GOODBYES

We are once again alone in the house as my friend has moved back to her home. I was sure that she would be marked by her experiences of living with us and had a little chuckle when she wrote the other day to confirm my suspicions. To give a bit of back ground..

Americo and I have lived in our home for just over a year and, in that time, we have basically … moved in. I have only recently put photo’s in picture frames, being somewhat decorationally challenged, amongst other things!

For the first year we had not one curtain - until my mother came to the rescue providing cover for all our downstairs window requirements. The rooms on the second floor however are still open to the neighbours, should they have an interest to peek. It is in one of these rooms that my friend has been living for the last few months.

In case you haven’t already guessed a curtainless room does not a sanctuary provide! There is no chance of wandering about naked, well .. not unless you are VERY still, in the crouch position, behind the bed, in one corner. Basically, much more effort than reward! So she devised a routine whereby she would take all her clothes to the bathroom, shower and then get changed in the corridor (spare bathroom is V.small) – safe from any neighbourly curiosity.

Anyhow, she has now moved back to her home and e-mailed me the other day saying..

“Had my shower this morning, grabbed my clothes and headed into the hallway to get dressed……. Then realised……. I HAVE CURTAINS!”

Hehehe

I am waiting to hear what other lasting effects living with us will have had!

THE CRAZY..

What do you do when you feel the blue haze of panic rising up to meet you with arms stretched wide, ready to drag you into the void? Hmm, what do you do, indeed!

Over the last few weeks things in Zim have been progressively unravelling – the Unity Government is not looking quite as united as it could be, farm invasions have recommenced and bodies are turning up.. having perished from slightly more than natural causes…. With all this resumed activity I have to admit to being somewhat anxious about my parents well being. Which brings us to why I was teetering on the edge of the void..

I haven’t spoken to my folks for a few weeks (no major panic there as my sister chatted to them last week) but I thought I would check in on Monday.. Tuesday.. Wednesday – by now I was desperately dialling.. nothing, nothing, nothing. No ringing, no dial tone just a disembowelled voice advising that the ‘line is unavailable at the moment’. At this stage I am almost obsessively calling; mom, dad, dad, mom - over and over, just on the off chance that I might get through, frustratingly, still nothing.

I could feel my grip on reason slipping and panic blooming in its place, time to control The Crazy! Unfortunately once the door to Crazy has been opened it is considerably harder to shut. It feels as though you have been torn in two, with your neurotic self throwing up awful questions, whilst your saner, lucid self sits back unsure how best to proceed.

So Mom & Dad, feel free to call your youngest, most recently married daughter - as she is only just in control of The Crazy!! – love you xx.

Where has 2009 gone? It feels like just yesterday that I started up my little bloggy and all of a sudden a year has flown by, with no consideration for my sanity.

So, have we all achieved what we set out to achieve when 2009 began? I can truthfully say YES I HAVE! I have continued to smoke, drink and enjoy life to the full – which you will find were all my initial New Years resolutions. The only thing I have tripped up on is the exercise… I did some. Horror.

Anyway, I am sure you are all thinking I am mad, complaining about the impending doom of 2009 when we are still in November but, seriously, we only have 5 weeks until we are off to Australia. YAY!! So I have to cram all my Christmassy things into that time – buy presents to be sent home, organise final dinners, last minute holiday shopping blah, blah, blah.

I have just sent the e-mail invitation to our annual Christmas party, with our numbers swelling this has had to be moved from a home event to a pub. I can just see my dearest of husbands’ eyeballs bulging at the suggestion of a small gathering of over 25 people in our house! Nope, much more sensible to have a ding ding dee (party) at the bar – less chance of running out of booze!

AN HONEST JOB DESCRIPTION?

We are looking for a new professional at our office and I briefly assisted with wording the Job Description that is about to be published. Thing is, JD’s, like CV’s are an interesting blend of fact and fiction! The facts are obvious, you will be required to do X, Y and Z. The possible fiction is in the description….

Our charming, charismatic CEO is looking for XXXX to join our flourishing team. The role will be challenging with a diverse work load. Yadda, Yadda – I am sure you’ve all seen this before. Once you read a few JD’s you begin to sift through the make believe, for instance, the minute a person’s characteristics are over exaggerated you immediately apply the “opposite theory” – charming and charismatic begins to resemble awful taskmaster with an axe to grind.

Now it is not that every person with a promising character reference will turn out to be a tyrant, it is just more likely! After all.. you have been for the interviews.

Truth be told I am possibly a little jaded as my ‘charming and charismatic’ director is currently driving me up the pole! The worst part is – he is not actually doing anything particularly note worthy (today) to achieve this.

When I first got my job here (almost 5 years ago) I was over awed. My first permanent position. I accepted the role in a cold sweat with heart pounding, not from excitement you understand but fear! I was terrified of taking on a permanent position, for years I had flitted from one job to another leaving when I got bored or people irritated me. Now – well, now I had committed myself to being patient, loyal, a proper member of a team….permanent. Trust me, the only time I wanted to have any of these feelings was the day I got married. Going permanent was a bit too much like a life commitment for me.

However, Americo and I were looking to buy our first house and I suppose there really does come a time when you have to grow up.

So I started at the XXXX, it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I actually had to work! No more endlessly surfing the internet, chatting on the phone and generally chilling out. Nope – I had (wait for it) – RESPONSIBILITIES! Ugh.

Two weeks in I was ready to walk out, Mr B got right up my nose, however Americo talked me round and persuaded me to stick it out for at least 3 months. Eventually Mr B and I fell into a rapport; surprisingly we actually worked quite well. He attempted to be a pain in the ar*e and I steadfastly refused to deal with any of that nonsense … safe in the knowledge that whenever I got bored of playing work, I could walk out!

Anyway, after being here for some considerable time I have noticed certain traits. There are few people in our office who appreciate Mr B. he tends to operate in self destruct mode. Colleagues see him coming and shrink into the shadows (metephorically speaking). Which leads us back to the Job Description where a colleague and I were chuckling about the things you would not put in..

We guarantee that this role will be a challenge, the biggest of which will be to control the desperate urge to fling yourself out a window. Drugs are a necessity, either recreational or prescriptive - you WILL need a crutch. We promise to corrode all self confidence. You will begin to see this torment as a normal cycle of life, like a beaten dog you will spend your days cowering in the corner waiting for the next kick to come. At night you will curl in to a ball gently rocking yourself to sleep and wondering ... what you did to deserve this?

TUESDAY RAMBLINGS

Time seems to be flying by at the moment with Christmas steadily creeping up and only 6 weeks until we fly off to Australia. Aaaah the preparations! I have told you about my disastrous bikini shopping experience, the bikini was perfect, I should have looked fabulous however (and I am firmly sticking with this) the lighting was very unflattering. So I have been attempting to get myself a six pack by doing exercises. Painful! I just do not get fitness nuts – surely there are more entertaining things out there??? Mind you I am rather lacking in dedication; I can just imagine Americo vigorously nodding his head at this, whilst babbling on about “NO PAIN NO GAIN!” .. whatever!

Unfortunately the proof is, literally, in the pudding and I am sad to say there shall be no more pudding for me! A dire turn of events I am sure you will agree.

The neighbours are beginning to think I have lost the plot as they see me outside (in the bitter cold) with my skipping rope - attempting to work up a sweat. If I am honest I can only muster about 10 minutes of enthusiasm before I begin to wonder .. when was this EVER fun? Kids love skipping, I loved skipping, what on earth changed?

So to make the world resemble a better place I have booked myself a haircut. New style, new colour – new me!

WHAT A DAY

I have been struggling to get out of bed the last few days, when the alarm goes off the room is still murky with a slight nip in the air, whilst my bed is toasty warm with Americo in it.

Yesterday my alarm buzzed into action and I pressed snooze, once, twice… after that I must have lost consciousness. When I resurfaced, I woke with a feeling of contentment, safe and happy and - WHAT - five minutes before I had to leave the house!

I leapt out of bed, raced to the bathroom, frantically brushing my teeth whilst scouring the cupboard for something to wear. Obviously not something in need of an iron.

Americo meanwhile briefly raised his head to see what all the fuss was about, before pulling the duvet more securely under his chin and mumbling “mm, late too”. Clearly not!

I (just) managed to get my self dressed, dashing out the house in record time, with a vague resemblance to Cruella DeVille - minus the fur.

LATE! But not late enough not to grab a mocha chilla (my new addiction) from the coffee shop.

By now I was seriously late; rushing to the office whilst attempting to juggle my mocha chilla, umbrella and handbag – when my phone rang. It was an employment friend of mine who I wanted to ask a favour of, so I couldn’t exactly rush things.

