AN HONEST JOB DESCRIPTION?

We are looking for a new professional at our office and I briefly assisted with wording the Job Description that is about to be published. Thing is, JD’s, like CV’s are an interesting blend of fact and fiction! The facts are obvious, you will be required to do X, Y and Z. The possible fiction is in the description….

Our charming, charismatic CEO is looking for XXXX to join our flourishing team. The role will be challenging with a diverse work load. Yadda, Yadda – I am sure you’ve all seen this before. Once you read a few JD’s you begin to sift through the make believe, for instance, the minute a person’s characteristics are over exaggerated you immediately apply the “opposite theory” – charming and charismatic begins to resemble awful taskmaster with an axe to grind.

Now it is not that every person with a promising character reference will turn out to be a tyrant, it is just more likely! After all.. you have been for the interviews.

Truth be told I am possibly a little jaded as my ‘charming and charismatic’ director is currently driving me up the pole! The worst part is – he is not actually doing anything particularly note worthy (today) to achieve this.

When I first got my job here (almost 5 years ago) I was over awed. My first permanent position. I accepted the role in a cold sweat with heart pounding, not from excitement you understand but fear! I was terrified of taking on a permanent position, for years I had flitted from one job to another leaving when I got bored or people irritated me. Now – well, now I had committed myself to being patient, loyal, a proper member of a team….permanent. Trust me, the only time I wanted to have any of these feelings was the day I got married. Going permanent was a bit too much like a life commitment for me.

However, Americo and I were looking to buy our first house and I suppose there really does come a time when you have to grow up.

So I started at the XXXX, it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I actually had to work! No more endlessly surfing the internet, chatting on the phone and generally chilling out. Nope – I had (wait for it) – RESPONSIBILITIES! Ugh.

Two weeks in I was ready to walk out, Mr B got right up my nose, however Americo talked me round and persuaded me to stick it out for at least 3 months. Eventually Mr B and I fell into a rapport; surprisingly we actually worked quite well. He attempted to be a pain in the ar*e and I steadfastly refused to deal with any of that nonsense … safe in the knowledge that whenever I got bored of playing work, I could walk out!

Anyway, after being here for some considerable time I have noticed certain traits. There are few people in our office who appreciate Mr B. he tends to operate in self destruct mode. Colleagues see him coming and shrink into the shadows (metephorically speaking). Which leads us back to the Job Description where a colleague and I were chuckling about the things you would not put in..

We guarantee that this role will be a challenge, the biggest of which will be to control the desperate urge to fling yourself out a window. Drugs are a necessity, either recreational or prescriptive - you WILL need a crutch. We promise to corrode all self confidence. You will begin to see this torment as a normal cycle of life, like a beaten dog you will spend your days cowering in the corner waiting for the next kick to come. At night you will curl in to a ball gently rocking yourself to sleep and wondering ... what you did to deserve this?

TUESDAY RAMBLINGS

Time seems to be flying by at the moment with Christmas steadily creeping up and only 6 weeks until we fly off to Australia. Aaaah the preparations! I have told you about my disastrous bikini shopping experience, the bikini was perfect, I should have looked fabulous however (and I am firmly sticking with this) the lighting was very unflattering. So I have been attempting to get myself a six pack by doing exercises. Painful! I just do not get fitness nuts – surely there are more entertaining things out there??? Mind you I am rather lacking in dedication; I can just imagine Americo vigorously nodding his head at this, whilst babbling on about “NO PAIN NO GAIN!” .. whatever!

Unfortunately the proof is, literally, in the pudding and I am sad to say there shall be no more pudding for me! A dire turn of events I am sure you will agree.

The neighbours are beginning to think I have lost the plot as they see me outside (in the bitter cold) with my skipping rope - attempting to work up a sweat. If I am honest I can only muster about 10 minutes of enthusiasm before I begin to wonder .. when was this EVER fun? Kids love skipping, I loved skipping, what on earth changed?

So to make the world resemble a better place I have booked myself a haircut. New style, new colour – new me!

WHAT A DAY

I have been struggling to get out of bed the last few days, when the alarm goes off the room is still murky with a slight nip in the air, whilst my bed is toasty warm with Americo in it.

Yesterday my alarm buzzed into action and I pressed snooze, once, twice… after that I must have lost consciousness. When I resurfaced, I woke with a feeling of contentment, safe and happy and - WHAT - five minutes before I had to leave the house!

I leapt out of bed, raced to the bathroom, frantically brushing my teeth whilst scouring the cupboard for something to wear. Obviously not something in need of an iron.

