friends, great weather and food!

After a slumberous afternoon we played a little Frisbee. Sadly our chosen patch of park was not particularly geared up to running and catching; what with holes, rocks and deer turd (sh*te) littering the space making it all quite hazardous – and that is not even mentioning my lack of hand eye co-ordination, or my windmill running technique.

Americo on the other hand bounced about like an over grown Labrador, catching every Frisbee thrown his way, I eventually sat out just to watch him in action!

Studious Much?

Americo has started his long awaited (and much discussed) MBA. The MBA he decided on is ‘part time’, which means he has to study like a trooper between courses, then goes to an intensive, week long set of classes. These sessions are every few months and between time all students need to keep up their momentum. It is advised that 15 hours of study time are required, per week, in order to meet the MBA programme targets (never mind your actual work??). All I can say is, better him than me, I am more than happy to be the background person, ensuring he eats, sleeps and has clean clothes!

We are slowly getting ourselves into a routine; Americo is up at 5am every morning to hit the books for 3 hours or so before work. To assist with this EARLY start I prepare a thermos of coffee before bed so he has his caffeine hit, almost without opening his eyes! Saturday’s are also reserved for studying, whilst I diligently do the household chores and iron his shirts (a role I have always steered clear of) however in light of the rigorous study requirements anything to give us a little extra time.

Saturday nights and Sundays are our days of rest and relaxation, in preparation for the whole thing to start over again.

As part of the MBA everyone is encouraged to ‘work together’, so Americo has arranged a little study group and they get together at the house every second Saturday. It is all quite exciting and, aside from that shocking wake up I think Americo is feeling quite inspired by the whole thing.

And, I hear you ask, aside from playing Betty Home Maker, what am I up to? Oh, all kinds of intriguing things!

I have handed in my notice at my current place of employment and am looking to start my own little business offering Virtual Assistance to small companies and individuals who find themselves time strapped. We shall see how it pans out but, being ever the optimist, I am hopeful! Either way it is all very exciting and I am learning lots along the way. Plus, I have the added benefit of feeling happier than I have in ages.

The only fly in my ointment is the green stuff! Isn’t that always the case? Money, cash, hard – cold currently, whatever you want to call it, it really does make the world go round. And trust me, I kind of like the way my world spins!! So I shall be pulling out all the stops to ensure not much changes.

I shall keep you updated. Happy Monday.

AN HONEST JOB DESCRIPTION?

We are looking for a new professional at our office and I briefly assisted with wording the Job Description that is about to be published. Thing is, JD’s, like CV’s are an interesting blend of fact and fiction! The facts are obvious, you will be required to do X, Y and Z. The possible fiction is in the description….

Our charming, charismatic CEO is looking for XXXX to join our flourishing team. The role will be challenging with a diverse work load. Yadda, Yadda – I am sure you’ve all seen this before. Once you read a few JD’s you begin to sift through the make believe, for instance, the minute a person’s characteristics are over exaggerated you immediately apply the “opposite theory” – charming and charismatic begins to resemble awful taskmaster with an axe to grind.

Now it is not that every person with a promising character reference will turn out to be a tyrant, it is just more likely! After all.. you have been for the interviews.

Truth be told I am possibly a little jaded as my ‘charming and charismatic’ director is currently driving me up the pole! The worst part is – he is not actually doing anything particularly note worthy (today) to achieve this.

When I first got my job here (almost 5 years ago) I was over awed. My first permanent position. I accepted the role in a cold sweat with heart pounding, not from excitement you understand but fear! I was terrified of taking on a permanent position, for years I had flitted from one job to another leaving when I got bored or people irritated me. Now – well, now I had committed myself to being patient, loyal, a proper member of a team….permanent. Trust me, the only time I wanted to have any of these feelings was the day I got married. Going permanent was a bit too much like a life commitment for me.

However, Americo and I were looking to buy our first house and I suppose there really does come a time when you have to grow up.

So I started at the XXXX, it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I actually had to work! No more endlessly surfing the internet, chatting on the phone and generally chilling out. Nope – I had (wait for it) – RESPONSIBILITIES! Ugh.

Two weeks in I was ready to walk out, Mr B got right up my nose, however Americo talked me round and persuaded me to stick it out for at least 3 months. Eventually Mr B and I fell into a rapport; surprisingly we actually worked quite well. He attempted to be a pain in the ar*e and I steadfastly refused to deal with any of that nonsense … safe in the knowledge that whenever I got bored of playing work, I could walk out!

Anyway, after being here for some considerable time I have noticed certain traits. There are few people in our office who appreciate Mr B. he tends to operate in self destruct mode. Colleagues see him coming and shrink into the shadows (metephorically speaking). Which leads us back to the Job Description where a colleague and I were chuckling about the things you would not put in..