Eventually I made it into the office only to see that everyone was in the boardroom. Bollocks! Forgot all about the 9 o’clock meeting. Who in their right mind books a meeting for 9am?? Clearly ridiculous morning people! Or the Australian…..

After all the excitement of the morning my day settled into an impression of normality. I say impression as things are not really normal – for instance, I don’t usually have my resume floating about the ether in the hopes of snagging some fabulous job … elsewhere. Anyhow, we do what we need to do, hmm?

By the time 5.30pm rolled by the day had disintegrated, weather wise, with pouring rain and huge puddles. St Pauls, the tube station, was flooded with people, everyone being a little more cautious as umbrellas dripped, creating a slick mess on the floor.

To say I was thankful to be going home would be an understatement. I was thrilled to be almost home; moments from the door I was already creating a list of priorities - out of the rain, out of sopping trousers, into nice hot bath ……….. cigarette.

Propping my umbrella up against the wall I scratched about in my bag for the keys. Hmm? More scrabbling – nothing.

In desperation I emptied the bag onto the front step then sat down next to the upended contents, rolled a cigarette and thought “sod it; I’ve left my keys in the house!”

CHANGES

I cannot tell you how many times I have sat down to write this blog before something interrupts! No more I say… there will be a post today!

The thing is there are just so many changes in the air… sounds intriguing – doesn’t it?

This week has brought with it the start of Autumn – after an unseasonably pleasant two weeks it has all come as a bit of a shock to the system. The mornings are grey and dreary with a slight bite in the air and the trees are beginning to loose their summer foliage. In fact it seems to me that autumn is the perfect time of year to make decisions as the land is shrouded in change.

My first change is that I am looking for a new job. I am sure you have all noticed that recently I have been feeling a little disgruntled with my work life. Admittedly most of it is minor irritations that everyone has, but there has been a rather off putting undertone running about the office. So, I have updated my C.V. and sent it out into the big bad world of employment.

Today I called my first agency, this is the part I hate! Employment agents are like the guard at the gate, you don’t have a snowball’s chance in … if the person who you speak to doesn’t like you. I believe more practice is required as I feel incredibly guilty that I am putting a toe in the market.

I will have to keep you updated on my progress with this – that is if I don’t get bored of looking before I find something. Honestly – it is a possibility!

My other change is that I am (seriously) starting to do exercise. I know that I am usually all talk and no action in this department however bikini buying shed a WHOLE new light on things! So my mantra for the next few weeks it – I must be good, I must be good.

Tonight is my second session of home gyming – I am looking forward to it*.

* if you believe that, you really will believe anything.

PHEW!

At last I am back to blogging action. But, my friends – what a week or so it has been! As I mentioned last time I recently took over the creation of our company quarterly Newsletter.

The process works that I get very technical, financial articles in. I then read them and create, from the initial submission, something that is (hopefully!) understandable as well as enjoyable to the non financial reading public. Once these have been reviewed and edited - many, many times, I then look at the graphics i.e. company colours/pictures. It is all quite mentally taxing but incredibly satisfying.

Now to catch you up. We have a friend living with us at the moment, for how long I am unsure. Anyway, on the weekend of our ‘proper’ anniversary (the church day) off she flew to South Africa. Americo and I were looking forward to having the weekend to ourselves and celebrating our first year of marital bliss. Only it was not to be! A less devoted couple you could not have hoped to find. By the Saturday afternoon we were looking forward to Monday with eager anticipation! And what, I hear you ask was this all about…….. NOTHING! Yip, absolutely nothing. We were perfectly horrendous to each other for over 24 hours about embarrassingly, ridiculous subjects.

Thankfully peace was reinstalled albeit rather late on Sunday.

This brings us up to last week which went by in a blur of Newsletter articles, pictures and various work pressures.

Friday.. really it is probably better left unsaid – two words Yager Bomb… and lots of them.

Saturday.. more of the same!

Sunday passed in a haze of regrets regarding alcohol consumption and the aching head of retribution!

So, now that you are all up to speed regular posts shall resume, hopefully tomorrow.

BACK NEXT WEEK

I am sorry for my silence - it is quarterly newsletter time again and I have to admit that any creative energy I may have is currently focused elsewhere!

To catch you all up the meeting I threatened last week with MR.B regarding his father did take place with the expected outcome. Going forward Mr.B (snr) will take care of all his own travel arrangements.

Briefly, this last weekend I was a regular Betty Homemaker.. in the kitchen creating all kinds of delicacies. Our house once again resembled a hostle with bodies scattered all over the place on Sunday morning, almost out numbering the ACTUAL inhabitants!

See you when my mind returns..

ONE WHOLE YEAR

Can you believe that today is our 1 year anniversary? No doubt this has been the catalyst of my recent sappiness towards Americo!

Unfortunately the focus of my love and good wishes is not with me today having had to head off for a business training course for two days. However he did call (BRIGHT AND EARLY) to say happy anniversary. Luckily for him we have two wedding anniversaries, 1 for the registry office wedding and 1 for the big white wedding we had, which is due next weekend. In reality this is the one we will ‘properly’ celebrate.

Actually, I mustn’t forget to remind Americo of what a lucky chap he is.. I married him twice!

Anyway, my recent mood of love and good will to all mankind has been blown to smithereens today. I was feeling all loved up after my early morning call but then………………… People happened. I had a slight altercation with my boss regarding his father.

Admittedly I am an Executive Assistant, with a difference. I have the glorified title of Business Manager but in reality I am more of a resistant assistant. I don’t really ‘do’ personal things and usually if these are requested they are more in the asking of a favour than instruction. Just the way I like it, I work for a pay cheque - my life is not my job and my job is most certainly not my life. Anyway, my boss and I have a certain understanding, I don’t do tea, coffee, dry cleaning or any of the other trivial things people cannot be bothered to do for themselves – I was hired for a job. I do, on occasion however assist with booking holidays, more as a sympathy gig than anything else, as he is technologically challenged.

Now, as I have done a fair amount of travelling I am quite adept at arranging flights, looking for the best deals and, in times of desperation, have a travel agent I am on friendly terms with. My boss will only use these particular skills when the details prove too complex i.e. flights for 10, hotels in foreign countries internal and connecting carriers etc.

His father however seems to believe that I am here, purely, to attend to his personal travel requirements. Calling up and expecting me to drop everything (my actual PAYING job) to cater to his needs….

A few months ago, I freely admit, I did a fairly major F.up. I was rushed, paperwork had to be collected and dropped off on timescales and who should call. You guessed it. My mind was in a million places and I accidentally booked his flight out of one London airport, returning into another. None of us realised the mistake .. until he went to catch the returning flight. To say I was popular would be an understatement, I apologised – profusely. In truth I seldom make errors of this kind, unfortunately though, they do happen.

Now logic would dictate that due to his lack of faith he would find an alternative person? So far this has not proved to be the case, if anything these calls to arrange hotels, flights blah, blah, blah have been more frequent. Often with me spending HOURS searching hotels, sending him quotes booking everything, only to then have him decide not to go ahead. I probably wouldn’t mind but I just don’t deal very well with certain things, one of them was a snide comment suggesting that “had I worked for him I would have been fired”. All very good and well, how about following up that statement by harassing someone else??

So today, amazingly he had booked his own flight into London, but then decided that he wanted to catch the earlier connection out. Ordinarily not a problem, sadly though when you purchase cheap tickets and then reschedule they are seldom as cost efficient as initially anticipated. I call, get the quote and call back advising of the, now exorbitant, price. All this via My Lord & Master. (I think we should start referring to him as something, else like MR.B, I am not really a lord & master kinda girl!!).

I then hear his father (MR.B snr?), mumbling some derogatory statement along the lines of “this isn’t going to be like that other flight she cocked up”. All civility flew out the window. I believe my words were..

“Indeed, if that is how your father feels please advise him to arrange his own flights.” To be honest that wasn’t all I said.. I am not known to be retiring with my opinions. In fact reading this sentence back it actually sounds quite friendly. To clear up. It was not, to get the right intonation add a heavy dose of sarcasm.

“oh, no, no – that isn’t what he meant at all.. it was just a joke.” Was my boss's reply

I think you shall find we will now all be laughing as tomorrow I intend to have a little discussion regarding this….

A MOMENT IN TIME..

Life is filled with moments, snippets out of time that can take your breath away and fill your heart to capacity. I am not overly sentimental on my blog, I take it for granted that readers know my love for Americo is constant …. EVEN during those times when he is particularly exasperating! Nevertheless, this morning contained one of those silly but joyful moments that will have others scoffing at my ridiculousness…. And what was this moment, I hear you ask? Weeell, we, for the first time in AGES, left the house together and walked down the street to Americo’s car, hand in hand. A perfect start to the day!