Americo meanwhile briefly raised his head to see what all the fuss was about, before pulling the duvet more securely under his chin and mumbling “mm, late too”. Clearly not!

I (just) managed to get my self dressed, dashing out the house in record time, with a vague resemblance to Cruella DeVille - minus the fur.

LATE! But not late enough not to grab a mocha chilla (my new addiction) from the coffee shop.

By now I was seriously late; rushing to the office whilst attempting to juggle my mocha chilla, umbrella and handbag – when my phone rang. It was an employment friend of mine who I wanted to ask a favour of, so I couldn’t exactly rush things.

Eventually I made it into the office only to see that everyone was in the boardroom. Bollocks! Forgot all about the 9 o’clock meeting. Who in their right mind books a meeting for 9am?? Clearly ridiculous morning people! Or the Australian…..

After all the excitement of the morning my day settled into an impression of normality. I say impression as things are not really normal – for instance, I don’t usually have my resume floating about the ether in the hopes of snagging some fabulous job … elsewhere. Anyhow, we do what we need to do, hmm?

By the time 5.30pm rolled by the day had disintegrated, weather wise, with pouring rain and huge puddles. St Pauls, the tube station, was flooded with people, everyone being a little more cautious as umbrellas dripped, creating a slick mess on the floor.

To say I was thankful to be going home would be an understatement. I was thrilled to be almost home; moments from the door I was already creating a list of priorities - out of the rain, out of sopping trousers, into nice hot bath ……….. cigarette.

Propping my umbrella up against the wall I scratched about in my bag for the keys. Hmm? More scrabbling – nothing.

In desperation I emptied the bag onto the front step then sat down next to the upended contents, rolled a cigarette and thought “sod it; I’ve left my keys in the house!”

CHANGES

I cannot tell you how many times I have sat down to write this blog before something interrupts! No more I say… there will be a post today!

The thing is there are just so many changes in the air… sounds intriguing – doesn’t it?

This week has brought with it the start of Autumn – after an unseasonably pleasant two weeks it has all come as a bit of a shock to the system. The mornings are grey and dreary with a slight bite in the air and the trees are beginning to loose their summer foliage. In fact it seems to me that autumn is the perfect time of year to make decisions as the land is shrouded in change.

My first change is that I am looking for a new job. I am sure you have all noticed that recently I have been feeling a little disgruntled with my work life. Admittedly most of it is minor irritations that everyone has, but there has been a rather off putting undertone running about the office. So, I have updated my C.V. and sent it out into the big bad world of employment.

Today I called my first agency, this is the part I hate! Employment agents are like the guard at the gate, you don’t have a snowball’s chance in … if the person who you speak to doesn’t like you. I believe more practice is required as I feel incredibly guilty that I am putting a toe in the market.

I will have to keep you updated on my progress with this – that is if I don’t get bored of looking before I find something. Honestly – it is a possibility!

My other change is that I am (seriously) starting to do exercise. I know that I am usually all talk and no action in this department however bikini buying shed a WHOLE new light on things! So my mantra for the next few weeks it – I must be good, I must be good.

Tonight is my second session of home gyming – I am looking forward to it*.

* if you believe that, you really will believe anything.

PHEW!

At last I am back to blogging action. But, my friends – what a week or so it has been! As I mentioned last time I recently took over the creation of our company quarterly Newsletter.

The process works that I get very technical, financial articles in. I then read them and create, from the initial submission, something that is (hopefully!) understandable as well as enjoyable to the non financial reading public. Once these have been reviewed and edited - many, many times, I then look at the graphics i.e. company colours/pictures. It is all quite mentally taxing but incredibly satisfying.

Now to catch you up. We have a friend living with us at the moment, for how long I am unsure. Anyway, on the weekend of our ‘proper’ anniversary (the church day) off she flew to South Africa. Americo and I were looking forward to having the weekend to ourselves and celebrating our first year of marital bliss. Only it was not to be! A less devoted couple you could not have hoped to find. By the Saturday afternoon we were looking forward to Monday with eager anticipation! And what, I hear you ask was this all about…….. NOTHING! Yip, absolutely nothing. We were perfectly horrendous to each other for over 24 hours about embarrassingly, ridiculous subjects.

Thankfully peace was reinstalled albeit rather late on Sunday.

This brings us up to last week which went by in a blur of Newsletter articles, pictures and various work pressures.

Friday.. really it is probably better left unsaid – two words Yager Bomb… and lots of them.