We guarantee that this role will be a challenge, the biggest of which will be to control the desperate urge to fling yourself out a window. Drugs are a necessity, either recreational or prescriptive - you WILL need a crutch. We promise to corrode all self confidence. You will begin to see this torment as a normal cycle of life, like a beaten dog you will spend your days cowering in the corner waiting for the next kick to come. At night you will curl in to a ball gently rocking yourself to sleep and wondering ... what you did to deserve this?

WHAT A DAY

I have been struggling to get out of bed the last few days, when the alarm goes off the room is still murky with a slight nip in the air, whilst my bed is toasty warm with Americo in it.

Yesterday my alarm buzzed into action and I pressed snooze, once, twice… after that I must have lost consciousness. When I resurfaced, I woke with a feeling of contentment, safe and happy and - WHAT - five minutes before I had to leave the house!

I leapt out of bed, raced to the bathroom, frantically brushing my teeth whilst scouring the cupboard for something to wear. Obviously not something in need of an iron.

Americo meanwhile briefly raised his head to see what all the fuss was about, before pulling the duvet more securely under his chin and mumbling “mm, late too”. Clearly not!

I (just) managed to get my self dressed, dashing out the house in record time, with a vague resemblance to Cruella DeVille - minus the fur.

LATE! But not late enough not to grab a mocha chilla (my new addiction) from the coffee shop.

By now I was seriously late; rushing to the office whilst attempting to juggle my mocha chilla, umbrella and handbag – when my phone rang. It was an employment friend of mine who I wanted to ask a favour of, so I couldn’t exactly rush things.

Eventually I made it into the office only to see that everyone was in the boardroom. Bollocks! Forgot all about the 9 o’clock meeting. Who in their right mind books a meeting for 9am?? Clearly ridiculous morning people! Or the Australian…..

After all the excitement of the morning my day settled into an impression of normality. I say impression as things are not really normal – for instance, I don’t usually have my resume floating about the ether in the hopes of snagging some fabulous job … elsewhere. Anyhow, we do what we need to do, hmm?

By the time 5.30pm rolled by the day had disintegrated, weather wise, with pouring rain and huge puddles. St Pauls, the tube station, was flooded with people, everyone being a little more cautious as umbrellas dripped, creating a slick mess on the floor.

To say I was thankful to be going home would be an understatement. I was thrilled to be almost home; moments from the door I was already creating a list of priorities - out of the rain, out of sopping trousers, into nice hot bath ……….. cigarette.

Propping my umbrella up against the wall I scratched about in my bag for the keys. Hmm? More scrabbling – nothing.

In desperation I emptied the bag onto the front step then sat down next to the upended contents, rolled a cigarette and thought “sod it; I’ve left my keys in the house!”

CHANGES

I cannot tell you how many times I have sat down to write this blog before something interrupts! No more I say… there will be a post today!

The thing is there are just so many changes in the air… sounds intriguing – doesn’t it?

This week has brought with it the start of Autumn – after an unseasonably pleasant two weeks it has all come as a bit of a shock to the system. The mornings are grey and dreary with a slight bite in the air and the trees are beginning to loose their summer foliage. In fact it seems to me that autumn is the perfect time of year to make decisions as the land is shrouded in change.

My first change is that I am looking for a new job. I am sure you have all noticed that recently I have been feeling a little disgruntled with my work life. Admittedly most of it is minor irritations that everyone has, but there has been a rather off putting undertone running about the office. So, I have updated my C.V. and sent it out into the big bad world of employment.

Today I called my first agency, this is the part I hate! Employment agents are like the guard at the gate, you don’t have a snowball’s chance in … if the person who you speak to doesn’t like you. I believe more practice is required as I feel incredibly guilty that I am putting a toe in the market.

I will have to keep you updated on my progress with this – that is if I don’t get bored of looking before I find something. Honestly – it is a possibility!

My other change is that I am (seriously) starting to do exercise. I know that I am usually all talk and no action in this department however bikini buying shed a WHOLE new light on things! So my mantra for the next few weeks it – I must be good, I must be good.

Tonight is my second session of home gyming – I am looking forward to it*.

* if you believe that, you really will believe anything.

PHEW!

At last I am back to blogging action. But, my friends – what a week or so it has been! As I mentioned last time I recently took over the creation of our company quarterly Newsletter.

The process works that I get very technical, financial articles in. I then read them and create, from the initial submission, something that is (hopefully!) understandable as well as enjoyable to the non financial reading public. Once these have been reviewed and edited - many, many times, I then look at the graphics i.e. company colours/pictures. It is all quite mentally taxing but incredibly satisfying.