See? I told you it was absurd.

This gooey initiation to my day has severely affected my vitriolic abilities and left me feeling generous of spirit with good wishes to all mankind. However, the day is young and I am sure, given enough time, some twit will cure me of this temporarily serendipitous moment!

I read in the newspaper today of a gentleman in Darwin, Australia who discovered a 10-Foot python in his toilet.. I must admit to having a little giggle when I read this…

“A 10-foot python wrested from the plumbing of a toilet was harmless but it still possesses a mouthful of very sharp teeth and this one had an attitude to match, so if you felt something bite you on the bottom while you were on the toilet it would give you a hell of a fright,” Mr Peberdy said.

FULL ARTICLE

Harmless or not.. I think we can all safely assume that if some critter was lurking in the toilet and bit a bottom “one hell of a fright” would be the least of our problems! Although it does conjure up quiet an hilarious image of someone bouncing off the toilet with a ten foot python attached to their rear…

Yip, it is all about simple things today!

WHAT IS THE HEIGHT OF LAZINESS??

By hippieprincess74

This morning, as I was rushing about the house attempting to get myself out the door on time, I had a major dilemma, do I wear flip flops or trainers into the office. With a glance outside my verdict is quickly determined. Grey skies = trainers!

Having chosen my trainers whilst downstairs, I realise that I am not very well prepared for the realities of my decision - No Socks. I give the staircase a resentful glare, LATE, no time to be running up two flights of stairs to grab a pair of socks. (I know, there is always time but.. lazy!) I take a moment to regroup, is there any washing in the tumble dryer? Nope, because yours truly has been the embodiment of housewifely virtue and everything is neatly packed away a la Stepford Wives.

GRRRR – seriously, no good deed goes unpunished!

At this stage I am contemplating the thought of risking wet toes in flip flops versus rushing upstairs for that pair of socks. In desperation I give the room another cursory flicker, AH HA, do mine eyes deceive me? Lo and behold what is that upon the dining room table? Could it be.. yes I believe it is.. TWO socks! Eureka!

Upon closer inspection this is not really such a great find, one sock is Americo’s (size 10 men’s) and the other is mine (size 5 ladies). Without hesitation I yank my mismatched socks onto my feet, pull on my trainers and..

Decide to start rearranging my handbag. Yes it’s true, my mind is a special place early on a Monday morning!

However, did I stop at rearranging my handbag? NO, then I decided to organise lunch for my favourite of husbands. Okay, organise is a slight exaggeration, more like grab the items, soup, chocolate cake (both special treats from Storme!) two banana’s and an apple. Put them all in a bag, write a note saying something suitably sappy, look at the time and RUN for the door.

OUR WEEKEND OF MISADVENTURES..

As I am sure you have probably guessed, this weekend … we played volleyball. What can I say, the minute the sun shines I feel it is my duty to head out to the park and utilise every last minute. And so started our weekend of misadventures…

Usually I decline to be on any side that has my most delightful of husbands on it. This is not because I am tempted to throw myself into his arms at every opportunity, nor for fear that we may distract each other. No. The reason I refuse to be on his team is simply because he is draconian, playing sports with Americo is akin to having a tyrant on your team. He bosses you about then attempts to explain the game, in simple terms. I end up feeling like a 5 year old, with coach detailing that the ball, flying at speed, requires for you to return it over the net. Really? I have always wondered about those finer details!

The problem is - everyone else knows what he’s like too! Therefore, because I love him so much and will eventually forgive his bad behaviour on court, I inevitably end up playing on his side. Americo has asked me to put in here that he is actually encouraging and uplifts moral. (hahahahahaha – what ever!)

Now, when Americo plays any ball sports he is like a fox terrier, charging for any and every ball, so much so that you eventually decide not to go for them, safe in the knowledge that back up is on its way.

Stupidly I forgot this golden rule. Picture the scene, ball coming directly at me, I leap up (looking remarkably sporty like!) to return it and win the point. Subconsciously I hear Americo pounding up behind me, but for some reason my brain does not register the danger until…. My jaw connects with his steel encased arm. OH the pain! It felt as though my jaw had been disconnected, in fact I initially wondered if it had!

Who would have thought that I, Zanna HTDS, would ever get to the stage of receiving a sporting injury? SO impressive! Others were less enthused by my war wound, suggesting that it is not a TRUE sporting injury. WHAT?? I was playing sports and got injured.. hence…? I am however happy to report that my jaw has now re-aligned itself and all is well that ends well (aside from the odd clicking when I chew!).

Unfortunately things were not so simple for Americo, who, after thumping me in the jaw with his reinforced steel arm, was bitten by some tiny, nondescript but vicious bug. The initial attack was so unexceptional that my hero did not even notice until much later in the evening when his foot resembled a balloon with toes. In true style we ignored his fat foot for the next day with expectations that the swelling would – well – just go! Come Monday morning (public holiday) unbelievably his foot was even bigger. Although we were all laughing about him having a kankle (calf/ankle) I did, in between giggles, manage to get him a doctor’s appointment.

The doctors recommended kankle treatment is a course of anti-inflammatory and antihistamine, which has left Americo feeling slightly wasted. Still he has laughed along with the rest of us about his current condition mostly, I think, because it is not actually painful! Otherwise he would have been ooohing and aaahing determined that the angels are calling his name. I promise you – there is none as sick as a male creature.

ALL WORK & NO PLAY...

… Makes Americo a dull boy!

I am beginning to wonder if having a husband is all a figment of my imagination. I seem to recollect getting hitched and standing up in front of the priest. I definitely remember huge amounts of money leaving the account and a big, drunken celebration. But final confirmation has come in the form of documentation substantiating the fact, I am indeed married, and this elusive character goes by the name of …. Americo. The thing is, at the moment he is working such long hours I barely remember what he looks like, I can however report that his secretary is great and we are considering meeting for lunch!!

My Dearest is under so much pressure at the moment he has virtually moved into the office and I am beginning to feel a little like the concierge at a hotel, “Sir your dinner is on the table and fresh underwear in the top draw – no messages except PS. I LOVE YOU”. A good night’s sleep has become a thing of the past and the brief moments I have with my husband are the most precious minutes of my day.

Fear not though, we have held a family Board Meeting and I am lead to believe that the current situation should improve with (HOPEFULLY) immediate effect. All Board Members of HTDS LTD understanding their various roles and responsibilities!!! ;)

In other news I have come to realise that my current relationship with nicotine will be coming to an end. It is with a heavy heart that I admit to this sad loss of faith in a dear companion. Ours has been a long and, dare I say it, enjoyable liaison but, as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. So I have set myself a goal to become one of the many quitters …. when we decide to have children! I am viewing this decision in the column of ‘long term goals’. I will, of course, keep you posted on my progress – so far there is nothing to report.

I am sorry, I know that smoking is bad and truly I do not mean to trivialise it however, can a non smoker really understand the total enjoyment you get from having a puff? The sense of being, just a little bit naughty! For me it has become a kind of ritual, a moment in time that is my own. Bad, bad, bad.

Still, the first step to recovery is, I suppose, accepting the inevitable? Any helpful advice welcomed…

FAMILY..

Firstly ladies and gentlemen, you will all be happy to know that my dearest father is feeling much better after his recent bout of malaria. I spoke to him earlier in the week and he was sounding quite chipper after having mom nurse him back to health.

My mother is a heroine at almost all things medical and has virtually become the district doctor – even though she is not one. She has handled a myriad of illnesses and accidents from malaria to chopped off fingers, third degree burns to rushing farm workers off to the hospital for births. Never mind her cool headedness when a child had her stomach blown open whilst crossing the live minefield separating Zimbabwe from Mozambique. Yes, my mom has the patience of a saint and a stomach of steel. I like to think that I take after her in many ways however when the gifts were being handed down clearly ‘Patience of a Saint’ was left off the list.

Truth be told I really do not deal very well with sick people. Americo swiftly realised this after catching a particularly severe case of ‘Man Flu’ only to find that his devoted and charming wife did not quite live up to expectations on the patience and sympathy front! The problem is twofold .. chiefly, Americo is a rubbish patient, being predominantly grizzly and grumpy as opposed to frail and ill. Secondly, I hate seeing him sick, ergo … he just shouldn’t be!

So in other news, I had a lovely lunch with my brother today who I have not seen for ages as he has shipped himself and family off to sunnier climes – lucky devil.