Saturday.. more of the same!

Sunday passed in a haze of regrets regarding alcohol consumption and the aching head of retribution!

So, now that you are all up to speed regular posts shall resume, hopefully tomorrow.

BACK NEXT WEEK

I am sorry for my silence - it is quarterly newsletter time again and I have to admit that any creative energy I may have is currently focused elsewhere!

To catch you all up the meeting I threatened last week with MR.B regarding his father did take place with the expected outcome. Going forward Mr.B (snr) will take care of all his own travel arrangements.

Briefly, this last weekend I was a regular Betty Homemaker.. in the kitchen creating all kinds of delicacies. Our house once again resembled a hostle with bodies scattered all over the place on Sunday morning, almost out numbering the ACTUAL inhabitants!

See you when my mind returns..

ONE WHOLE YEAR

Can you believe that today is our 1 year anniversary? No doubt this has been the catalyst of my recent sappiness towards Americo!

Unfortunately the focus of my love and good wishes is not with me today having had to head off for a business training course for two days. However he did call (BRIGHT AND EARLY) to say happy anniversary. Luckily for him we have two wedding anniversaries, 1 for the registry office wedding and 1 for the big white wedding we had, which is due next weekend. In reality this is the one we will ‘properly’ celebrate.

Actually, I mustn’t forget to remind Americo of what a lucky chap he is.. I married him twice!

Anyway, my recent mood of love and good will to all mankind has been blown to smithereens today. I was feeling all loved up after my early morning call but then………………… People happened. I had a slight altercation with my boss regarding his father.

Admittedly I am an Executive Assistant, with a difference. I have the glorified title of Business Manager but in reality I am more of a resistant assistant. I don’t really ‘do’ personal things and usually if these are requested they are more in the asking of a favour than instruction. Just the way I like it, I work for a pay cheque - my life is not my job and my job is most certainly not my life. Anyway, my boss and I have a certain understanding, I don’t do tea, coffee, dry cleaning or any of the other trivial things people cannot be bothered to do for themselves – I was hired for a job. I do, on occasion however assist with booking holidays, more as a sympathy gig than anything else, as he is technologically challenged.

Now, as I have done a fair amount of travelling I am quite adept at arranging flights, looking for the best deals and, in times of desperation, have a travel agent I am on friendly terms with. My boss will only use these particular skills when the details prove too complex i.e. flights for 10, hotels in foreign countries internal and connecting carriers etc.

His father however seems to believe that I am here, purely, to attend to his personal travel requirements. Calling up and expecting me to drop everything (my actual PAYING job) to cater to his needs….

A few months ago, I freely admit, I did a fairly major F.up. I was rushed, paperwork had to be collected and dropped off on timescales and who should call. You guessed it. My mind was in a million places and I accidentally booked his flight out of one London airport, returning into another. None of us realised the mistake .. until he went to catch the returning flight. To say I was popular would be an understatement, I apologised – profusely. In truth I seldom make errors of this kind, unfortunately though, they do happen.

Now logic would dictate that due to his lack of faith he would find an alternative person? So far this has not proved to be the case, if anything these calls to arrange hotels, flights blah, blah, blah have been more frequent. Often with me spending HOURS searching hotels, sending him quotes booking everything, only to then have him decide not to go ahead. I probably wouldn’t mind but I just don’t deal very well with certain things, one of them was a snide comment suggesting that “had I worked for him I would have been fired”. All very good and well, how about following up that statement by harassing someone else??

So today, amazingly he had booked his own flight into London, but then decided that he wanted to catch the earlier connection out. Ordinarily not a problem, sadly though when you purchase cheap tickets and then reschedule they are seldom as cost efficient as initially anticipated. I call, get the quote and call back advising of the, now exorbitant, price. All this via My Lord & Master. (I think we should start referring to him as something, else like MR.B, I am not really a lord & master kinda girl!!).

I then hear his father (MR.B snr?), mumbling some derogatory statement along the lines of “this isn’t going to be like that other flight she cocked up”. All civility flew out the window. I believe my words were..

“Indeed, if that is how your father feels please advise him to arrange his own flights.” To be honest that wasn’t all I said.. I am not known to be retiring with my opinions. In fact reading this sentence back it actually sounds quite friendly. To clear up. It was not, to get the right intonation add a heavy dose of sarcasm.

“oh, no, no – that isn’t what he meant at all.. it was just a joke.” Was my boss's reply

I think you shall find we will now all be laughing as tomorrow I intend to have a little discussion regarding this….