THE BATTLEAXE...

Our dear friend Trevor moved off to the bright lights of North Sheen about a year ago. He and some friend rented this beautiful house, in a quiet neighbourhood..

Not long after they had moved in Americo and I went to visit, London streets are notoriously awful for parking so we were thrilled when we noticed a parking space virtually outside their front door. Yay! We zipped in and dashed into the house.. not before noticing this little old biddy staring murderously at us. Oh well. We mentioned the crazy to Trev who explained that she is very territorial about anyone parking in front of her house… Even though she has no car… and potentially visitors!

Anyway, this Sunday we thought we would pop in and see Trevor – it was reasonably early in the evening and, surprisingly, there was loads of parking. As we weren’t sure he was home Americo idled the car whilst I jumped out the car to bang on the door. Unfortunately my knocks went unanswered, along with calling through the letterbox. Anyhow, I turned to go back to the car when the Battleaxe (as she will now be referred to) came charging out the house.

“Move your car, Move your car.”

Jump back lady, clearly not staying long as the engine is still on (ready for our fast get away from the madness!). I got back in the car and Americo, having witnessed this bizarre behaviour asked what was going on. I explained that she didn’t like where we were parked, even though, only the nose of the car could have been venturing anywhere near her sight.

There she stood, the crazy old coot, in her blue dressing gown glaring at us through her living room window.

We thought we would give Trev one last call before heading for home (tenacious aren’t we?). He hadn’t heard my knocking as he was somewhat preoccupied, hurling his guts out in the toilet. What can I say, we have perfect timing. But don’t go feeling too sorry for Trevie, it was all self induced!

So The Battleaxe watched us get out the car and, not wanting to loose her opportunity she pounced as we reached the door. Shouting in a heavily accented voice to “move the car – move the car!”.

Mmmmmm, I rushed the house, Americo pretended oblivion and Trevor was too dazed to take anything in!

Seriously! Has no one ever heard a teaspoon of sugar does a lot more that a bottle of vinigar?

SUNDAY, The new Saturday?

Sunday’s seem to have become our new Saturday but sadly Monday is still… MONDAY! This has been quite an emotional week for me, I had an early morning meeting about some things on Tuesday – sounds mysterious, doesn’t it? When I know the overall outcome I promise to share, but until then I don’t want to jinx it.

Saturday we went to Sara & Colin’s for his birthday we had a lovely evening but I somehow ended up as designated driver. I find driving in the UK an incredibly traumatic experience. My palms get sweaty, my heart races and the thought of over an hours drive home is enough to give me palpitations. Americo thinks I am absolutely ridiculous, which in turn leads to more stress! Anyway, homeward we drove, me shaking like a jelly whilst Americo quietly criticised. He will say he doesn’t but I KNOW HE DOES!

Weekends, for us, are no longer time spent to lounge about accumulating a big arse. Oh no! Things need to be done and, with our hopes for Australia, Saturday & Sunday are our only times. Saturday was spent doing all the mundane chores that I knew we would have no inclination towards on Sunday (washing, cleaning .. ugh) whilst Americo industriously updated his CV etc. Then it was time to party.

Arrived home just after 3am, both having survived the hair raising journey. To be honest, I think I was the only one truly terrified!

Sunday dawned (well we woke up at 11), grey and slightly less miserable than last weekend but not much of an improvement. Off we went to Storme & Ian’s, who had very kindly agreed to sign our Wills, just so there is no confusion about what to do with all our debt. Even more kindly, they invited us to an early dinner - meatballs and treats, we were completely spoilt.

We popped round to Trevor’s but I feel the experience deserves a whole post with a little more dedication than I can give it now.. back tomorrow!

OUR WEEKEND OF MISADVENTURES..

As I am sure you have probably guessed, this weekend … we played volleyball. What can I say, the minute the sun shines I feel it is my duty to head out to the park and utilise every last minute. And so started our weekend of misadventures…

Usually I decline to be on any side that has my most delightful of husbands on it. This is not because I am tempted to throw myself into his arms at every opportunity, nor for fear that we may distract each other. No. The reason I refuse to be on his team is simply because he is draconian, playing sports with Americo is akin to having a tyrant on your team. He bosses you about then attempts to explain the game, in simple terms. I end up feeling like a 5 year old, with coach detailing that the ball, flying at speed, requires for you to return it over the net. Really? I have always wondered about those finer details!