Last night was our final volleyball evening of the summer season, that is right folks .. summer is about to be officially over with the entire population of England going into hibernation. Thankfully we have our holiday in Australia to keep us going as the light slinks away and the temperature continues to drop. I have to put in here that Americo has been somewhat impressed with my recent spurt of commitment to a sport, I must admit that I have even surprised myself!

ET .. CALL HOME

On Saturday night I dreamt my dad had Alzheimer’s and he could only remember the part of his life prior to my birth. I frantically begged him not to forget me for how could I live knowing that my dad had no knowledge of me? I woke up distressed with tears rolling down my cheeks and a desperate desire to call home.

I have mentioned before the problems with communication to Zimbabwe .. mostly that there is no communication with Zimbabwe. All day Sunday I tried to call home and was amazed that I was getting the ringing tone, first time on each call – unfortunately no one was answering. (This always gets me a bit edgy as law & order is not a top priority).

This morning I got into the office and there was an e-mail from my mom. Dad has malaria and has been unwell all weekend but is doing much better today.

Sometimes you just know to call home.

Thinking of you dad - xxx

TEA.. Anyone?

Today I am having a slight rant, lets face it – it’s been a while! Our topic of the day is TEA… I realise this sounds like a fairly innocuous subject and ergo unable to cause much offence … there my friends you are wrong. The problem is - I do not DO tea. I do not drink it, I do not appreciate it and I detest having to make it. To say I am not a tea person is to trivialise my repugnance.

Unfortunately, on occasion, I have to lower my standards and put the kettle on. I must admit that there are times when I don’t mind (that much). For instance, if I am feeling particularly enchanted with my husband I may offer, or when we have guests for dinner. Then there are the other times… The office times…

I suppose I should back up a little and explain how this revulsion came about.

It all started one bright African morning when I was a little girl of about 5. Our family tradition was that the housekeeper would bring in the tea tray at 6 and the family would all pile into my parents bed for their ‘cuppa’ before we had to get ready for the day. I remember that for some reason I was alone with Mom and Dad - I think Tanya and Julian were at boarding school. Anyway, Mom poured the tea and, in my youthful excitement of the morning, I took a huge gulp. Oh the HORROR! Yuck, yuck, YUCK. The milk was sour and the tea was disgusting. The rest, as they say, is history - I have never drunk tea again and over time it has become at mild phobia.

Back to the office; my aversion to tea is so ubiquitous the mere mention of having this as part of my job description has seen me racing for the door. On occasion however I have been known to be charitable at work. When I meet clients, I manage to dredge up some empathy and produce a cup of tea. I do not however make tea for just anyone, either you are a paying Member of the Wealth Club or you are just another pleb who can get their own damn tea!

Last year due to a rift in the company partnership the business was downsized. It was decided that in order to ‘stream line’ the cash flow redundancies would be made, with one of the casualties being our receptionist. With our new ‘slim line’ staffing arrangements the idea is for everyone to all pull together in ensuring when a Member is due there is someone available for a meet and greet. Unfortunately some pull together more than others and, for the most part, mine is a fairly regular face in reception.

This morning I had barely sat down when the door bell rang, thankfully one of my colleagues jumped to attention and I made to prepare myself for the day ahead. About two seconds later one of the advisors (hmmmm) came and said to me;

“So.. what happens when there is someone in reception, do YOU just go and make tea?” (seriously??)

He should have known better especially since I do not make my dislike of mornings a secret. The first sign should have been it is 9 o’clock, followed swiftly by the realisation that there was no can of coke in sight. However he ignored all the signals and barged on…

With raised I brows I regarded him, eventually answering his request with as much civility as I could muster;

“Do I look like the tea lady?”

It was cold, it was brutal but is he likely to pose such a stupid question to me again?

HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS...

I have been inspired! Whilst perusing my way through cyberspace, I popped into one of my regular blog sites – not the marrying kind. Marty, the writer, focuses her blog on wedding ideas that are homemade and creative, obviously my wedding planning has long since been and gone, HOWEVER I came across this wonderful idea. [Don’t be surprised when you all get potted gumboots (wellies) for Christmas!] When I read Marty’s blog I imagine her home to be a hive of creativity, filled to the brim with innovative and bright designs.

This got me thinking (always a bad thing) and I realised that our home is not very homely. We have the most amazing wedding pictures, but nothing on the walls, we have lovely photo frames but they still have the original ‘Kodac Family’ in them. Our home, in essence, is transient; it is ready to be packed up and shipped out with minimal effort and fuss – the realisation of which has come as quite a shock.

Don’t get me wrong, I love our home it is just not the focus of my life. There always seem to be something more important that needs attention – friends, family, finances .. LIFE! Subconsciously, I think I have been avoiding creating a homely home here in the UK. It feels as though by hanging that picture I am making a commitment to permanence. I am accepting that we will never return to Zimbabwe.

I know – it is completely illogical and unreasonable! Luckily Americo never expects me to be either logical or reasonable, in fact I believe that life would be rather disappointing if I was..

Anyhow, now that we are discussing family .. Calm down parents – it is only a DISCUSSION! I am beginning to undergo a change of heart. That picture frame does not represent eternalness, what goes up can still be taken down. In the end, my biggest realisation is this… My home is where Americo is. Everything else is just stuff, pretty but unimportant.
Still .. curtains would be nice!!

THE FUTURE

I love this picture, brilliant in so many ways.. Firstly, the future is inevitable and secondly – do you really want to know about it?

I love all things shrouded in mystery – tarot cards, palm readers, mystics and psychics. When Americo and I were in Miami I persuaded him to let me blow some of our hard earned cash on getting my palm read, don’t get me wrong this is not something I subscribe to merely a little bit of fun, anyway it was fascinating! She did not ask me anything about myself just started right in on what she foresaw in my future. Afterwards I began to wander, having heard what she had to say, does this then affect the decisions that I will make? It is as though physiologically I have now been pre-advised of my decision and, so as not to tempt fate, I have to choose what I have been advised to choose! Does that make sense? Because you have been told X is the way forward you are now fearsome to choose Y.

This weekend I am planning a little get together in the park, it is almost an annual event in aid of my birthday, only this year it is slightly late. Oh Well! Usually I excel at organising and arranging these events but recently I seem to have lost momentum. I am not sure if it is a sign of getting older or just a sign of getting complacent. Whatever, I plan to rectify the situation with a series of busy activities.

I recently found out that Americo (poor, sheltered man that he is) has never seen, or indeed heard, of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. So, in the interests of cultural diversification, I feel it is my duty to take him off to the ‘Sing-A-Long’ version - where best dressed wins a prize. I am in two minds on whether to warn him of the wonders that await, or, just throw him into a pair of gold hotpants, a la Rocky Horror, and head out for the night. For those of you who are Rocky virgins (surely there cannot be many?) I highly recommend this as an evening’s entertainment! Although be advised it is not for the feint hearted or the morally motivated.

Speaking of motivation, The Girls – Pearl, Tanya and myself went to our first night of all Women’s Volley Ball on Tuesday, funded by our very generous Government.. Oh Me, Oh MY… the PAIN! Personally I just do not believe in the mantra “No Pain, No gain”, seriously - who comes up with this nonsense? Generally I avoid all forms of excercise holding firm to my belief that when I feel energetic - I lie on the sofa and wait for the feeling to pass!

I can honestly say I was cursing my stupidity at being SO vigorous as I crawled up the stairs and heaved myself into bed. Luckily I survived to tell the tale! And am still so thoroughly enamoured with volley ball that I will be back there next week.

Until then!

HOME.. please?

Today I have limited enthusiasm in work, compounded with a side of no interest drenched in apathy! I know every one hates Monday’s, the thing is, generally, I don’t, however this Monday feels like it should have been consigned to the trash can early on. So, in the interests of my sanity, I have written the day off to predominantly attempting to look busy and surfing the net. Even with these kinds of low ambitions I may not reach my goal, however I shall endeavour!

What, I hear you asking has brought on this bout idleness? Well, to put it simply, I am exhausted! It all started like this….

Friday, our day of regrouping before the weekend, we were invited out for a ‘quiet drink’. I should have known better, there is no such thing as a quiet anything with our friends - I can only put this down to being foolishly optimistic. Even more foolishly however I offered to be the designated driver (much better to have been the drinker than the driver!) The pub was filled with discrete couples and groups chatting quietly and having the epitome of a ‘quiet drink’. Enter the Zimbabwean contingent…

I must admit, when we arrived, the boys were looking very civil, this soon descended into raucous laughter and debauchery. Ending with the drinkers polishing off all the Yagermister (sp) the bar owned and suspect versions of love songs sung to beautiful woman. All and all an evening of embarrassing revelations, free entertainment for the other patrons (dodgy dancing to footloose) and many, MANY, mocking stories for years to come! (woot woot – sorry Bobby, had to do it!)