Now to catch you up. We have a friend living with us at the moment, for how long I am unsure. Anyway, on the weekend of our ‘proper’ anniversary (the church day) off she flew to South Africa. Americo and I were looking forward to having the weekend to ourselves and celebrating our first year of marital bliss. Only it was not to be! A less devoted couple you could not have hoped to find. By the Saturday afternoon we were looking forward to Monday with eager anticipation! And what, I hear you ask was this all about…….. NOTHING! Yip, absolutely nothing. We were perfectly horrendous to each other for over 24 hours about embarrassingly, ridiculous subjects.

Thankfully peace was reinstalled albeit rather late on Sunday.

This brings us up to last week which went by in a blur of Newsletter articles, pictures and various work pressures.

Friday.. really it is probably better left unsaid – two words Yager Bomb… and lots of them.

Saturday.. more of the same!

Sunday passed in a haze of regrets regarding alcohol consumption and the aching head of retribution!

So, now that you are all up to speed regular posts shall resume, hopefully tomorrow.

BACK NEXT WEEK

I am sorry for my silence - it is quarterly newsletter time again and I have to admit that any creative energy I may have is currently focused elsewhere!

To catch you all up the meeting I threatened last week with MR.B regarding his father did take place with the expected outcome. Going forward Mr.B (snr) will take care of all his own travel arrangements.

Briefly, this last weekend I was a regular Betty Homemaker.. in the kitchen creating all kinds of delicacies. Our house once again resembled a hostle with bodies scattered all over the place on Sunday morning, almost out numbering the ACTUAL inhabitants!

See you when my mind returns..

ONE WHOLE YEAR

Can you believe that today is our 1 year anniversary? No doubt this has been the catalyst of my recent sappiness towards Americo!

Unfortunately the focus of my love and good wishes is not with me today having had to head off for a business training course for two days. However he did call (BRIGHT AND EARLY) to say happy anniversary. Luckily for him we have two wedding anniversaries, 1 for the registry office wedding and 1 for the big white wedding we had, which is due next weekend. In reality this is the one we will ‘properly’ celebrate.

Actually, I mustn’t forget to remind Americo of what a lucky chap he is.. I married him twice!

Anyway, my recent mood of love and good will to all mankind has been blown to smithereens today. I was feeling all loved up after my early morning call but then………………… People happened. I had a slight altercation with my boss regarding his father.

Admittedly I am an Executive Assistant, with a difference. I have the glorified title of Business Manager but in reality I am more of a resistant assistant. I don’t really ‘do’ personal things and usually if these are requested they are more in the asking of a favour than instruction. Just the way I like it, I work for a pay cheque - my life is not my job and my job is most certainly not my life. Anyway, my boss and I have a certain understanding, I don’t do tea, coffee, dry cleaning or any of the other trivial things people cannot be bothered to do for themselves – I was hired for a job. I do, on occasion however assist with booking holidays, more as a sympathy gig than anything else, as he is technologically challenged.

Now, as I have done a fair amount of travelling I am quite adept at arranging flights, looking for the best deals and, in times of desperation, have a travel agent I am on friendly terms with. My boss will only use these particular skills when the details prove too complex i.e. flights for 10, hotels in foreign countries internal and connecting carriers etc.

His father however seems to believe that I am here, purely, to attend to his personal travel requirements. Calling up and expecting me to drop everything (my actual PAYING job) to cater to his needs….

A few months ago, I freely admit, I did a fairly major F.up. I was rushed, paperwork had to be collected and dropped off on timescales and who should call. You guessed it. My mind was in a million places and I accidentally booked his flight out of one London airport, returning into another. None of us realised the mistake .. until he went to catch the returning flight. To say I was popular would be an understatement, I apologised – profusely. In truth I seldom make errors of this kind, unfortunately though, they do happen.

Now logic would dictate that due to his lack of faith he would find an alternative person? So far this has not proved to be the case, if anything these calls to arrange hotels, flights blah, blah, blah have been more frequent. Often with me spending HOURS searching hotels, sending him quotes booking everything, only to then have him decide not to go ahead. I probably wouldn’t mind but I just don’t deal very well with certain things, one of them was a snide comment suggesting that “had I worked for him I would have been fired”. All very good and well, how about following up that statement by harassing someone else??

So today, amazingly he had booked his own flight into London, but then decided that he wanted to catch the earlier connection out. Ordinarily not a problem, sadly though when you purchase cheap tickets and then reschedule they are seldom as cost efficient as initially anticipated. I call, get the quote and call back advising of the, now exorbitant, price. All this via My Lord & Master. (I think we should start referring to him as something, else like MR.B, I am not really a lord & master kinda girl!!).