The problem is - everyone else knows what he’s like too! Therefore, because I love him so much and will eventually forgive his bad behaviour on court, I inevitably end up playing on his side. Americo has asked me to put in here that he is actually encouraging and uplifts moral. (hahahahahaha – what ever!)

Now, when Americo plays any ball sports he is like a fox terrier, charging for any and every ball, so much so that you eventually decide not to go for them, safe in the knowledge that back up is on its way.

Stupidly I forgot this golden rule. Picture the scene, ball coming directly at me, I leap up (looking remarkably sporty like!) to return it and win the point. Subconsciously I hear Americo pounding up behind me, but for some reason my brain does not register the danger until…. My jaw connects with his steel encased arm. OH the pain! It felt as though my jaw had been disconnected, in fact I initially wondered if it had!

Who would have thought that I, Zanna HTDS, would ever get to the stage of receiving a sporting injury? SO impressive! Others were less enthused by my war wound, suggesting that it is not a TRUE sporting injury. WHAT?? I was playing sports and got injured.. hence…? I am however happy to report that my jaw has now re-aligned itself and all is well that ends well (aside from the odd clicking when I chew!).

Unfortunately things were not so simple for Americo, who, after thumping me in the jaw with his reinforced steel arm, was bitten by some tiny, nondescript but vicious bug. The initial attack was so unexceptional that my hero did not even notice until much later in the evening when his foot resembled a balloon with toes. In true style we ignored his fat foot for the next day with expectations that the swelling would – well – just go! Come Monday morning (public holiday) unbelievably his foot was even bigger. Although we were all laughing about him having a kankle (calf/ankle) I did, in between giggles, manage to get him a doctor’s appointment.

The doctors recommended kankle treatment is a course of anti-inflammatory and antihistamine, which has left Americo feeling slightly wasted. Still he has laughed along with the rest of us about his current condition mostly, I think, because it is not actually painful! Otherwise he would have been ooohing and aaahing determined that the angels are calling his name. I promise you – there is none as sick as a male creature.

HOME.. please?

Today I have limited enthusiasm in work, compounded with a side of no interest drenched in apathy! I know every one hates Monday’s, the thing is, generally, I don’t, however this Monday feels like it should have been consigned to the trash can early on. So, in the interests of my sanity, I have written the day off to predominantly attempting to look busy and surfing the net. Even with these kinds of low ambitions I may not reach my goal, however I shall endeavour!

What, I hear you asking has brought on this bout idleness? Well, to put it simply, I am exhausted! It all started like this….

Friday, our day of regrouping before the weekend, we were invited out for a ‘quiet drink’. I should have known better, there is no such thing as a quiet anything with our friends - I can only put this down to being foolishly optimistic. Even more foolishly however I offered to be the designated driver (much better to have been the drinker than the driver!) The pub was filled with discrete couples and groups chatting quietly and having the epitome of a ‘quiet drink’. Enter the Zimbabwean contingent…

I must admit, when we arrived, the boys were looking very civil, this soon descended into raucous laughter and debauchery. Ending with the drinkers polishing off all the Yagermister (sp) the bar owned and suspect versions of love songs sung to beautiful woman. All and all an evening of embarrassing revelations, free entertainment for the other patrons (dodgy dancing to footloose) and many, MANY, mocking stories for years to come! (woot woot – sorry Bobby, had to do it!)

Saturday dawned bright and sparky for some (i.e. ME) and a dark and cloudy for others. I must admit to a certain smugness at my lack of hangover, it was unfortunately short lived as we had to do repairs to the shower at the rental. We had just finished when the phone rang asking what our afternoons intentions were .. here we go again.. So of we headed for a braai (BBQ) at Trev’s house with Tanya (my sister) joining us there. It was a great afternoon/evening we played games, gossiped laughed and ate until we could eat no more. However it was another late night!