Saturday dawned bright and sparky for some (i.e. ME) and a dark and cloudy for others. I must admit to a certain smugness at my lack of hangover, it was unfortunately short lived as we had to do repairs to the shower at the rental. We had just finished when the phone rang asking what our afternoons intentions were .. here we go again.. So of we headed for a braai (BBQ) at Trev’s house with Tanya (my sister) joining us there. It was a great afternoon/evening we played games, gossiped laughed and ate until we could eat no more. However it was another late night!

We made it to bed after 1, and up and rushing at 8 to go walking with J&J. By now we were both talked out, it was a very silent trip to our meeting point interspersed with curses when we could not find our final destination! Luckily Americo and I are such happy people and, once we had navigated ourselves to civilisation, the world was back to rights. We had a lovely walk, although my suggestion of shorts turned out to be rather rubbish as we were stung, mercilessly, by stinging nettles! Bloody country life!!

After reading this you are probably feeling as exhausted as we were however…. It was not over! Nope, we still had things to do and people to see.. So we leaped back in our little car and headed over to Ham to meet up with S & I and their families. We eventually touched down at the home base last night after nine to sort ourselves out for the week ahead.

So you see, having burnt the candle at both ends I am feeling a little jaded and uninterested in what today has to offer – unless it is offering a good nights sleep!

TELL ME....

… What are the advantages of being a woman? On Saturday I was feeling slightly envious of the male creatures on this earth. It seems to me that the ladies received a very short straw when the ‘divine being’ was handing out favours. In my personal interpretation HE stood, like Santa - a sack full of goodies before him, with all the men and women at his feet. “LO, I have here celestial gifts to bestow upon my chosen ones…”

And so the men all rushed forward and grabbed what they could. The women, having the hindrance of heels, were just not quite fast enough so they got stuck with, PMS, Osteoporosis, hormone imbalance etc - I think you get my general meaning......

I promised to give a full update of our tour around Florida and, so far, have been very slack. The problem is when you go on holiday, then return to work, some evil pixie has looked at your work load and gone “for fun, lets double that”. On top of this your mind is still firmly ensconced in a foreign land so it takes you triple the amount of time to figure out .. What the hell do I do?? Anyway.

As you know our pre holiday rush was somewhat hectic, with me losing my wallet and cancelling all my cards, our Tom Tom breaking down and the new one not having enough memory to download the required maps. All in all it would be fair to say, we were quite stressed the night before departure. It was at this point that I decided to go on packing strike - I was feeling disgruntled that this task always seems to fall on me. After heavy negotiations, terms were agreed and I trundled back upstairs to resume packing responsibilities. (Mostly Americo sulked better than I did!!!)

At last Friday dawned and we were on our way, arriving in Tampa late in the evening. For the purposes of a true road trip we hired a convertible, it sounds like a good idea at the time but after hours of being wind blown I admitted defeat.

From Tampa we went to friends of ours in Orlando for a few days. It was great, we hadn’t seen Tina for years (I won’t mention how many!) but it was as though we had never been separated.

Onwards to Miami, the place of beautiful people and LARGE cocktails. We were referred to Mango’s which had fabulous live entertainment that left both Americo and I silently watching the stage! I feel I should put in here that if you are travelling in the States be sure to ask about the ‘walk in rate’, Americo and I got some wonderful hotel deals on this tip.

The most relaxing part of our holiday though were the few days we spent in Key Largo. We stayed at the Coconut Palm Inn, another referral, and it was two days of absolute bliss.

Then there was the shopping… Americo was in seventh heaven and traipsed me around the malls for HOURS. To be honest I was a little disappointed in the ladies fashions and unhappily report that my shopping excursions were not nearly as successful!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY .. to ME!

That is right folks - today is my birthday and, due to lack of planing, the day I returned to work from our holidays.

As you all know my husband is the most wonderful of men, and has currently confined me to the upper regions of the house so that he can pretend he planned for my birthday .. when in actual fact he is industriously wrapping up presents! Truly, no man will ever compete.

So, our holiday. It was fabulous, we had the most amazing time driving about Florida - attempting to stay on the RIGHT side of the road, which is actually the WRONG side of the road! We laughed .. a lot, ate - even more and generally had the most perfect time together that I am sure I must be the most smug married out there.

Must go now as it is present time.. more tomorrow!!

LOST & FOUND

How early is 7am? I mean we all know how EARLY it is but for me to get into work for 7 it requires waking up at 5. That’s right folks, I have been up since the crack of dawn. Obviously I do not make a habit of torturing myself (and others) with this extreme start, however today I had incentive… tomorrow Americo and I head Stateside for our American honeymoon (roadtrip). And, as I am so unorganised, I need the extra time this afternoon to get things sorted. In conclusion, I am getting the hell out of here in approximately 30 minutes. WOOOHOOO bring on Friday!

As you can see today I am feeling pretty cheery, I am letting the general annoyances of office life wash over me, safe in the knowledge that, for two blissful weeks, I do not have to deal with anyone else’s crap. Heaven! Yesterday was sadly a different story.

To begin, The Head Man (my boss) left last week for his holiday. Generally this would be perfect; I should have had a week to catch up on all those little things that get put to one side in the overall rush of timelines and deadlines. Someone out there has a wicked sense of humour though, as, on the day of his departure, we received notice of a major project requiring completion just after my return. I watched in horror as my week of pre-holiday, workload clear up, plummeted, replaced by mad, requiring urgent attention, everything has to be done NOW, stress. Ergo my frustration with those that have the sense of urgency of a sloth. Harsh but fair.
Anyway, this blog is not about them.. it is about ME, and Americo! Before the above came to light I had booked for my hair to be cut, in fact I had booked all kinds of things and have re-jigged my working hours to suit. Off track again! Yesterday I dashed off to get my hair cut, amid more anxious calls from my boss’s father requesting assistance. SERIOUSLY!

After my frenzied rush to get to the appointment it was wonderful to sit back and relax in the hair salon. There I sat for the next 3 luxurious hours getting my tresses chopped and highlighted whilst sipping hot chocolate. Ahh bliss, holiday mode was finally settling in, until…

… I reached into my bag to pay the nice lady and LO! Hapana (no) purse. A number of thoughts rushed through my mind, predominantly Oh Shit! But alongside this was the chorus of my bank cards, my credit card, my driver’s licence, my yellow card for when Americo behaves badly. (I will explain that one later!)

First to deal with the situation at hand, phone the wonderful man I married and he can pay – how fabulous are mobile phones? A cunning plan I am sure you will agree, until I realised that the wretched man was not answering. Luckily Pearl leapt to the rescue providing her card details.

My general motto is don’t panic, these things always have a way of turning up yadda, yadda, yadda. As I made my way home my chest started to feel tight and I began to panic with the realisation that.. We are leaving in 2 days with NO CREDIT CARD. Bollocks! I phoned the bank and cancelled my debit cards, just to be safe, whilst Americo called our credit card company to suspend our account advising them never to marry a blond.

You will all be happy to know that I have since found my wallet. It was playing hide and seek under one of notepads.

The Yellow Card. I will make it quick as this entry is taking on epic proportions. When we were in Thailand our bus ticket turned out to be a little yellow sticker with a smiley face drawn on in black marker. We found this highly amusing and thus the ‘Yellow Card’ came to life. It has since taken on a character of it’s own, being produced whenever Americo harasses me!

And now people I am off on holiday, I shall try to provide updates in between swanning about having a fabulous time and doing nothing.

CELEBRATION

Oh there is just so much to tell that I barely know where to begin! We left off on Friday with me dashing to the station and heading off to Reading for Pearl’s 30th. I am sorry to say that there are no decent photo’s of the evening, such a same…

The train journey to Reading was fairly uneventful and I successfully managed to navigate my way to the hotel without getting lost, quite an achievement for a girl who cannot tell her left from her right. Pearl’s party was held in a very trendy cocktail bar where she had hired out the VIP lounge.. and thus the evening began. Two for one cocktails - it sounds like a good idea, however the next morning, when you feel that someone has opened a mining operation to your brain, it is not quite so clever. Anyhow a wonderful night was had by all, ending with Americo & I weaving our way to the hotel at about 3ish.

On Saturday I woke to an anvil being repeatedly bashed upon my skull and the BOOM, BOOM, BOOM of the new Black Eyed Peas song on repeat. Oooh the pain, the pain; I was somewhat cheered though to see that Americo was not faring any better! (Misery loves company!) Feeling slightly better after breakfast (lunch), painkillers and coke we gingerly walked to the car.