I then hear his father (MR.B snr?), mumbling some derogatory statement along the lines of “this isn’t going to be like that other flight she cocked up”. All civility flew out the window. I believe my words were..

“Indeed, if that is how your father feels please advise him to arrange his own flights.” To be honest that wasn’t all I said.. I am not known to be retiring with my opinions. In fact reading this sentence back it actually sounds quite friendly. To clear up. It was not, to get the right intonation add a heavy dose of sarcasm.

“oh, no, no – that isn’t what he meant at all.. it was just a joke.” Was my boss's reply

I think you shall find we will now all be laughing as tomorrow I intend to have a little discussion regarding this….

WHAT IS THE HEIGHT OF LAZINESS??

By hippieprincess74

This morning, as I was rushing about the house attempting to get myself out the door on time, I had a major dilemma, do I wear flip flops or trainers into the office. With a glance outside my verdict is quickly determined. Grey skies = trainers!

Having chosen my trainers whilst downstairs, I realise that I am not very well prepared for the realities of my decision - No Socks. I give the staircase a resentful glare, LATE, no time to be running up two flights of stairs to grab a pair of socks. (I know, there is always time but.. lazy!) I take a moment to regroup, is there any washing in the tumble dryer? Nope, because yours truly has been the embodiment of housewifely virtue and everything is neatly packed away a la Stepford Wives.

GRRRR – seriously, no good deed goes unpunished!

At this stage I am contemplating the thought of risking wet toes in flip flops versus rushing upstairs for that pair of socks. In desperation I give the room another cursory flicker, AH HA, do mine eyes deceive me? Lo and behold what is that upon the dining room table? Could it be.. yes I believe it is.. TWO socks! Eureka!

Upon closer inspection this is not really such a great find, one sock is Americo’s (size 10 men’s) and the other is mine (size 5 ladies). Without hesitation I yank my mismatched socks onto my feet, pull on my trainers and..

Decide to start rearranging my handbag. Yes it’s true, my mind is a special place early on a Monday morning!

However, did I stop at rearranging my handbag? NO, then I decided to organise lunch for my favourite of husbands. Okay, organise is a slight exaggeration, more like grab the items, soup, chocolate cake (both special treats from Storme!) two banana’s and an apple. Put them all in a bag, write a note saying something suitably sappy, look at the time and RUN for the door.

ALL WORK & NO PLAY...

… Makes Americo a dull boy!

I am beginning to wonder if having a husband is all a figment of my imagination. I seem to recollect getting hitched and standing up in front of the priest. I definitely remember huge amounts of money leaving the account and a big, drunken celebration. But final confirmation has come in the form of documentation substantiating the fact, I am indeed married, and this elusive character goes by the name of …. Americo. The thing is, at the moment he is working such long hours I barely remember what he looks like, I can however report that his secretary is great and we are considering meeting for lunch!!

My Dearest is under so much pressure at the moment he has virtually moved into the office and I am beginning to feel a little like the concierge at a hotel, “Sir your dinner is on the table and fresh underwear in the top draw – no messages except PS. I LOVE YOU”. A good night’s sleep has become a thing of the past and the brief moments I have with my husband are the most precious minutes of my day.

Fear not though, we have held a family Board Meeting and I am lead to believe that the current situation should improve with (HOPEFULLY) immediate effect. All Board Members of HTDS LTD understanding their various roles and responsibilities!!! ;)

In other news I have come to realise that my current relationship with nicotine will be coming to an end. It is with a heavy heart that I admit to this sad loss of faith in a dear companion. Ours has been a long and, dare I say it, enjoyable liaison but, as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. So I have set myself a goal to become one of the many quitters …. when we decide to have children! I am viewing this decision in the column of ‘long term goals’. I will, of course, keep you posted on my progress – so far there is nothing to report.

I am sorry, I know that smoking is bad and truly I do not mean to trivialise it however, can a non smoker really understand the total enjoyment you get from having a puff? The sense of being, just a little bit naughty! For me it has become a kind of ritual, a moment in time that is my own. Bad, bad, bad.

Still, the first step to recovery is, I suppose, accepting the inevitable? Any helpful advice welcomed…

TEA.. Anyone?

Today I am having a slight rant, lets face it – it’s been a while! Our topic of the day is TEA… I realise this sounds like a fairly innocuous subject and ergo unable to cause much offence … there my friends you are wrong. The problem is - I do not DO tea. I do not drink it, I do not appreciate it and I detest having to make it. To say I am not a tea person is to trivialise my repugnance.