We made it to bed after 1, and up and rushing at 8 to go walking with J&J. By now we were both talked out, it was a very silent trip to our meeting point interspersed with curses when we could not find our final destination! Luckily Americo and I are such happy people and, once we had navigated ourselves to civilisation, the world was back to rights. We had a lovely walk, although my suggestion of shorts turned out to be rather rubbish as we were stung, mercilessly, by stinging nettles! Bloody country life!!

After reading this you are probably feeling as exhausted as we were however…. It was not over! Nope, we still had things to do and people to see.. So we leaped back in our little car and headed over to Ham to meet up with S & I and their families. We eventually touched down at the home base last night after nine to sort ourselves out for the week ahead.

So you see, having burnt the candle at both ends I am feeling a little jaded and uninterested in what today has to offer – unless it is offering a good nights sleep!

IT'S PINK!

The other night Americo did a load of washing. As a red pair of fisherman trousers we got in Thailand would be included I reiterated that no whites, whatsoever, should be involved… You can see the impending doom.. I transferred everything from washer to tumble dryer and guess what I found? Americo’s once very manly football socks were now a lovely shade of salmon, along with his ankle guard and some other choice items. I have to admit to a little chuckle of amusement seeing my husband rushing about trying to get his gear together with pink ankle guard on one foot and a jaundiced expression directed at the socks.

I have not always been the ‘demi-domestic goddess’ you see before you. In fact when I came to the UK my kitchen skills consisted of nuking a potato in the microwave and not much more. I remember one boyfriend’s mother saying ‘She is lovely darling.. but I don’t think she can cook!’

My second home in London was a houseshare on Fladgate Road. I was living with a group of friends from Zimbabwe along with my brother and his wife. Being so far from home we were more a family unit than a typical shared house. Everyone had a duties partner and each ‘couple’ had their chance of cooking a proper meal once a week. However, as I could not cook my partner would only allow me to watch and clean. The one day, seeing me wielding a knife, he removed the danger from my hands and asked me to please sit out of harms way.

To return the kindness I offered to iron his shirt whilst he cooked dinner. All I can say is it seemed like a good idea at the time. It started off so well, that is until about half way through when the iron got a little sticky and I lifted it to find a newly inserted hole. After this episode not only was I banned from the kitchen but my washing duties were limited to putting the washing machine on where upon magical little Fairies would descend, transfer them to the tumble dryer and onwards to my bedroom all neatly folded! Oh how I miss those days!!

This weekend is a busy one for us, we have my cousin’s 40th birthday party which is themed fancy dress. Americo has been inspired, suggesting he will be going as .. himself! Hmmmm. I on the other hand intend to make just a little bit more of an effort within what we have at home. Do you think I could put my wedding dress back on and go as Julia Roberts in The Run Away Bride? No? I didn’t really think so either. Undoubtedly something will spring to mind between now and tomorrow.

Sunday we are walking with friends round Henley on Thames with a little picnic at some halfway point – lets hope the weather stays as beautiful as it is today. Finally, as Monday is a bank holiday, we are off to the park for volley ball. After much beating of chests last weekend we have a tournament of some description going ahead. My money is on Americo and Bob, mostly because the are brutal and hate to loose!

Tuesday is my op so I will probably be out of commission and off the blog until the following Monday.. Until then!

TGIF

Today I have travelled London! I have been to the City, The Docklands and shortly I will proceed to The West End and hopefully home. Aaah my poor feet! Admittedly I am not wearing the most appropriate shoes but what can you do? Is it not like I can roll up to a clients office in my tatty old trainers.

This weekend should hopefully be a fairly relaxed one mostly consisting of rearranging the mess that is our household a haircut and lunch. Sadly the best laid plans and all that.. I have just had a call from a friend, who we are meeting next weekend for lunch. Saying that he is now working shift and that the lunch for next weekend needs to be moved to this, which means I am going to have to try and move the lunch we have this weekend to next. When did arrangements all become so complicated? There was a time when I did not need to have a calendar to keep track of our social lives but now things have gotten out of control.