From Reading we had to find our way to Pear & Peter’s to prepare for the next leg of our celebration weekend. Little problem, our trusty TomTom had gone on strike - leaving us stranded in ‘the city of one ways’. Bravely we ventured where no unSat-Nav’ed car had gone before.

Eventually our TomTom was coaxed back into life and we arrived and P&P’s. Only now time was limited and we had to race about trying to get ready for the Blessing. No small task considering we all felt (and I am sure looked) somewhat jaded after the night before.

We made it to the Blessing, arriving fashionably late, to a greeting party of the Zimbabwean contingent outside, in the rain, having a communal cigarette..

Tomorrow I shall endeavour to provide highlights the weekend, of which when alcohol is involved, there are many!

Comic, care of Metro - nemi

LOVE & MARRIAGE

A few years ago a friend of mine asked his father what the secret to a long and happy marriage was. His father’s reply was very interesting..
“I loved her more, the times she loved me less”. Sadly there is no hard and fast secret recipe for a good marriage, but I really like this theory.

Americo’s and my relationship goes through cycles, of course I love my husband but there are times when I feel such a total adoration for him that it hurts. Other times - he bugs the hell out of me!

This morning was definitely one of those days. We are going to my friend Pearl’s 30th birthday party tonight and then, tomorrow, onwards to a wedding for other friends of ours. Unfortunately the week has not panned out quite the way I foresaw it; mostly with me having everything organised in preparation of picking up my suitcase this morning and swanning out the house. As it was I ended up madly shuffling through clothes for both events whilst Americo lay in bed being more of a hindrance (to both the packing & my humour) than a help. Thankfully I managed to settle on our gear and close the case, however ….

…. This was definitely a moment in time where I loved him less! Luckily it short lived as I managed to find the amusing side of his general morning patheticness.

This week has been chaotic, my commander & chief is off on holiday, leaving today, so we have been on panic mode trying to get everything out in preparation for his absence (and my holiday at the end of next week). What I am trying to say is, I shall be back on Monday, possibly even with photo’s of yours truly looking suitably out of place clubbing in Reading… wish me luck! More so that you may think necessary, as I packed for my clubbing experience half asleep and have probably left some vital part of my wardrobe at home!

NOBODY HOME

On Saturday we woke up at about 10am, I would like to have said bright and early but it was not to be. Americo and I are night owls no matter how hard we try. This weekend we were with Americo’s family. Americo’s mom is going off to Portugal for three months so we wanted to see her before she set off on her travels. Unfortunately, instead of having the whole weekend with family, Americo was called into an early Monday morning meeting, in Slovakia, so had to fly out on Sunday afternoon.

I have a bit of a love – hate relationship with Sunday, on one hand it is the one day a week that Americo and I (generally) spend exclusively together. On the other, when Sunday dawns it brings with it a slight resentment that Monday is shortly to follow! Whatever my relationship with Sunday it does not divert from the fact that Sundays WITH Americo are vastly more appealing than Sunday’s without. Regardless, Americo deserted me at about 1.30pm to head off to the airport and I, in the interests of self preservation, decided to travel to Richmond and watch ‘The Boys’ play volley ball.

I arrived at volley ball to late to have any actual effect as Cheerleader, and all my good intentions of bringing supplies and feeding the starving masses fell to the wayside. However I made the effort, more so than they realise...

For me the fundamental rule of London Life is to avoid buses like the plague (especially on weekends), unfortunately, as Americo had the car on Sunday I had to make certain allowances. On the way to Ham Common I have to admit to a certain novelty enchantment, it was short lived. The return journey took almost 2 hours with the most revolting creature sitting at the back of the bus spouting forth a venomous dialog consisting, predominantly, of the more earthy expressions from the gutter.

Now I am sure you have all noticed a pattern, when Americo goes out of town I head to KFC! Sunday night was no different… There I sat, with the whole evening ahead of me and my ‘kin filthy chicken’ devoured. I looked around the disaster area we currently call home and got myself motivated.

In any good attack it is important to formulate a plan - other than hoping someone else will attend to the chaos. I started to tidy. I worked my way around the ground floor with systematic thoroughness. In the kitchen I returned salt & pepper shakers etc to their rightful cupboards before making the counters shine with pride (and a little bit of help from Mr Muscle!). I repatriated the paperwork that had illegally migrated from Americo’s home office onto my dining room table. The white flag of surrender finally appeared with the arrival of heavy artillery - The Vacuum and Mop. Yes the house has been beaten into submission, for the moment, however with Americo’s return I foresee another uprising towards the end of the week!

Now I have to work up my reserve energy to tidy and clean the 2nd and third floors! It will have to be Thursday as tonight I have my volley ball – still soooo committed! And tomorrow I am going to support my colleagues in the JP Morgan run. This will mostly consist of me sitting on the grass, keeping an eye on bags whilst enjoying a very satisfying puff gulping down Pimms and Lemonade – LOVE SUMMER!!

SLEEPING

Usually I sleep like a baby however at the moment I am obviously suffering from a guilty conscience as my nights of easy slumber are just not happening! Tuesday night I could not get comfortable and felt incredibly jealous of my snoozing husband lying next to me gently snoring. I am not sure why but I grabbed my pillow and dumped it on the other end of the bed (head to toe) where I promptly faded into blissful oblivion.

Last night I had high expectations of a great nights sleep, due to my previous night’s lack, sadly it was not to be. Americo climbed into bed and started reading his incredibly dull ‘Alan Greenspan’ book, which is so tedious he has battled through it for the last 2 years, luckily the end is nigh .. only 6 months to go in order to finish the last 10 pages!

Anyway I had just nodded off when Americo turned off the lights, grabbed his pillow plonked it virtually on top of my head, tucked the duvet around us before letting out a huge sigh and crashing. From then on I drifted in the half world that comes after bewitching hour, a suspended animation between the planes of living and dreaming. Then I started to squirm and itch and cough and generally be so restless even I could not be alone with myself a second longer! [NOTE – Americo slept on!]

Once again I grabbed my pillow but this time more drastic measures were required, I tiptoed down stairs to our spare bedroom (careful not to wake Americo), whereupon I collapsed in sheer exhaustion and immediately passed out.

At about 4 I hear a plaintive cry coming from upstairs – “Zan Zan, where are you?” – I call back my whereabouts. Two minutes later there is a thump, thump, thump as my tussled husband stumbles his way down the stairs. I vaguely crack open an eye as he arrives in the doorway giving me the most beautiful sleepy grin. And there he stands, looking somewhat hurt that I abandoned him in the middle of the night saying – “why did you go away”. Truly, how could I ever love anyone else??

Obviously I reply, shut up and go to sleep! So into bed he leaps, whacks his pillow down beside me and once again – passes out!

TO SMOKE OR .. Not to?

Volley ball – I hope you are all suitably impressed with my dedication to this sport? Lets face it, I am a couch potato and my idea of exercise generally only extends to watching someone else do it.. on TV and not very often! But I am really enjoying my weekly sessions of v.ball in the park, even though my skills don’t quite equal my enthusiasm. Yesterday was the perfect day for out door pursuits, the sun was shining but the blistering heat of earlier had mellowed, and there I was sitting in the park, having a smoke waiting for the activities to begin.

I love times like this, where you are sitting almost in seclusion, enjoying a puff, reading a book and generally feeling smug at being able to block out every other being. That is until I was knocked out of my reverie by a boy of about 12 standing beside me asking for a light. I looked up at him questioning what he wanted my lighter for, he looked back at me and said “to light my smoke” (his eyes adding OBVIOULSY!). Now I realise my hypocrisy when I answered “No” - sure I am sitting there enjoying my smoke whilst simultaneously denying him, his. However, as I explained to him, I cannot, in good conscience let him smoke/start to smoke and be the provider of the fire. Was this boy my child or nephew I would sincerely hope that some adult, faced with the same quandary, would also say no!

When I got home last night I explained to Americo what had happened, he looked at me, raised an eyebrow and said “when exactly did you start smoking?” Bloody typical! “HA” I answered back “Not the point, I had far more sense than asking an adult for a light”. In our poxy little town that would have been the swiftest way to discovery. Anyway, I am not a particularly moralistic person, if I see a group of kids smoking I am unlikely to tell them to stop, but I am not exactly going to encourage them either. Unlike my beloved husband who feels that if they want a light or a cigarette you may as well hand it over - they will just get it from somewhere else anyway….

What utter nonsense, Americo NEVER has a light and he hates sharing his smokes!!!! ;0)

THANKFULLY IT IS OVER..