Unfortunately, on occasion, I have to lower my standards and put the kettle on. I must admit that there are times when I don’t mind (that much). For instance, if I am feeling particularly enchanted with my husband I may offer, or when we have guests for dinner. Then there are the other times… The office times…

I suppose I should back up a little and explain how this revulsion came about.

It all started one bright African morning when I was a little girl of about 5. Our family tradition was that the housekeeper would bring in the tea tray at 6 and the family would all pile into my parents bed for their ‘cuppa’ before we had to get ready for the day. I remember that for some reason I was alone with Mom and Dad - I think Tanya and Julian were at boarding school. Anyway, Mom poured the tea and, in my youthful excitement of the morning, I took a huge gulp. Oh the HORROR! Yuck, yuck, YUCK. The milk was sour and the tea was disgusting. The rest, as they say, is history - I have never drunk tea again and over time it has become at mild phobia.

Back to the office; my aversion to tea is so ubiquitous the mere mention of having this as part of my job description has seen me racing for the door. On occasion however I have been known to be charitable at work. When I meet clients, I manage to dredge up some empathy and produce a cup of tea. I do not however make tea for just anyone, either you are a paying Member of the Wealth Club or you are just another pleb who can get their own damn tea!

Last year due to a rift in the company partnership the business was downsized. It was decided that in order to ‘stream line’ the cash flow redundancies would be made, with one of the casualties being our receptionist. With our new ‘slim line’ staffing arrangements the idea is for everyone to all pull together in ensuring when a Member is due there is someone available for a meet and greet. Unfortunately some pull together more than others and, for the most part, mine is a fairly regular face in reception.

This morning I had barely sat down when the door bell rang, thankfully one of my colleagues jumped to attention and I made to prepare myself for the day ahead. About two seconds later one of the advisors (hmmmm) came and said to me;

“So.. what happens when there is someone in reception, do YOU just go and make tea?” (seriously??)

He should have known better especially since I do not make my dislike of mornings a secret. The first sign should have been it is 9 o’clock, followed swiftly by the realisation that there was no can of coke in sight. However he ignored all the signals and barged on…

With raised I brows I regarded him, eventually answering his request with as much civility as I could muster;

“Do I look like the tea lady?”

It was cold, it was brutal but is he likely to pose such a stupid question to me again?

TELL ME....

… What are the advantages of being a woman? On Saturday I was feeling slightly envious of the male creatures on this earth. It seems to me that the ladies received a very short straw when the ‘divine being’ was handing out favours. In my personal interpretation HE stood, like Santa - a sack full of goodies before him, with all the men and women at his feet. “LO, I have here celestial gifts to bestow upon my chosen ones…”

And so the men all rushed forward and grabbed what they could. The women, having the hindrance of heels, were just not quite fast enough so they got stuck with, PMS, Osteoporosis, hormone imbalance etc - I think you get my general meaning......

I promised to give a full update of our tour around Florida and, so far, have been very slack. The problem is when you go on holiday, then return to work, some evil pixie has looked at your work load and gone “for fun, lets double that”. On top of this your mind is still firmly ensconced in a foreign land so it takes you triple the amount of time to figure out .. What the hell do I do?? Anyway.

As you know our pre holiday rush was somewhat hectic, with me losing my wallet and cancelling all my cards, our Tom Tom breaking down and the new one not having enough memory to download the required maps. All in all it would be fair to say, we were quite stressed the night before departure. It was at this point that I decided to go on packing strike - I was feeling disgruntled that this task always seems to fall on me. After heavy negotiations, terms were agreed and I trundled back upstairs to resume packing responsibilities. (Mostly Americo sulked better than I did!!!)

At last Friday dawned and we were on our way, arriving in Tampa late in the evening. For the purposes of a true road trip we hired a convertible, it sounds like a good idea at the time but after hours of being wind blown I admitted defeat.

From Tampa we went to friends of ours in Orlando for a few days. It was great, we hadn’t seen Tina for years (I won’t mention how many!) but it was as though we had never been separated.

Onwards to Miami, the place of beautiful people and LARGE cocktails. We were referred to Mango’s which had fabulous live entertainment that left both Americo and I silently watching the stage! I feel I should put in here that if you are travelling in the States be sure to ask about the ‘walk in rate’, Americo and I got some wonderful hotel deals on this tip.

The most relaxing part of our holiday though were the few days we spent in Key Largo. We stayed at the Coconut Palm Inn, another referral, and it was two days of absolute bliss.

Then there was the shopping… Americo was in seventh heaven and traipsed me around the malls for HOURS. To be honest I was a little disappointed in the ladies fashions and unhappily report that my shopping excursions were not nearly as successful!