Right, I am back! This week has continued in the same vein it began - me ‘making friends’ with various people on a daily basis. Obviously my problems all started on Sunday, with the whole in-law v table issue, only to find that that incident was merely the tip of my irritation iceberg….

On Monday evening I managed to fight my way to a seat on the very full, very stuffy tube (underground train). I had just pulled out my trashy novel when I looked up to find a very pregnant lady standing in front of me. I tried to persuade my conscience to ignore this information but the little cherub sitting on my shoulder had other intentions.

I looked up at the lady, smiled, and said “excuse me, would you like a seat”. She in return looked at me with a bemused expression on her face and said.. “Why?”

I barely managed to hold the words that were desperate to spill forth – aren’t you pregnant????? and mumbled something abstract. Would you believe this has happened to me about 3 times? I am sorry ladies but no longer shall I be going through this embarrassment. Unless I see someone with a sign saying BABY ON BOARD, I shall be ignoring all other indicators, clearly my radar is on the blink!

As you have probably realised the last week or so I have been somewhat distracted. I recently took on a new project, our quarterly Newsletter which is due imminently, hence my neglect of Americo & Me. It has been a really wonderful challenge and I have enjoyed it immensely. As the project has been handed to me in its entirety I arrange what subjects/articles are going to be included, layout, formatting, spelling, grammar etc, etc, etc.

Sounds like a piece of cake? I then received the articles. It took all my creative skill to re-write them in line with our brand ethos, have I mentioned that I work in a Wealth Management Firm? No? Now do you fully appreciate the commitment? You can only get so excited about a pension.

However, no good deed goes unpunished and this was no exception. The downside to my above elation is that for the last two days I have had to work with The Australian. A more uncouth man you could not hope to come across, an in depth description can be found here. Due to the fact that my Mac skills are non existent (having never worked on one) I had to surrender to his superior knowledge and skill. Luckily most of the work was completed on day one, sadly on day two our ‘Man’ waltzed into work with a slight headache from a little too much over indulgence the night before.

Foolishly he then proceed to bait me with various changes I needed made to the Newsletter that, by the way, will be sent to our very high profile Members. Needless to say it was an imprudent battle to pick. ‘Handle with Care’ was a saying coined for me.

Today..

I promise today I will get my act together and post a propper blog... No more good intentions.

Will be back at about 4 for a full update. In the meantime, lots of interesting things are happening in the world... Michael Jackson has died of cardiac arrest. Farrah Fawcett has passed away from cancer. Iran is upset with America and last, but certainly not least - stoned wallabies have been blamed for crop circles. For full updates check out www.bbc.co.uk/news.

Back in a bit!

BACK & I'M BAD..

Last week seemed to rush past like a freight train. One minute it was Monday, the next it was Friday and I had barely managed to update my blog!

We went to Volley Ball on Tuesday; I managed to convince Americo to rush back to London from his conference so that he could partake of the festivities. As this had not been in the initial game plan Americo had no clothes with him for volley ball, so being the doting wife (that I clearly am) I lugged all his clothing about London with me. Funny how when I used to travel I could take a little day sack with me for at least 10 days but 1 pair of Americo’s shoes and my whole satchel is full. To conclude on the Volley Ball, this is not just a jolly as first thought – I seem to have signed myself up to a league so will have to be somewhat more committed than initially expected.

This weekend was full of family, Saturday was my niece’s 7th birthday which had me up at the crack of dawn in order to assist with party preparations. Sunday we had Americo’s family round for lunch.

Aaah it was a lunch to remember, and sadly not in the good way either! To begin, I know my faults, I am bossy, lack patience when irritated and generally speak my mind. It is second nature to me when I see one of my nephew’s or niece behaving badly to immediately put in a cease and desist order. Which, as far as I am concerned is not up for negotiation – it is an order with immediate effect. I bet are you are all feeling sorry for the sprogs now?

So, on to the fateful event; I caught our nephew drawing with a piece of metal on my wooden table. We had all been sitting around said table so I am not sure how I hadn’t noticed the silence that inevitably means trouble is brewing. When I caught him at it and asked ‘what the .. are you doing’ – he replied saying ‘I was bored’.

No action from the parental sector. Now this is a quandary, on one hand this is my house and the other, this is not my child. I am sorry to say that the ‘this is my house’ won the day and I refused any pudding to the cantankerous child. Explaining that the excuse of ‘I am bored’ is unacceptable whilst wilfully damaging someone else’s property!

As we sat there with one 12 year old boy in tears and everyone looking at me as though I had just sprouted horns and a tail, I have to admit to ALMOST relenting. However Americo fully backed my decision (which was an incredible relief). His mom offered to buy us a new table – not the point – and my sister in law thought my technique was far too harsh. My logic being .. will he do it again? I doubt it! What I found most uncomfortable though is that my mother in law looked at me like I had a heart of stone, as if the behaviour was all okay because it was in the family?

Saying that however I think I have a better understanding of why parent’s let their children get away with mischief. It is bloody hard to discipline a child. There is something about those big eyes staring back at you as if you have just told them that Santa doesn’t exist and all the reindeer were packed off to the glue factory.

WHAT A JOKER!

I know, it is pathetic that I am just going to leave a joke here for your amusement however this week has been manic (as said on Monday) and all my writing skills (she chuckles) have been put into editing and revamping articles for our quarterly newsletter. Hopefully things will be back to normal next week, but until then I hope you enjoy the below….

A little girl asked her mother: 'How did the human race appear?' The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'

The mother answered, 'Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.'

BUSY MONDAY

Due to an impressive amount of slacking off last week I now find myself in a bit of a quagmire with regards to work. Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t slack off too much however Monday has arrived with vengeful thoughts of keeping me out of mischief! Tonight I am a work widow as Americo is off shmoozing with his newly acquired team, nevertheless, I believe in looking on the bright side of life … today’s bright side is? I get to eat my KFC fix without any of the guilty feelings associated when Americo is here! I know, it is a small thing but strangely satisfying. Americo meanwhile gets to socialise with all the big bosses, being suitably impressive and spend the night at a hotel well in the Boonies. (Boonies – somewhere MILES away from civilisation, think milk your own cow for coffee).

Yesterday we went to Volley Ball coaching in Richmond, considering we play fairly regularly you would have thought I had gained some finesse. Sadly I am astoundingly pathetic at sports so much so that I have almost honed my lack of skill into an art form. You may snigger but yesterday, after spectacularly missing the ball and landing with a loud thud on my bottom, I received an encouraging round of applause. Americo meanwhile rushes about the court like a fox terrier trying to get every ball that comes his side to the net, wiping out all other players in his wake.

So in the interests of public amusement I am going to go and PLAY volley ball tomorrow, after work, and no doubt return home with my ego broken and every muscle aching.

WHISTLE WHILE YOU WALK

Today was my first day walking into work due to strike action on the tubes - I hope you are all suitably impressed with my dedication. It took me just under 2 hours, door to door, to amble my way into the office and has given me much entertainment…

Firstly, I went online to search out my best walking route from London Paddington to St Pauls (in the City of London). The best website I have found is http://www.walkit.com/ – it gives you all kinds of handy information such as, distance, time .. if you are a fast walker, moderate or tortoise and how many calories you have expunged from your system. By the way, I classify myself with the moderates.

Average walking time is 1 hour 20 minutes, 6930 steps, 6.3km or 3.9 miles and total calorie usage….. 332 – what a complete waste of time! Luckily I am not a calorie counting kinda girl, but even so I was somewhat demoralised by the minuscule amount versus time I could still be sleeping! However I will, grudgingly, admit that I did feel my fat reserves reluctantly loosening their grip upon my person.

With the strikes everyone who utilises the Underground has had to make alternative plans, mine was to use the overland then leg it the rest of the way. Others are using the bus routes – faster to walk if I am honest – and others still have pulled out their bicycles. And thus begins my story…..

Whilst navigating my way into the office I stopped at a traffic light – Enter our leading man. He was turning onto the road I hoped to cross, looking not as confident as one would hope. Usually at that time of the day the world passes me by with little impression, I am therefore unsure what caught my attention. Was it the wobbly bike looking the wrong side of controlled? Or the face above the handle bars flushed and anxious? More likely it was the hooting. Whatever, the impression of this middle aged man riding into work clinging onto the handle bars like grim death, simultaneously trying to read a map has made me chuckle all day!

I know it is cruel, and maybe you had to see it to fully appreciate my amusement. But SERIOUSLY – when you haven’t looked at a bicycle for the last 20 years what makes you think it would be a good idea to ride, into London, on tube strike day, when the roads are heaving?

As it turns out walking is not really all that good for me either. Usually I am safely tucked away from temptation on the underground. No so today, having wondered down all the best shopping streets in the city I now want to spend, Spend, SPEND!! Luckily everything was closed on my way in – I doubt I shall be so lucky on my way home.

Now I must sign off and saunter homeward.

STRIKE!

After an extremely lazy weekend, Monday came with all the force of a hurricane and Americo has been manically busy ever since.

Not sure if I mentioned this but Americo, after 4 years, has decided to go permanent at “The Company”. His new role is a marriage breaker.. seeing Americo up at 5.30am and back between 10pm and eleven. Last week I waited for him to get home so that we could eat dinner together, this week I have learnt my lesson!

You can imagine that I am therefore not getting to see much of my husband and, as a consequence, am beginning to forget what he looks like! In order to rectify this situation I have come up with a cunning plan…. Firstly I have given him a code word to be sent, via telephone, 30 minutes prior to arrival. Once at the door there is the secret knock followed by presentation of photo ID.

Tomorrow is the beginning of a 48 hour tube strike which I am looking forward to with eager anticipation. I am so dedicated to my job that I like nothing better than to take a casual stroll (2 hours of causal strolling!) in order to fulfil my duties.

What are they striking for? Well, the RMT Union having consistently provided a fairly shoddy service for years would like a 5% pay increase.. on top of whatever increases were handed out last year. They would also like guarantees that there will be no redundancies (wouldn’t we all?). Who, might I ask will be paying for all this? That is right, I, along with my fellow commuters will! I could go on for hours with this topic but shall constrain myself – aren’t you grateful?

Almost forgot, I received my new passport yesterday, all very exciting especially as I bare a striking resemblance to Casper the Friendly Ghost.. who has just escaped from prison. So happy that I get to keep this one for 10 years!

Think I had better sign off quickly as this post is taking a rather bitter turn! For those in London – happy travels for tomorrow ;)

HOLIDAY

Last night I finished all but a few planks of decking (because I ran out of oil) just in time too as the weather has turned. With the temperature dropping, cloud building, I would say this is the perfect weekend for Whisky and Poker, failing that, junk food and movies!

I am currently counting down the weeks until we wing our way over to The States for our road trip. I know it is MILES in advance but cannot contain my excitement! When Americo and I got married we were not able to go on honeymoon due to .. getting married and buying a house. So we decided to do a ‘year of honeymooning’ this year, slightly excessive I will admit – but great fun. In December we went to Thailand, where I introduced Americo to the concept of light packing and adventure travelling.

For Americo, being a true accountant, it did not compute to arrive in a foreign country without booking any accommodation and only a vague notion of what we were going to do when we got there. Luckily I have cured him of this and he has taken to my adventurous ambitions with gusto.

Compared to our very lazy Thailand holiday, this trip will be packed full of activities, we land in Tampa, drive to Orlando – there to hit a couple of theme parks then onwards to Miami and back to Tampa on the opposite coastal road. Brilliant! Again we will be rocking up blind with no set plan, only our trusty Tom-Tom and a hire car to hand.

To some people travel is all about the exciting monuments you will see, people you will meet and memories you come away with. Americo, as much as he appreciates all of this his real joy will be of the food – if the food is good we will go there again.. if not – I will have to try better next time! ;)

To end this week is my usual tale of woe – the house has been thoroughly neglected and is once again looking like a charity store. There are more clothes in the washing basket than the cupboards and, if it doesn’t get attended to promptly, we shall have to join a nudist colony.

Luckily I have found the perfect answer to anyone who arrives and walks into the chaos that is our life..

SHOPPING

I am not sure if you have noticed but I have finally uploaded a profile picture.. how impressive is that? Now I am not going to be too enthusiastic as lets face it, it’s one of our wedding photo’s - which is always a bit naff. However, as I had a limited choice of what pictures were available on my computer I would say I did quite well!

As you know I have a slight passion for all things heels. Well, Pearl called this afternoon offering up a splendid pair of shoes. I thought I would have a quick peek, just a little look, at the fabulousness available online. Oh Bliss… It is not true what they say.. Love can be bought and it comes in a box, full of varying colours – size 5! Sadly I am going to have to restrain myself from dashing off to the shops and purchasing all my favourites. Instead I am going to include them on here so that there is a record for when Americo needs to decide on a suitable birthday present. (hint, hint)

On to other things, at last I seem to have made progress with my damaged engagement ring. When Americo first gave it to me I had only worn it for a few months before one of the little side diamonds promptly fell out. I took it to our jeweller, here in London, who replaced the lost diamond but said we should get in contact with the original supplier as he could not guarantee it.

As we were in SA recently, where we bought the ring, I explained our problems to the gentleman who assured me that he would get everything sorted… Guess what – he didn’t. I have been unable to wear my ring for the last 2 months due to the diamond again hovering on the point of leaping for freedom. However now that I have lost all sense of humour things seem to be getting sorted. Unfortunately ‘Africa Time’ and ‘My Time’ run at very different rates but I am sure, with a little bit of gentle persuasion, results shall be swiftly forthcoming.

PS:- Below is a little picture I came across .. supposedly the ‘International Symbol of Marriage’ - WHOSE marriage - is what I would like to know! Oh, Americo - the shoes are just below! xx

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE.. ME?

OCD.. the minute I hear of someone with obsessive compulsive disorder I imagine them washing and ringing their hands, muttering under their breath “out, out damn spot” - in a ‘Lady MacBeth’ manner.

With this in mind Americo thinks that I suffer from a mild form of OCD. I have all kinds of quirks that simultaneously amuse and amaze him.

For instance, I cannot go to bed with the cupboard doors open. One Christmas, when I was about 6 one of my cousins told us that open cupboards are the porthole to the ‘otherworld’. Under the cover of night, when little girls are fast asleep, the restless dead make their way into the living world.. and once there TERRORIZE those that were so careless.

As if that wasn’t bloody bad enough just after he had scared the wits out of all of us we had a slight earth tremor. Lights flickered, bunkbeds shook – needless to say it was a moment I have never forgotten. To this day I will get up out of bed, if Americo has left the doors open, and shut them!

By the way, congratulations to me – due to my sterling efforts last night I am now the proud owner of the Wifely Championship Cup…. How did I win this I hear you ask? Well, last night I got home, oiled the deck, did washing and managed to prepare dinner all in time for the starving trooper to arrive home at 9pm!

Instead of a cup I have requested diamonds … as we all know nothing says thank you quite like something sparkly!!!

PS:- I have added below a little picture I received from Zimbabwe - I am not sure how recent it is though...

GRUBBY HANDS

Yes – I was gardening this weekend. Although whoever says that this is a therapeutic past-time is lying through their teeth! There in nothing enjoyable about scrabbling about in the dirt with all kinds of creepy crawlies lurking in the shadows. It was a ridiculous idea and would you believe that I actually initiated proceedings? No? Nor can I.

It all started like this..

As I mentioned Americo has been harassing me about leaving a weekend free to do all kinds of energetic household things. Obviously with this kind of incentive I have attempted to keep us thoroughly occupied doing other, more pleasant activities! Anyhow I eventually acquiesced suggesting that we utilise the glorious weather we had over the weekend to clean the decking and generally get up to date with our outside chores.

Saturday dawned and with it a certain regret to being so compliant! Anyway off we went to Costco to buy a power hose in order to beat our decking into submission. Oh my living! What a day. I was already over it half way through watching Americo try to connect the pipes to the contraption. However, being the delightful wife that I am .. I put my book down, changed into my bikini and scrubbed and sweated alongside my husband. I did not even complain (MUCH) when he stood behind me criticising my deck cleaning technique. Finally, after hours of busyness the decking was clean (not so Americo and I!) and we sat back, cigarette in hand surveying our hard work.

Sunday, yet another spectacular day, we sat eyeing out the horrid apple tree that grows in our neighbour’s yard. It may grow in their yard but due to sunlight issues actually spreads its branches all over our patch dropping bitter, hard green apples, creating a bit of an obstacle course. So having discussed with them (the neighbour) we hacked down the offending limbs, now ruining or cleaning efforts, and spent Sunday chopping up the branches for disposal. Americo, now well in the mood then suggested we tackle the front garden.

Here is where it all goes horribly wrong! Our front postage stamp is prolific with weeds, one has actually grown so huge it has raised it’s head above the windowsill and has been enjoying all kinds of night-time viewing with us. Clearly this had to be sorted but with my contempt of dirty hands I ask you.. was I really the person for the job? All is well that ends well though as our garden now looks lovely with all the weeds having been ruthlessly yanked out of their earthen home.

To end here is a funny little something that I got in an e-mail – had me chuckling for ages!!