LOST & FOUND

How early is 7am? I mean we all know how EARLY it is but for me to get into work for 7 it requires waking up at 5. That’s right folks, I have been up since the crack of dawn. Obviously I do not make a habit of torturing myself (and others) with this extreme start, however today I had incentive… tomorrow Americo and I head Stateside for our American honeymoon (roadtrip). And, as I am so unorganised, I need the extra time this afternoon to get things sorted. In conclusion, I am getting the hell out of here in approximately 30 minutes. WOOOHOOO bring on Friday!

As you can see today I am feeling pretty cheery, I am letting the general annoyances of office life wash over me, safe in the knowledge that, for two blissful weeks, I do not have to deal with anyone else’s crap. Heaven! Yesterday was sadly a different story.

To begin, The Head Man (my boss) left last week for his holiday. Generally this would be perfect; I should have had a week to catch up on all those little things that get put to one side in the overall rush of timelines and deadlines. Someone out there has a wicked sense of humour though, as, on the day of his departure, we received notice of a major project requiring completion just after my return. I watched in horror as my week of pre-holiday, workload clear up, plummeted, replaced by mad, requiring urgent attention, everything has to be done NOW, stress. Ergo my frustration with those that have the sense of urgency of a sloth. Harsh but fair.
Anyway, this blog is not about them.. it is about ME, and Americo! Before the above came to light I had booked for my hair to be cut, in fact I had booked all kinds of things and have re-jigged my working hours to suit. Off track again! Yesterday I dashed off to get my hair cut, amid more anxious calls from my boss’s father requesting assistance. SERIOUSLY!

After my frenzied rush to get to the appointment it was wonderful to sit back and relax in the hair salon. There I sat for the next 3 luxurious hours getting my tresses chopped and highlighted whilst sipping hot chocolate. Ahh bliss, holiday mode was finally settling in, until…

… I reached into my bag to pay the nice lady and LO! Hapana (no) purse. A number of thoughts rushed through my mind, predominantly Oh Shit! But alongside this was the chorus of my bank cards, my credit card, my driver’s licence, my yellow card for when Americo behaves badly. (I will explain that one later!)

First to deal with the situation at hand, phone the wonderful man I married and he can pay – how fabulous are mobile phones? A cunning plan I am sure you will agree, until I realised that the wretched man was not answering. Luckily Pearl leapt to the rescue providing her card details.

My general motto is don’t panic, these things always have a way of turning up yadda, yadda, yadda. As I made my way home my chest started to feel tight and I began to panic with the realisation that.. We are leaving in 2 days with NO CREDIT CARD. Bollocks! I phoned the bank and cancelled my debit cards, just to be safe, whilst Americo called our credit card company to suspend our account advising them never to marry a blond.

You will all be happy to know that I have since found my wallet. It was playing hide and seek under one of notepads.

The Yellow Card. I will make it quick as this entry is taking on epic proportions. When we were in Thailand our bus ticket turned out to be a little yellow sticker with a smiley face drawn on in black marker. We found this highly amusing and thus the ‘Yellow Card’ came to life. It has since taken on a character of it’s own, being produced whenever Americo harasses me!

And now people I am off on holiday, I shall try to provide updates in between swanning about having a fabulous time and doing nothing.

THANKFULLY IT IS OVER..

Right, I am back! This week has continued in the same vein it began - me ‘making friends’ with various people on a daily basis. Obviously my problems all started on Sunday, with the whole in-law v table issue, only to find that that incident was merely the tip of my irritation iceberg….

On Monday evening I managed to fight my way to a seat on the very full, very stuffy tube (underground train). I had just pulled out my trashy novel when I looked up to find a very pregnant lady standing in front of me. I tried to persuade my conscience to ignore this information but the little cherub sitting on my shoulder had other intentions.

I looked up at the lady, smiled, and said “excuse me, would you like a seat”. She in return looked at me with a bemused expression on her face and said.. “Why?”

I barely managed to hold the words that were desperate to spill forth – aren’t you pregnant????? and mumbled something abstract. Would you believe this has happened to me about 3 times? I am sorry ladies but no longer shall I be going through this embarrassment. Unless I see someone with a sign saying BABY ON BOARD, I shall be ignoring all other indicators, clearly my radar is on the blink!

As you have probably realised the last week or so I have been somewhat distracted. I recently took on a new project, our quarterly Newsletter which is due imminently, hence my neglect of Americo & Me. It has been a really wonderful challenge and I have enjoyed it immensely. As the project has been handed to me in its entirety I arrange what subjects/articles are going to be included, layout, formatting, spelling, grammar etc, etc, etc.

Sounds like a piece of cake? I then received the articles. It took all my creative skill to re-write them in line with our brand ethos, have I mentioned that I work in a Wealth Management Firm? No? Now do you fully appreciate the commitment? You can only get so excited about a pension.

However, no good deed goes unpunished and this was no exception. The downside to my above elation is that for the last two days I have had to work with The Australian. A more uncouth man you could not hope to come across, an in depth description can be found here. Due to the fact that my Mac skills are non existent (having never worked on one) I had to surrender to his superior knowledge and skill. Luckily most of the work was completed on day one, sadly on day two our ‘Man’ waltzed into work with a slight headache from a little too much over indulgence the night before.

Foolishly he then proceed to bait me with various changes I needed made to the Newsletter that, by the way, will be sent to our very high profile Members. Needless to say it was an imprudent battle to pick. ‘Handle with Care’ was a saying coined for me.

WHAT A JOKER!

I know, it is pathetic that I am just going to leave a joke here for your amusement however this week has been manic (as said on Monday) and all my writing skills (she chuckles) have been put into editing and revamping articles for our quarterly newsletter. Hopefully things will be back to normal next week, but until then I hope you enjoy the below….

A little girl asked her mother: 'How did the human race appear?' The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'

The mother answered, 'Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.'

BUSY MONDAY

Due to an impressive amount of slacking off last week I now find myself in a bit of a quagmire with regards to work. Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t slack off too much however Monday has arrived with vengeful thoughts of keeping me out of mischief! Tonight I am a work widow as Americo is off shmoozing with his newly acquired team, nevertheless, I believe in looking on the bright side of life … today’s bright side is? I get to eat my KFC fix without any of the guilty feelings associated when Americo is here! I know, it is a small thing but strangely satisfying. Americo meanwhile gets to socialise with all the big bosses, being suitably impressive and spend the night at a hotel well in the Boonies. (Boonies – somewhere MILES away from civilisation, think milk your own cow for coffee).

Yesterday we went to Volley Ball coaching in Richmond, considering we play fairly regularly you would have thought I had gained some finesse. Sadly I am astoundingly pathetic at sports so much so that I have almost honed my lack of skill into an art form. You may snigger but yesterday, after spectacularly missing the ball and landing with a loud thud on my bottom, I received an encouraging round of applause. Americo meanwhile rushes about the court like a fox terrier trying to get every ball that comes his side to the net, wiping out all other players in his wake.

So in the interests of public amusement I am going to go and PLAY volley ball tomorrow, after work, and no doubt return home with my ego broken and every muscle aching.

WHISTLE WHILE YOU WALK

Today was my first day walking into work due to strike action on the tubes - I hope you are all suitably impressed with my dedication. It took me just under 2 hours, door to door, to amble my way into the office and has given me much entertainment…

Firstly, I went online to search out my best walking route from London Paddington to St Pauls (in the City of London). The best website I have found is http://www.walkit.com/ – it gives you all kinds of handy information such as, distance, time .. if you are a fast walker, moderate or tortoise and how many calories you have expunged from your system. By the way, I classify myself with the moderates.

Average walking time is 1 hour 20 minutes, 6930 steps, 6.3km or 3.9 miles and total calorie usage….. 332 – what a complete waste of time! Luckily I am not a calorie counting kinda girl, but even so I was somewhat demoralised by the minuscule amount versus time I could still be sleeping! However I will, grudgingly, admit that I did feel my fat reserves reluctantly loosening their grip upon my person.

With the strikes everyone who utilises the Underground has had to make alternative plans, mine was to use the overland then leg it the rest of the way. Others are using the bus routes – faster to walk if I am honest – and others still have pulled out their bicycles. And thus begins my story…..

Whilst navigating my way into the office I stopped at a traffic light – Enter our leading man. He was turning onto the road I hoped to cross, looking not as confident as one would hope. Usually at that time of the day the world passes me by with little impression, I am therefore unsure what caught my attention. Was it the wobbly bike looking the wrong side of controlled? Or the face above the handle bars flushed and anxious? More likely it was the hooting. Whatever, the impression of this middle aged man riding into work clinging onto the handle bars like grim death, simultaneously trying to read a map has made me chuckle all day!

I know it is cruel, and maybe you had to see it to fully appreciate my amusement. But SERIOUSLY – when you haven’t looked at a bicycle for the last 20 years what makes you think it would be a good idea to ride, into London, on tube strike day, when the roads are heaving?

As it turns out walking is not really all that good for me either. Usually I am safely tucked away from temptation on the underground. No so today, having wondered down all the best shopping streets in the city I now want to spend, Spend, SPEND!! Luckily everything was closed on my way in – I doubt I shall be so lucky on my way home.

Now I must sign off and saunter homeward.

STRIKE!

After an extremely lazy weekend, Monday came with all the force of a hurricane and Americo has been manically busy ever since.

Not sure if I mentioned this but Americo, after 4 years, has decided to go permanent at “The Company”. His new role is a marriage breaker.. seeing Americo up at 5.30am and back between 10pm and eleven. Last week I waited for him to get home so that we could eat dinner together, this week I have learnt my lesson!

You can imagine that I am therefore not getting to see much of my husband and, as a consequence, am beginning to forget what he looks like! In order to rectify this situation I have come up with a cunning plan…. Firstly I have given him a code word to be sent, via telephone, 30 minutes prior to arrival. Once at the door there is the secret knock followed by presentation of photo ID.

Tomorrow is the beginning of a 48 hour tube strike which I am looking forward to with eager anticipation. I am so dedicated to my job that I like nothing better than to take a casual stroll (2 hours of causal strolling!) in order to fulfil my duties.

What are they striking for? Well, the RMT Union having consistently provided a fairly shoddy service for years would like a 5% pay increase.. on top of whatever increases were handed out last year. They would also like guarantees that there will be no redundancies (wouldn’t we all?). Who, might I ask will be paying for all this? That is right, I, along with my fellow commuters will! I could go on for hours with this topic but shall constrain myself – aren’t you grateful?

Almost forgot, I received my new passport yesterday, all very exciting especially as I bare a striking resemblance to Casper the Friendly Ghost.. who has just escaped from prison. So happy that I get to keep this one for 10 years!

Think I had better sign off quickly as this post is taking a rather bitter turn! For those in London – happy travels for tomorrow ;)

FRIDAY!

Good news – the Windy One is to be moved as of next week; and not a moment too soon I might add! In the last fortnight things have gotten to a frustrating level where I find myself debating the sense of making it into the office.

Unfortunately now that I am a committed married lady I cannot be quite as flighty as I once was. Where as before if I found myself “surrounded by idiots” (in the words of Scar from the Lion King), I would simply smile smugly, safe in the knowledge that I could walk whenever I had had enough. Unfortunately now that I have a mortgage I have to be slightly more circumspect although Americo does, on occasion, have to remind me of this. It is true, I don’t have much of a work ethic but in a perverse way this actually makes me a better worker.

It would take an age to explain the twisted logic of my comment but it goes something like this… As I am never particularly desperate to be in a job, my work is always of the best standard for the simple fact that I have CHOSEN to work here! Simple, really.

This weekend is about to be the start of a (hopefully) glorious summer. We are celebrating this beginning, with much hard work… Americo has been harassing me to keep a weekend free to attend to the garden. So tomorrow is fully dedicated to cleaning, scrubbing, pulling and generally getting grubby! I am trying to contain my enthusiasm but finding it a bit of a struggle…

bad, Bad, BAD

The sooner this week is behind me the better things will be for everyone! Usually I manage to keep my frustration levels to a minimum but let’s face it the week started badly and so it progressed. “The Windy” one continued to wind me up with increasing liabilities of a confrontation. The storm hit on Thursday morning.

I am not a morning person, I know this, you know this - everyone knows this. But the truth of the matter is that my no talking before 10 am policy (preferably 12 pm) was strictly enforced when the windy one joined the company. I can only just handle annoyances on a good day, but major irritations every morning of the week are just too much for me! Now you can imagine my dismay when we had an office reshuffle a few months back and who should be placed in front of me? You guessed it!

I realise that my black mood was brought on by a relatively minor thing but I claim woman’s prerogative! I got into the office and the window was open with cold air gusting down my collar, I asked, very politely if we could please close it as I was freezing. Sadly ‘he’ is the keeper as it is only on his side that you can open/close it, anyway the response was a very resounding “NO! – I am hot, go put on a jacket”. Now the other girl on our set of desks had also asked, however she took it one step further and closed the window when he was away. There started a day of continued pettiness with one opening and the other closing. Eventually I requested again that surely he could not still be ‘boiling’ and could we please close the window. Again, NO.

By this stage my PMS was clocking in big time and begging for blood. I very gallantly restrained myself from crossing completely to the dark side which I can assure you would have been vulgar, violent and altogether very satisfactory! The problem with me is that once I am on this trip it takes very little for me to go from Zero to Hero (as it were). So I did the only thing a girl can do.

I requested he be moved from my sphere due to major personality differences namely that I am made of goodness and light and he is generally a pain the ****! (I like to believe this about myself .. but really even I know that is somewhat of a stretch!) Regardless, my manager, having witnessed him picking his nose the day before, was quite sympathetic to my cause. And so it is that peace shall once again descend on my world albeit in a few weeks time. However as there is some light at the end of the proverbial tunnel I can hang in there! Aren’t I brave?

Anyhow it is Friday and I will be leaving this week behind me with glee.